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Original poster

Is my boyfriend right? Should I change how I dress?

213 replies

galaxymilkshake · 02/07/2022 08:49

Just feeling a bit upset but wondering if my boyfriend is in the right.

So anyway, I dress very casual, very creative. I'm not a girly girl by any means. My friends say I need to put more effort into the way I dress and my cousin joked around and said I dress like a Grandma 😑.

Apart from my dress sense. I just don't have much money to buy new clothes.

Anyway, I feel like my boyfriend was a bit of a sick today. So yesterday, myself and my bf went to the cinema very late. Unfortunately, we just missed the start show time and the Cinema staff refused to let us in. Due to that, we went to a restaurant instead and booked ourselves into a hotel as it was very late.

Myself and my boyfriend don't see each other that often. He is very keen but I am going though so many family stuff- so at present we see each other once every four weeks. So at the hotel, we were having sex and then I surprisingly came on my period and was having cramps. My bf because upset saying that "You are always on your period, this always happens, I hardly see you, you know what Galaxy I'm just going to go, can you book a cab please, I bet this didn't happen when you were fucking your lesbian friends (we had broken up for two years and I had one sexual encounter- he did not)". He then calmed down and said ok let's do it but I said no that I'm feeling unwell and he processed to give me water and rub my back.

Anyway, in the morning, he was practically insulting my dress sense... he said "What happened to you, you don't colour coordinate your clothes correctly, you look like a grandma like your cousin said, your friends are not telling you the truth, maybe that's why the cinema people didn't let us in because of the way you presented yourself, just look at you? Even those other girls were looking at you, what happened to that other stuff you were wearing before- that was very nice. If you dress like that again when your with me then I'm just going to go home, you have lost a lot of weight, your clothes just hang off you, please wear those clothes like last time next time".

I'm not being funny, but he doesn't dress all that decent himself. I comment that "oh your wearing that again" but I take him as he is and I don't comment any further because that doesn't matter to me.

He also did something else which I don't feel like sharing on here..But because of what my friends say and cousin, and now my bf should I change what I wear and start to dress more you know... make more of an effort? I have let myself go...

OP posts:
cottagegardenflower · 02/07/2022 10:14

I have no idea why you think this relationship is good for you?

RockinHorseShit · 02/07/2022 10:14

He's a nob, & very likely abusive once he has you cornered where he wants you.... do yourself a huge favour & get rid

He's deliberately trying to undermine your confidence because you pissed him off & his reasons for being pissed off are out of order

Naunet · 02/07/2022 10:15

That I have to make my bed and lie in it

Dont be daft!! You’re dating him, that doesn’t put you under any obligation to marry him, there is no made bed here! You’ve recognised that he’s not good for you, now you just need to end it. You don’t live together so this shouldn’t be too tricky, although he sounds like he may not take it well? How did things go when you previously split?

onlythreenow · 02/07/2022 10:17

OP, it wouldn't be my way of dressing I would be changing! Your bf is a dick.

frozendaisy · 02/07/2022 10:18

Dress how you like tell the rest of the world to stick their fucking opinions up their arse!

KatherineJaneway · 02/07/2022 10:19

He sounds awful, I'd definitely get rid ASAP. His behaviour towards you is abusive.

Regarding how you dress, as a few people have said it that are close to you like your Mum and friends, I'd take that on board and consider what they have said.

Ceriane · 02/07/2022 10:19

Dump him! What a prick!!! You deserve better!

frozendaisy · 02/07/2022 10:21

And boyfriend sounds like a lot of hard work and commitment for very little reward. Tell him to stick his snide lesbian, if we see each other on a 4 week cycle of course it's in synch with my menstrual cycle you dumb fuck comments up his arse and never attempt that "other shit" with me ever again.

MustardCress · 02/07/2022 10:21

You can stop seeing him. He is an awful, abusive man. Focus on the life you want to have and remember that he will never make you happy. Dump him, block him and don’t look back. Go and have the happy life you deserve.

