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Original poster

New boyfriend forgot my birthday?

195 replies

hotnakedgelato · 29/06/2022 11:49

I've been dating a man for almost 4 months. We have seemingly been crazy for each other (while not moving that quickly) and have a mutual understanding that we are moving into a serious LTR.

My birthday is in less than two weeks. He asked a few weeks ago what my birthday preference is and I said acknowledgement and to be taken out for dinner.

It's been crickets since then, until yesterday I finally pointed out that he hasn't asked if/when I am free. He said thanks for reminding him, he forgot Confused

Interested in views on this

OP posts:
Bc155 · 29/06/2022 16:04

What concern me here is that the quality of your birthday seem to hinge on what this guy does. Just 4 months in...and he is holding a lot of power over how happy you will be on your birthday. What if he does nothing ? As much as you like him, make plans for yourself. If he comes through, great, but celebrate your birthday regardless.

Marineboy67 · 29/06/2022 16:04

I think after 4 months your making something out of nothing. For Christ's sake give the guy a break. Your birthday hasn't arrived and your already acting up! He may have arranged a few surprises in store. You sound somewhat presumptuous which is quite off putting to say the least.

KalvinPhillips23 · 29/06/2022 16:07

So he has not forgot your Birthday? Get a grip

KalvinPhillips23 · 29/06/2022 16:11

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Honeyroar · 29/06/2022 16:25

The way you initially described what you want for your birthday sounds pretty laid back, but your further posts about expecting it to be booked weeks in advance and at a higher calibre restaurant than he’d perhaps choose sound anything but casual! Perhaps you’re giving mixed messages? Or just different types of people.

MiniPiccolo · 29/06/2022 16:29

hotnakedgelato · 29/06/2022 13:26

So this is someone you have only known for 3 months

Yeah. And he's really into me. This is probably the best I am going to be able to expect. People rarely get more thoughtful and interested with time

God you sound like hard work. Be disappointed after the event. Not prior. For all you know he hadn't forgotten at all.

Are you going to give him a dogs life over everything? It's been a few months! If it was 11 months then maybe you'd have a leg to stand on, but jesus christ. Chill out before you scare the poor bastard away.

Cas112 · 29/06/2022 16:35

Your expectations are to high for 3 month

Also he didn't actually forget your birthday, he has forgot to pre-plan and seen as he is not a parent and you haven't actually been together that long, it wont be something he is yet used to doing so you have got to try and be more understanding.

Poor guy

Original poster
hotnakedgelato · 29/06/2022 16:39

Wow, people are getting very worked up and angry about this.

How dare I have any expectations at all???

He already knows that he needs to book my time ahead and that's the key issue.

I honestly don't care where he would have booked (within reason) but the part about planning ahead out of courtesy for me, and because he should want to see me, is key. It's awkward to have to try to keep a time slot empty in case my boyfriend might want to celebrate my birthday, and I hated being forced to ask if he had any plans.

Why are so many people here threatened by this?

OP posts:
ladydimitrescu · 29/06/2022 16:50

No one is threatened by this, what an odd comment.

You are coming across spoilt, and extremely hard to please. It's 3 months in and your birthday is two weeks away, you're making a huge issue out of nothing. You asked for opinions, you just don't like the ones you're getting.

BadNomad · 29/06/2022 16:53

Does he know how much notice you need?

Original poster
hotnakedgelato · 29/06/2022 16:56

@ladydimitrescu it's spoilt for a single mother to want her boyfriend to schedule time for her? What should I have done? Just made other plans? Kept my birthday free and sat around waiting for him to approach me?

OP posts:
MissNothing1991 · 29/06/2022 16:56

hotnakedgelato · 29/06/2022 11:57

@villamariavintrapp I am a single parent and it's essential to book my time ahead. I was trying to avoid being angry/disappointed by mentioning this. He now booked something, but I am very disappointed that I had to prompt him.

Oh do wise up. Not only was it two weeks away. He didn't have to do anything. You've been together hardly long at all. You might him reconsidering with this intense controlling behaviour

Original poster
hotnakedgelato · 29/06/2022 16:59

@BadNomad YES, he definitely knows that I need a couple of weeks' notice. We have had one fight in our relationship and it was when I scheduled time with him a few weeks in advance, went to loads of trouble over it, and then he forgot and double booked himself.

On that occasion I told him it appears he doesn't care about me or my time. I was ready to bin him.

OP posts:
MissNothing1991 · 29/06/2022 16:59

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washingwakeup · 29/06/2022 17:00

Why are so many people here threatened by this?

