New boyfriend forgot my birthday?

[hotnakedgelato]

I've been dating a man for almost 4 months. We have seemingly been crazy for each other (while not moving that quickly) and have a mutual understanding that we are moving into a serious LTR.

My birthday is in less than two weeks. He asked a few weeks ago what my birthday preference is and I said acknowledgement and to be taken out for dinner.

It's been crickets since then, until yesterday I finally pointed out that he hasn't asked if/when I am free. He said thanks for reminding him, he forgot

Interested in views on this

My brother is constantly surprised that he has forgotten my birthday again. It has only been 60 years. He'd be gobsmacked by Christmas if it weren't for the advertising. Some men seem to just be very bad a remembering stuff like this matters or needs planning for. My SIL says the same thing. She takes control of this by telling him what he needs to do next...

Yeah, I think my boyfriend would appreciate this approach. Your SIL sounds wise.

Here is an overview of FDS. It is same as Red Pill movement. It is a horrible movement and any man who hears a woman is into it should run far and fast. It is as toxic as they get.

www.vice.com/amp/en/article/akdm4a/female-dating-strategy-relationship-advice

You do realise you make absolutely no sense whatsoever. Several posts ago I said I don't expect men to spend money on me etc.. I myself am 'fully self-sufficient'. Yet you were straight in there saying you pitied me for my low expectations. If you expect a man to spend a bloody fortune on you after a few months for your birthday, you are likely not looking to be 'fully self-sufficient'. So make up your bloody mind.

I'm genuinely shocked at some of the replies you've gotten here OP. You didn't demand he do something for your birthday, he asked what you'd like to do. He then forgot and only arranged something because you mentioned it. He knows you're a single parent and therefore can't be as spontaneous as someone with less responsibilities so he absolutely should have had something planned and shouldn't have needed the prompting. He's lucky to have found anything decent in London with only 2 weeks notice, i remember booking somewhere nice for my birthday with 6 weeks to spare and being told I was lucky that one table was left! I completely get why you felt as you did and think you've handled it well.

My reading of FDS was that it a very traditional approach to relationships and hardly the epitomy of modern, self reliant womanhood. Don't you expect men to pay for all dates, certainly at the beginning? It appears to be basically "find an alpha male who will look after you".

It has NOTHING to do with abortion rights, which I am incredibly supportive of.

It is kind of a retaliatory movement for misogyny. It is about women being Queen's and men needing to put them on a pedestal. Men are "garbage" and "braindead" and only to be used to get what you can from them and to use them as much as you can. The more a man can give you, the more "High Value" he is and the goal is to get a "High Value Man" who will worship you and treat you like a Queen and pay for everything and bend over backwards to meet your every need. In return you walk all over him, control him, berate him for wrong doing and for not treating you like a Queen, and make him grovel at your feet for what he wants. The man must be loyal and devoted because he comes from the evil "manosphere" and needs to atone for the ills of man. They want women to teach men how to be HVM and worship women.

They also degrade women who 'settle' for a "Low Value Man". A LVM is one who expects a woman to split a bill or contribute financially or takes her on a low value date like a hike and a coffee instead of a high end dinner or who doesn't go all out all the time for her. A LVM might expect a woman would clean her own house whereas a HVM would hire her a cleaner because he wouldn't want his Queen to be cleaning. Etc. If a woman settles for a LVM, they call her a Pickmeisha - because she didn't value her worth enough to hold out for someone who would worship at her feet.

That's worse that I thought. Defiitely not the way to have a lasting, loving relationship.

For context, I've been very happily married for almost 40 years.

It is a little cult like. It has its own language and rules. It pulls women in by using words like self worth and empowerment but....self worth and empowerment doesn't require treating others badly or putting oneself on a pedestal or hating men! It is not about mutual respect and that to me is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship.

nothing to do with this thread, but think this highlights a difference between how people in London and outside London think, where I live (in the sticks) 2 weeks notice is plenty, might as well be 2 years as McD is always open (joking) , but almost nowhere is ever fully booked and even the posh ones like Harvester ( another joke) are never full

You are overthinking this in a big way.

You have been dating for 4 months. It’s important that you know he is considerate if you want him to be a life partner. However you also need to accept he is not responsible for your anxieties and situation. If you want to go out for dinner on your birthday, then book a table yourself 2 weeks in advance.