DottyLittleRainbow · 02/07/2022 10:24

Change the boyfriend not the clothes! What a dick! You deserve better.

007DoubleOSeven · 02/07/2022 10:25

@galaxymilkshake I completely agree with everyone else, your dress sense is not the problem your awful bf is and the sooner you dump him and cut all contact the better.

I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time at the moment, it sounds like you have a lot of your plate that's affecting you deeply. (So the last thing you need is to be with this abusive arse - get rid and you'll feel better for a start).

He said you've lost weight lately, have you? How's your appetite and diet?

I do wonder if the comments from your mum and friends about the way you dress and if you've lost weight are actually them noticing a change in your state of mind lately. Have you stopped taking care of yourself?

What you've said actually reminds me of me when I've been going through a difficult time and just sort of hanging on. In reality I've been depressed and stopped caring about what I wear and how I wear it.

If you think this is also reflective of you, might it be worth a chat with your gp for some support?

Regardless, if you have stopped caring for yourself lately it NOT an excuse for his behaviour and it absolutely does NOT make anything he said right.

Finally - because I don't think you can hear it enough:
No, your relationship is not normal or healthy.
The way he makes you feel is not OK.
Please dump him and cut all contact.

Rwealere · 02/07/2022 10:26

I’m wondering if you’re one of those people I’d actually admire the way you dress. Def dump him life’s too short for his stupid selfish negativity. As for your friends are you sure they aren’t just a tiny bit in admiration of how you dress to suit yourself?

NineToFiveish · 02/07/2022 10:28

Dump him and go back to women.

DuesToTheDirt · 02/07/2022 10:31

I don't know what to do.

But every single person reading this thread knows what you should do - dump him.

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 02/07/2022 10:33

run for the hills @galaxymilkshake he ain't changing! he's telling you who he is and you're accepting this. can you imagine continuing this relationship? you are worth more

Cakecakecheese · 02/07/2022 10:33

You don't see him that often and when you do he's unpleasant. It's really not difficult to see that this needs to end.

shandon14 · 02/07/2022 10:34

Everything is telling you that this has run its course. Be brave, you deserve better.

Spudina · 02/07/2022 10:36

You only see him every four weeks. Of all the people who come on here in abusive relationships (and yours is abusive make no mistake) yours is one of the easier ones to extricate yourself from. You don’t live together, you aren’t married with kids. Just dump his sorry ass.

shrodingersvaccine · 02/07/2022 10:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

Spudina · 02/07/2022 10:43

The way he talked about your dress sense was unforgivable, but as other PP have said, if everyone around me talked negatively about the way I dressed, I would actually take it on board. It sounds like you have lost weight and your clothes no longer fit, regardless of the style you choose. Treat yourself to something new, you deserve it.

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 02/07/2022 10:45

I feel stuck. That I have to make my bed and lie in it. I don't know what to do. He called me this morning apologising and I just broke down in tears. I want to be with this man but I know he is not good for me.
You aren't stuck, you haven't made any commitment that you have to honour. Why do you think leaving a not nice man is a moral failing? Why do you want to be with him?

balalake · 02/07/2022 10:48

You are better off single.

Banoffe · 02/07/2022 10:49

Leave him and do it now. He’s abusive, and you won’t be happy with him.

You have not made your bed, you owe nothing to him. Leave him and live a happy life.

Shortpoet · 02/07/2022 10:49

I'm not innocent, I can be emotionally abusive towards him. I do it to push him away

You are not abusive. Your reactions are the perfectly normal reactions to trauma and the abuse he is giving you. He says you’re abusive to make you doubt yourself, to blame yourself, to keep you off balance and stop you realising how abusive he is to you.

I think you need support in leaving him. I’m going to put some links in my next post for you.

Hbh17 · 02/07/2022 10:51

Aside from the much bigger issue - that he is an abusive b**tard - how you dress is none of his business. Or anybody elses. Just wear whatever you like & what makes you feel comfortable.