You'll need to explain this one.

Original poster
hotnakedgelato · 29/06/2022 17:04

MissNothing1991 · 29/06/2022 16:56

Oh do wise up. Not only was it two weeks away. He didn't have to do anything. You've been together hardly long at all. You might him reconsidering with this intense controlling behaviour

Show quote history

If he didn't do anything at all for my birthday, I would definitely dump him. Why would I want to be with someone who is like that? It's controlling to want a boyfriend who makes time for me?

OP posts:
unfortunateevents · 29/06/2022 17:05

On that occasion I told him it appears he doesn't care about me or my time. I was ready to bin him.

He messed up ONCE and you were going to bin him?! Honestly if you carry on like this you won't have to worry about not seeing him any more, he'll make the decision for you. Your ex must have done a complete number on you for you to be so constantly alert to possible transgressions. I have said it before but I'll say it again - he doesn't have kids and like all of us pre-children he simply doesn't get the planning required, you will have to explain it to him rather than just going off the deep end about him failing to appreciate that. You said yourself he is not good at planning - only you can decide if you can live with that longer-term but to know that 3 months in and just sit back and wait for him to mess up on your birthday dinner just sounds like masochism!

girlmom21 · 29/06/2022 17:06

hotnakedgelato · 29/06/2022 16:56

@ladydimitrescu it's spoilt for a single mother to want her boyfriend to schedule time for her? What should I have done? Just made other plans? Kept my birthday free and sat around waiting for him to approach me?

You literally should have said "I have x, y and z free so if you're around we could celebrate my birthday on any of those days" like you will with your friends

Karenina40 · 29/06/2022 17:07

Gosh Op, well done for putting your guards up and setting the boundaries straight from the beginning of your relationship, especially because you sold yourself short previously as you said. Yes, be "hard work " take it as a compliment. Your potential partner "should earn" your love and trust.

Also ladies if your partner asks you what you want for bday, anniversaries etc., do choose some nice little treat for yourselves e.g perfume, bracelet etc. Why not? There's no shame in it. Plus most men are ridiculous in choosing good presents anyway as MN is a proof of it every single Xmas, vday, etc.

MissNothing1991 · 29/06/2022 17:07

hotnakedgelato · 29/06/2022 17:04

If he didn't do anything at all for my birthday, I would definitely dump him. Why would I want to be with someone who is like that? It's controlling to want a boyfriend who makes time for me?

Show quote history

Yes it is controlling to pretty much demand that he does what you want.

Funnily enough, I reserve my birthday for my child. Not dates with men I hardly know. But I would never expect a man to take me somewhere expensive regardless. I'm not that shallow.

rubberhead · 29/06/2022 17:07

I don't think I would be letting it take so much of my head space in such a short space of time. If he wants to do something with you then he will. Men are also not always great with stuff like this either and he's probably not even given it much thought ( it's such early days)

Original poster
hotnakedgelato · 29/06/2022 17:09

@unfortunateevents this is why I raised it with him - to avoid masochism. I was going to wait and see what he had planned but I was becoming increasingly anxious and annoyed.

As I said above, I am going to accept for now that he's poor at planning and that it's acceptable if this is his worst flaw. He's a very kind person and hopefully as another pp said, he will learn with time how important pre-planning is.

OP posts:
Original poster
hotnakedgelato · 29/06/2022 17:13

MissNothing1991 · 29/06/2022 17:07

Yes it is controlling to pretty much demand that he does what you want.

Funnily enough, I reserve my birthday for my child. Not dates with men I hardly know. But I would never expect a man to take me somewhere expensive regardless. I'm not that shallow.

Show quote history

I feel sorry for you that you expect so little from a relationship.

Incidentally, I would rather he take me somewhere cheaper but foodie-er, but I know he must have put thought into the expensive place he chose. I am intentionally not suggesting something else because I don't want him to feel bad (and I am sure it will be very nice).

OP posts:
Hrpuffnstuff1 · 29/06/2022 17:15

hotnakedgelato · 29/06/2022 13:41

@unfortunateevents that's the kind of place I would want to go, yeah.

If we stay together, I would just tell him where to take me in the future because he doesn't understand good restaurants (yet)

😂Eh, what is a good restaurant?
Tbh if you were my girlfriend causing such a fuss, it'd be ghost ya later.

No one is worth that much strife 4 weeks in.

Irridescantshimmmer · 29/06/2022 17:16

He can't complain if you forget his birthday😂