We are all different and have different expectations in life. I’d not be overly invested in planning birthdays for someone I had been dating for 4 months. I’d find the constant reminders off putting. I think it is fine to ask him to keep the date free. That’s it.

Fwiw, you should be planning a birthday with friends and family around you, not just the new man. He shouldn’t be the focal point of your life at 4 months, 4 years or 40 years.

FDS doesn't advocate treating others badly.

It does recognise that we are a misogynistic society and women need to protect themselves. Men and women have internalised traditional standards to an extent and expecting a man to fulfill the basics of traditional dating standards is a decent test for seeing if he is a resentful arse / ensuring that he's at least somewhat invested.

Waiting to have sex is just a reasonable precaution because sex generates feelings that can cloud judgement. Also, due to the misogynistic culture, many men harshly judge women who have sex early (while they themselves are doing the same thing).

It's like any type of movement. I'm a liberal but I don't agree with all liberal ideology. People love to look at a few controversial things said by some users and apply this to the whole concept.

And it's nothing like red pill. These comparisons ignore the patriarchy we live in and the prevalence of male violence. Red pillers have literally gone on killing sprees. They get really into the hate and blame towards women while FDS focuses on self-improvement and self -empowerment

@LemonTT i moved countries for my abusive ex and don't have family here. He has my daughter on my birthday.

I usually just ignore my birthday, so I admit I was a bit excited to have someone want to make a little bit of a fuss over me when my boyfriend asked about it

Seriously! I hate having to plan ahead. But that's life in London for you - totally oversubscribed.

It’s only been 4 months….calm down

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow also, my boyfriend is a committed vegetarian so none of those gourmet non-London options would work

FDS focuses a great deal of its energy on hate towards men.

By the way bald men are LVM - as HVM have a good head of hair. There are also some races considered higher value than other races. Some races are lower value but can be used for an asset (like larger penises). It also posits that ALALT (All Men are Like That) - all men are rapists, all men are x... hence you never trust any man, you just use him. Men are referred to collectively as scrotes.

This is what you believe - own it. It is a hateful movement, just like Red Pill. I have no doubt FDS would cheer the killing of men, they would feel he deserved it. If you are going to be a hateful person, don't hide behind buzz words like empowerment.

It isn't a few people, there is a Handbook for the movement that describes these things. They are central tenets to the FDS movement.

Once again, you seem to have trouble thinking critically. I have described some of the tenets of FDS. I didn't say I follow FDS religiously.

In fact, I paid half on my first date with my boyfriend and he looked surprised and disappointed. Other times he has paid while I have been in the bathroom. I love his generosity and desire to take care of me. (And I do nice things to take care of him, like cook loads of vegetarian food even though this isn't my preference).

The change since finding FDS/generally changing my outlook is that I wouldn't bother with him if he didn't enhance my life this way.

@Midlifemusings ok, believe what you want. I primarily listen to the podcast and I strongly disagree with your characterisation of the core ideas espoused by FDS.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow Oh yeah I hear you, I used to live up North and one of the things I loved was how easy it was to just walk into pretty much any restaurant and get a table. Also, there was usually no service charge and the service was invariably better - I really miss it! sob

It is a weird movement to pick and choose from like at a buffet. So you want to be a misandrist but you want to pick and choose so you don't look racist or something else? Same as a misogynist trying to pick and choose which aspects of misogyny he wants to really follow but which ones he won't.

If you wanted female empowerment, there are many avenues to that outside of choosing a misandrist movement. Why do you think FDS has been banned in many places online and had to move off of Reddit? It is a sexist hate movement.

If misogyny and Red Pill is your role model and you just wanted the female version, then you found it. I don't get people wanting to support either but clearly there are men and women who really buy into these sexist and demeaning views of the other sex.

@Midlifemusings I am not going to be responding further to your idiotic and inflammatory posts.

You don't need to reply. I don't have a problem calling out hate. Most misogynistic men don't respond well to be being called out and they also defend why it is okay to be misogynistic. And misandrist women don't respond well to it either and defend why its okay.

Neither Red Pillers or FDSers have respect for others and those sexist attitudes need to be called out. Some people aren't aware how those movement try and recruit and they are dangerous.

"Idiotic and inflammatory" or just pointing out what you don't like to hear.

The fact that you're involved in this movement does explain your posts better, to be fair.

Birthdays just aren’t a big deal to some people (I’m one of them).