I love your approach @HyggeandTea That’s amazing.
I put on 5 stone after falling pregnant with our youngest DC. I went from a size 8 to 16. My husband was horrible about it!!
He worked the longest hours and was zero percent support when we had 2 toddlers and a baby and a new house that needed a renovation. No family support, bereavement, an abortion when I accidentally fell pregnant. I remember being totally exhausted and eating the little ones’ food, as well as our own dinner. Then I survived on sugar, caffeine and snacks to get through the exhaustion. I quite literally ate my feelings.
My husband was very critical about what I was eating. He was also very restrictive about what he bought at the supermarket when he did the food shops a couple of times a week. It was almost like he thought that not having junk in the house meant I wouldn’t eat junk… well, I just ate excessive junk when he wasn’t around, as our house became devoid of treats of any kind!
He made some comments about how I looked and I started hiding my body in baggier clothes. I only used the bathroom or changed when he wasn’t in the room. He didn’t want sex at all and the impact of all of this on my self esteem was catastrophic. The sadder I felt, the more I ate.
Then one day I said something about an opportunity to be intimate (light hearted comment making light of a rare and exciting child free evening) and he said “I just don’t find you attractive”.
6 little words, but it was like being punched in the stomach.
I’ve never forgiven him for that. Those words can never been erased from my mind.
I’ve since lost a huge amount of that weight. I’m down to a size 10. I’ve always had a nice face, great skin, lovely hair. Now I’m starting to feel really good about my whole self again. Ive bought new clothes, new underwear. I’m taking care of my waxing, mani/pedi etc. I’ve done this transformation myself.
He broke my heart. He’ll never be able to do that again, as I’ve switched myself off to him. I have no interest in physical intimacy with him, although I do find my libido is sky rocketing generally. He’s still my husband, because I don’t want to be without my children every second weekend. Nor do I want them to have a stepmother whilst they’re young!
The best thing he could have done during my heaviest time, when I was so low emotionally, would have been to give me the gift of sleep and rest. And to love me. All of me. With words and also physically with touch and sex. I reckon I wouldn’t have sunk into a dangerous territory of binge eating then. Instead of feeling supported, I felt unloved by his rejection. He should have surrounded me in love instead.
I hope you find a way through this OP. Be kind, even if you leave your marriage.