New boyfriend forgot my birthday?

[hotnakedgelato]

I've been dating a man for almost 4 months. We have seemingly been crazy for each other (while not moving that quickly) and have a mutual understanding that we are moving into a serious LTR.

My birthday is in less than two weeks. He asked a few weeks ago what my birthday preference is and I said acknowledgement and to be taken out for dinner.

It's been crickets since then, until yesterday I finally pointed out that he hasn't asked if/when I am free. He said thanks for reminding him, he forgot

Interested in views on this

So is your birthday in 2 weeks? Wait and see what he does then?

@villamariavintrapp I am a single parent and it's essential to book my time ahead. I was trying to avoid being angry/disappointed by mentioning this. He now booked something, but I am very disappointed that I had to prompt him.

And it's less than two weeks!

I’m a single parent, so I get the planning but not everyone has to do that in their lives so sometimes it’s a bit of gentle nudging needed. Our priority to be organised is sometimes much more than other people, but other people don’t always see that.

also, it’s forget everyone’s birthdays - some people just do. At least he booked something once reminded.

most of my family seem to think about birthdays a few days before not weeks in advance. for some people birthdays just arent that important, same as with Christmas. for others its the highlight of the year. I wouldnt dump a relationship based on this personally.

You are overthinking this.

My boyfriend (now husband) forgot my birthday 11 months in. We used to play badminton in a group every Wednesday and he would book the court 8 days in advance and send calender invites for it. My birthday was on a Wednesday...He couldn't understand why I'd declined the invite to badminton until his friend who also played with us reminded him it was my birthday!! Therefore a lot of backtracking and apologies. He even had my birthday in his electronic diary on the day he booked the court!!!!!! He is hopeless with dates whereas I remember all dates. But he has far too many redeeming qualities for me to have got too cross with him. 4 years in nearly and married he texted me a few weeks ago to say he had an idea for my birthday so it's all booked.

@Musicaltheatremum my boyfriend has many redeeming qualities as well. Maybe I am making too big of a deal out of this. It's just that it's essential to plan ahead for a nice restaurant in London (where we live) and I have been very emotionally scarred by a very selfish ex.

@hotnakedgelato I can understand your anxieties. I was really anxious when I started dating my husband, I was 55 had been widowed for 6 years and internet dating was a minefield. I had been ghosted by someone I really liked and I was very upset and used to try and read too much into things. Even now I have very occasional unreasonable insecurities with him. Yesterday he had to work away from home an hour's drive and he forgot to text when he arrived. My stupid brain went into "he doesn't love me mode!!!!!" What I'm stupid, he just got sidetracked just like I do at work and don't get time to text him. I need to give my head a wobble. Hope all goes well for you.

I would be disappointed too. You have reminded him and he has booked something. Not much more to be done from here. Just see how it goes.

It’s nearly two weeks away. You’ve only just started dating so I doubt he had factored in the need for you to book child care. Worse case he can cook you a nice meal at home if you can’t get childcare sorted.

It seems like one of you will have to compromise a lot if you continue to be in a relationship. I’d reconsider on that basis.

I am hopeless with birthdays, lost count of the ones I have forgotten or got the wrong date. However they were never that a big deal with my immediate family so never really got too excited about them.

He will not have thought about child care logistics. But it is early days so I would not get too uptight about this, these things happen.

So this is someone you have only known for 3 months, who has already booked something for your birthday two weeks ahead (after a reminder)?

This is a total non-issue. He didn't forget your birthday. It sounds like you are actively looking to be disappointed.

So this is someone you have only known for 3 months

Yeah. And he's really into me. This is probably the best I am going to be able to expect. People rarely get more thoughtful and interested with time

@hotnakedgelato reign it in!!! He didn't book something for your birthday 2 weeks off... That doesn't mean he's not thoughtful or semi interested, it means it wasnt on his radar after 4 months that you like to arrange childcare early. Let's not catastrophise too early on eh?

Unless you're actually not feeling it and are looking for a reason to dump him. If thats the case, just do it

Does your bf have children? If not he really won't yet understand the necessity to plan ahead re babysitting etc. Having said that, if you told him when your birthday was, why didn't you just go ahead and arrange a sitter anyway? Also, unless you have a really specific (Michelen-starred or 12-seats only etc) restaurant in mind it really isn't necessary to book two weeks in advance. There are hundreds of restaurants in London!

@baileys6904 it's definitely on his radar. Planning ahead is extremely important to me. I told him that I don't want any gifts, so planning ahead to do something nice is literally the only birthday requirement I have.

@unfortunateevents that's the kind of place I would want to go, yeah.

If we stay together, I would just tell him where to take me in the future because he doesn't understand good restaurants (yet)

And no, he doesn't have kids. I think that he is very poor at planning generally.

He’s booked. He might have remembered by himself even without a prompt. Don’t ruin it before it’s even happened, just look forward to a fun night.

Op, you're self sabotaging here.

It sounds like you are setting him up to fail to be honest. He doesn't have children, is poor at planning, doesn't know good restaurants yet (well, what you consider "good") so no matter what he did you were always bound to be disappointed weren't you? If this relationship is going to have legs, I think you need to be up-front and at least initially tell him someplace you have always wished to eat or the types of cuisine/ambience etc that you enjoy.

@unfortunateevents I don't expect him to know anything about dining and I know he's not a mind reader.

What I would have hoped for is for him at least to see if I am free. (He's probably learnt this lesson now as I am now booked on the Saturday, when he would have wanted to go for dinner).

It's helpful to read the comments here. I'm not planning to bin him and I want to be fair to him, but I have often sold myself short in the past.

If you have birthday "requirements" then I think most adults would find that rather off-putting. Really, nobody needs a fuss on their birthday if they're over 21.