Is my boyfriend right? Should I change how I dress?

[galaxymilkshake]

Just feeling a bit upset but wondering if my boyfriend is in the right.

So anyway, I dress very casual, very creative. I'm not a girly girl by any means. My friends say I need to put more effort into the way I dress and my cousin joked around and said I dress like a Grandma 😑.

Apart from my dress sense. I just don't have much money to buy new clothes.

Anyway, I feel like my boyfriend was a bit of a sick today. So yesterday, myself and my bf went to the cinema very late. Unfortunately, we just missed the start show time and the Cinema staff refused to let us in. Due to that, we went to a restaurant instead and booked ourselves into a hotel as it was very late.

Myself and my boyfriend don't see each other that often. He is very keen but I am going though so many family stuff- so at present we see each other once every four weeks. So at the hotel, we were having sex and then I surprisingly came on my period and was having cramps. My bf because upset saying that "You are always on your period, this always happens, I hardly see you, you know what Galaxy I'm just going to go, can you book a cab please, I bet this didn't happen when you were fucking your lesbian friends (we had broken up for two years and I had one sexual encounter- he did not)". He then calmed down and said ok let's do it but I said no that I'm feeling unwell and he processed to give me water and rub my back.

Anyway, in the morning, he was practically insulting my dress sense... he said "What happened to you, you don't colour coordinate your clothes correctly, you look like a grandma like your cousin said, your friends are not telling you the truth, maybe that's why the cinema people didn't let us in because of the way you presented yourself, just look at you? Even those other girls were looking at you, what happened to that other stuff you were wearing before- that was very nice. If you dress like that again when your with me then I'm just going to go home, you have lost a lot of weight, your clothes just hang off you, please wear those clothes like last time next time".

I'm not being funny, but he doesn't dress all that decent himself. I comment that "oh your wearing that again" but I take him as he is and I don't comment any further because that doesn't matter to me.

He also did something else which I don't feel like sharing on here..But because of what my friends say and cousin, and now my bf should I change what I wear and start to dress more you know... make more of an effort? I have let myself go...

I’d dump him for being such a thick misogynist, he thinks you have control over your periods. What an absolute idiot.

You can do better than this.

He sounds horrible.

Be yourself, don't apologise for it and tell him to f**k off.

The only thing that needs changing is your boyfriend.

What do you think a bf should be like? I'm not being sarcastic or facetious, it's an honest question.

Make a list of the things you imagine a good bf is like. It could be things like

• loving


• supportive


• makes me feel better about myself


• makes my life better


• we laugh together a lot


• he 'gets' me


• we're a good match

Now compare this with your bf.
He doesn't want to be with you if you're on your period? (He even wanted you to book the cab for him, the lazy arse). He criticises your dress sense. He throws your past at you (one encounter while you weren't with him = none of his business). He doesn't sound kind or loving.

He comes across as controlling and unkind, entitled and a bit dim (about the periods).

At best, you aren't a good match. So either way I would walk.

Reads thread title, thinks "You need to leave him."
Advises oneself to to pre-judge.
Reads entire thread: "You need to leave him."

This kind of behaviour is about him, not about what you wear.

I have let myself go

... then yes, time to consider your style and clothing and perhaps make some changes to how you present yourself. It might help give you confidence to be happy single. Or meet someone new.
Because this guys a Jack ass and you need to give him the boot. You're not really feeling it anyway, are you? You'll feel relieved once it's over.

It's not you. It's him.

Dress however you want and don't mind what anyone else thinks. If your clothes make you confident that's great, if they don't maybe look at making a list of capsule items you need and seeing if you can find them in tk maxxor second hand.

I am upset at how you were spoken to.

Ps. My period comes every 4 weeks too.

Never mind the dress sense comments, the comments about your period were disgusting. (Also if you see him every four weeks, of course you're always on your period...)

But yeah, dress how YOU want and how YOU feel comfortable. Fuck him and anyone else who says otherwise.

This!

He is a cunt. Andy our friends and cousin don’t sound much better.

Why do you think the problem is your fault?
Its him who is being horrible to you and he dumb enough to think you have your period on purpose to annoy him.

Is the thing that you don’t want to say that he hurt you?

I don’t think there is anything to save in this relationship, anyway if he hurt you, you must see that more clearly.

After reading your title alone, my answer was: no

After reading your whole post, my answer changed to: fuck no, with bells on. And dump him

Good point. Who the hell are these friends?

I do need to make more of an effort. My mum says the same thing but she doesn't overly criticise me and overly comment what I wear.

My boyfriend has anger problems. When I stay over the night with him, I am itching to leave as if things don't go to plan, he just gets tick off. This morning, he was begging me to stay longer but I practically had to lie and say that I need to drop off something to my mum before I head off to work.

I feel like this all the time, is this normal? When we are out in public, I feel safe because I know that if I say anything, he would not make a scene. The minute we are in behind close doors, I am a mouse, when things are going well, great, when we have an argument, I have to placid him so that he doesn't lose his temper and when I return back to my home home, I feel at peace. He wants us to live together, have kids and get married but in my head that is my worst nightmare. How can I live with someone 24/7 who I would practically be walking on eggshells and I'm itching to get away from them- why would I want to bring children into that.

His lovely when his calm/happy. But when his upset, he is awful.

