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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is my boyfriend right? Should I change how I dress?

213 replies

galaxymilkshake · 02/07/2022 08:49

Just feeling a bit upset but wondering if my boyfriend is in the right.

So anyway, I dress very casual, very creative. I'm not a girly girl by any means. My friends say I need to put more effort into the way I dress and my cousin joked around and said I dress like a Grandma 😑.

Apart from my dress sense. I just don't have much money to buy new clothes.

Anyway, I feel like my boyfriend was a bit of a sick today. So yesterday, myself and my bf went to the cinema very late. Unfortunately, we just missed the start show time and the Cinema staff refused to let us in. Due to that, we went to a restaurant instead and booked ourselves into a hotel as it was very late.

Myself and my boyfriend don't see each other that often. He is very keen but I am going though so many family stuff- so at present we see each other once every four weeks. So at the hotel, we were having sex and then I surprisingly came on my period and was having cramps. My bf because upset saying that "You are always on your period, this always happens, I hardly see you, you know what Galaxy I'm just going to go, can you book a cab please, I bet this didn't happen when you were fucking your lesbian friends (we had broken up for two years and I had one sexual encounter- he did not)". He then calmed down and said ok let's do it but I said no that I'm feeling unwell and he processed to give me water and rub my back.

Anyway, in the morning, he was practically insulting my dress sense... he said "What happened to you, you don't colour coordinate your clothes correctly, you look like a grandma like your cousin said, your friends are not telling you the truth, maybe that's why the cinema people didn't let us in because of the way you presented yourself, just look at you? Even those other girls were looking at you, what happened to that other stuff you were wearing before- that was very nice. If you dress like that again when your with me then I'm just going to go home, you have lost a lot of weight, your clothes just hang off you, please wear those clothes like last time next time".

I'm not being funny, but he doesn't dress all that decent himself. I comment that "oh your wearing that again" but I take him as he is and I don't comment any further because that doesn't matter to me.

He also did something else which I don't feel like sharing on here..But because of what my friends say and cousin, and now my bf should I change what I wear and start to dress more you know... make more of an effort? I have let myself go...

OP posts:
ILikeHotWaterBottles · 02/07/2022 08:51

Dump him. He's a knob and you deserve better.

ShirleyJackson · 02/07/2022 08:51

Bin him, he’s a cunt.

chiffchaffchiff · 02/07/2022 08:52

Change your boyfriend, obviously. I don't understand why you feel like you need to ask. He sounds awful.

ShirleyJackson · 02/07/2022 08:53

I’m shocked you had to ask, actually. Why would you accept such foul behaviour?

Who the fuck does he think he is?

MintJulia · 02/07/2022 08:53

Oh for goodness sake, dump him. Why would you put up with such nastiness?

dreadlyn · 02/07/2022 08:53

No
Get rid of him. Use the time to discover yourself again. When you're happy within yourself you will attract the right person.

Hoolahulahoop · 02/07/2022 08:53

You don't deserve to be treated like this.

BeetyAxe · 02/07/2022 08:53

He’s an absolute wanker as are some of your friends. Tell them all to fuck off, look in the mirror and tell yourself how wonderful you are just as you are. There are men in the world who will love you know matter what your clothes are like.

Fanofcrisps · 02/07/2022 08:53

Well he's horrible isn't he? How hurtful. Bin him off OP, nobody needs this in their life

PuppyMonkey · 02/07/2022 08:54

Get rid.

Fuuuuuckit · 02/07/2022 08:54

Hmmm. You only see him every 4 weeks and he's moaning you're on your period every time? How about changing the weekends?

He's just pissed off that he didn't get to have sex.

If you're comfortable in your clothes keep them. Nothing to do with him, or your cousins and reasonably unlikely that's why you were refused entry at the cinema

vodkaredbullgirl · 02/07/2022 08:54

Change your bf not yourself.

KittyCatsby · 02/07/2022 08:54

Don't change your clothes , change your boyfriend.

PinkButtercups · 02/07/2022 08:56

You broke up for 2 years and it should've stayed permanently. He's a dick and trying to belittle you and put you down all because he couldn't get his Willy wet, c**t.

BackToTheTop · 02/07/2022 08:56

Don't change your clothes , change your boyfriend

This with bells on it!

SuperSange · 02/07/2022 08:59

Tell him to fuck off.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 02/07/2022 08:59

I think the clothes comments are the least of the issues here. Dump.

Neolara · 02/07/2022 09:00

Well he's obviously not a very nice person. I think you deserve better. I suggest you ditch him and find someone who will bring joy to your life.

TabithaTittlemouse · 02/07/2022 09:01

He doesn’t like you for who you are. If you change he will love you, that’s a bucket full of shit. What next? Change your hair, the way you walk, the way you talk.
How does he want you to dress?

Skinterior · 02/07/2022 09:02

They can all go fuck themselves. Unless you don't like how you look there is absolutely no reason to change.

TitInATrance · 02/07/2022 09:04

You broke up for two years, he couldn’t find anyone else to sleep with, and you see him every 4 weeks - it doesn’t sound as if he’s being supportive of your family issues.

Bin him for his attitude and blaming everything on you.

None of us know whether you need to smarten up because we don’t know what you look like, but I’d save it until your life has improved enough to consider finding a new boyfriend!

hobbledyhoy · 02/07/2022 09:05

Keep the clothes and get rid of the arsehole.

BlueSuffragette · 02/07/2022 09:07

Raise the bar OP by dumping him. Be who you want to be, just for you.

TibetanTerrah · 02/07/2022 09:07

You give in to him saying change your clothes and he'll just find something else to criticise - you'll have given him the green light to mould you into what he wants.

bluedomino · 02/07/2022 09:12

Do you feel happy and confident in your clothes? Do you want to dress like your cousin or your friends? Just wear what you want. Don't try to please other people by changing yourself as you won't be able to keep it up. You need to find someone who wants you for you. Someone who values you. I think to be refused entry into a cinema because of your clothing, you would have to be wearing something pretty offensive like a dress printed with swastikas. I think your boyfriend was having a tantrum as he didn't get to see the film and then sex wasn't going the way he planned. He sounds unpleasant and immature. Rather than asking if the relationship isn't working because of how you dress, ask if it isn't working because he's a selfish, nasty, mean, uncaring tosser. Dump him for good this time.

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