I'm not innocent, I can be emotionally abusive towards him. I do it to push him away. I do it because I have spent many many years dealing with his emotional ensure and I thought enough is enough, I'm going to treat him like shit. I know that's not nice, I know that taking an eye for an eye is is childish. I put the blame solely on my safe. Even if someone is horrible towards you- it is not then right to stoop to his level.

I love him but I want to leave. He gives me the hibby jeebies. He has an angry aura that when we are out people constantly ask him if his upset.

He did something bad too yesterday. I must have said something- I was getting frustrated as he kept me up all night till 3am wanting to discuss why I have been treating him like shit and accusing me of cheating on him and going though my phone messages. I told him" bf, can we stop please, I have to get up very early. Do this and that and blah". Then he immediately jabbed my ribs- like as if someone is trying to kick you off the bed but he did it quite hard that I almost fell off the bed. He has never been physical towards me. He was getting irate and I kept my moth shutum-- agreeing to all the bullshit he was saying and in my head I'm thinking Fuck that, I need to go.

I love him but this is not what I want in life. I want to have a friend, I want to be with someone who I can tell my thoughts too without me worrying about whether they are going to blow up or not. I want to have a happy, peaceful home. Yes, occasionally adults get into arguments but I know.l that if I ever live with my current bf that we would just have arguments daily and Me trying to keep the peace.

I made a stupid mistake agreeing to get back with him. Now, he really wants to take things forward, marry, live together, kids and I feel stuck. That I have to make my bed and lie in it. I don't know what to do. He called me this morning apologising and I just broke down in tears. I want to be with this man but I know he is not good for me. I know I would lead a miserable life.

You're not stuck.

He's rude, selfish, and it sounds like abusive to boot.

You never have to see him again. You can call him (or text him) and say that you don't want to be in a relationship any longer. If he's dangerous, you get protection.

But literally, you never have to see him again.

I would, however, recommend getting some therapy for why you feel like you have to stay with someone you don't like who is cruel to you.

You really need to dump him not before you are trapped in a miserable abusive marriage. Do not move in with him you know the abuse will escalate

Firstly OP do yourself the biggest favour and dump this emotionally abusive tosser. Aside from him you have too many people around you who are putting you down. You need to reduce or cut contact with them for the sake of your self esteem. Please at the very least stand up for yourself and tell them their comments are unwanted and change the subject.

Secondly are you happy with the way you dress? I personally have learned so much about how to style my figure and put outfits together from stylists on YouTube. Pinterest is also a great place to gain inspo. But in the end you should wear what makes you happy. Dress to please yourself and tell anyone who has a problem with it to fuck the fuck off.

You see each other every 4 weeks. That's 12 or 13 times a year and you argue quite often when you see each other.

Honestly, you're not in a proper relationship at all - it's certainly not a healthy one. It's not going to get any better.

Just tell him straight that the relationship is not working for you and you won't be seeing him again.

You need to take responsibility for yourself and your own future and act now. No one else is going to end it for you.

I love him but this is not what I want in life. Good. That makes the decision much easier for you.

Dump this nasty piece of work and be yourself. Don't try and completely change yourself in order to try and become the person he wants you to be, because it never works. You are fundamentally unsuited to one another.

Put an end to this toxic relationship, and one day you'll meet someone who loves you just the way you are.

Oh, and find some new friends - ones who don't make snide comments about your dress sense.

You deserve so much better than this. If your worst nightmare is being with him long term then end it now.

It is worrying you don't seem to realise how bad he is and I think you need to reset your boundaries. Your support network (family and friends) don't sound at all supportive, so maybe you need some external help (freedom programme, counselling etc).

You asked "is feeling like this all the time normal?" & the answer is yes, and no.

Yes, it is normal to feel like this when someone is being horrible to us, judging and being rude and making us feel uncomfortable and nervous about the possibility of them becoming angry for no reason. Responding to that behaviour by feeling as though you want to do anything to placate them is a normal response.

No, it is not normal to feel like this in a relationship - especially not one that is so committed that it might lead to living together, marriage and children. Feeling safe, trusting the other person to be kind and supportive, and knowing that you are valued for who you are is a normal and reasonable expectation for a relationship and it is not normal for none of these to be in place - feeling safe being the absolute minimum.

You broke up with him for two years - what made you get back together? Was he nicer to you when you were not with him, did he say and do nice things to persuade you to come back and did he tell you things would be better? Because they're not, are they?

You sound lovely, and thoughtful, and you deserve the same love and respect everyone deserves from a partner. I know it will take a huge amount of bravery to leave him and it's ok if you aren't sure yet or you aren't ready yet to do that. But you get to decide how you want to spend your life, no one else, and you deserve to spend it being treated decently and feeling safe.

Why would you want to be with him? He has physically abused you and also sounds emotionally abusive,m and controlling. This from a man you only see once a month or so - if he can make you feel this bad when he sees you so irregularly imagine how awful it would be if you moved in together?

You need to leave him. You are not the problem here, it is 100% him.

You are not stuck. Dump him whilst you still live with your family, it's much easier to do it now than when he has forced you into living together. Drop him a text dumping him when you are safe with family. He doesn't deserve any more than that. Then instantly block

It wouldn't surprise me if he sees living together as a way of controlling you better. Also marriage and kids. This is not about love to him, but making it easier and easier to keep tabs on you and more difficult for you to get him out of your life.

HE IS ABUSIVE. He has crossed a line and abused you physically.

DUMP HIM AND BLOCK.

He sounds another foul. Why are you putting up with it?