Overweight husband

[Brickys]

I have been with my husband for 10 years, married for 6 and we have a 2 year old.

Over the years, he has let himself go. As mean as it sounds saying this, he’s got a huge belly and is now very flabby. I’m just simply not attracted to him anymore.

I want to be, but when I see him naked I just think what on earth has happened. We have sex once a week but I don’t enjoy it and I now fake my orgasms because he does nothing for me anymore and I just want sex to be over and done with.

I have said a few times that we should get back into shape and eat better and exercise more (admittedly, I still have some baby weight I never lost. I was a size 10 and am now a size 12) which has been my way of saying please lose weight, but it lasts 2 days and he’s back to normal. I don’t know what else I can do. I want to be attracted to him and at this point in our marriage in our 30s, I really shouldn’t be having these feelings. I don’t want to be unattracted and turned off by my husband.

Any advice?

If what you say is correct - upper 20s BMI and a pot belly - then your aesthetic expectations of a partner are pretty high... especially if those things make sex suddenly crap. They sound like quite normal bodily changes, the sort we're all prone to.

Anyway, the answer is to get the same calorie counter app, set yours to a much gentler speed of weight loss, and try and lose weight together. He can probably shed weight quite quickly. Propose it as a joint health project.

Pardon?????!

I must have misread.

It sounded as if you are saying a 12 is overweight.

Are you new here @beautyisthefaceisee ?

You soon learn which usernames to skip over without reading. Unless you like laughing at batshittery.

I'm familiar with this posters posts, normally their ramblings over on the feminist board but that is a whole new level!

Someone size twelve moaning about someone else’s weight really isn’t something to take seriously.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

You are fabulously batshit.

I’m not sure why some posters are blaming me. I’ve never once discouraged him from exercising. When he used to do triathlons and marathons / half marathons I never once had an issue with him training and we would often make a weekend trip to wherever he was doing the event, which meant I would be on my own whilst he did it, and it never bothered me once.

I am also definitely not someone who gets annoyed when he’s not at home. I encourage him to go out and have a social life. He has a weekend away with friends twice a year, leaving me at home alone with DC and I’ve never ever had an issue with that.

So stop projecting your own controlling behaviour on to me please.

How so?

I think tbf, most people don't find fatties particularly attractive.

@beautyisthefaceisee PP you quoted loves a bit of goading, she told me I must have made ‘dreadful decisions in my life’ in another thread as I don’t have much money after escaping being trafficked as a minor 😂

Oh darling if you dont know I cant help you. Have a read of the posts above to see how popular your views are.

How very dare you!

You are quite big yourself. Shouldn't you start with self-criticism? I think he would be better off if you end the relationship.

Either MN has lost the plot or you are one batshit poster changing names.

Quite big.

🤣🤣

@Brickys
A gay friend split with his partner because he no longer fancied his partner because he became overweight.
He said he loved his partner, but no longer fancied him because of the fatter belly.
His Partner when slim is very handsome.

Just try and encourage the health aspects of weight loss.

Size 12 isn’t ‘big’ (well it is for some people - I know some size 6-8 women that would feel huge at a 12), but I think the point they’re making is that she has put on weight herself and isn’t exactly a model figure - so it’s perhaps a bit rich that she has different standards for him.

''Quite big'' at a UK size 12 isn't what I'd call 'Quite big'
Depends on height and BMI.

The truth is rarely popular. I know that we come from different cultural backgrounds, but I really can’t understand this idea that we must pretend that overweight and obese people aren’t.

They're making a ridiculous comment thought that is hurtful to OP and offensive to most women.

I have friends raging from 8 to 22 and I'm so glad I have my friends and not these people.

We come from different universes.
I should have listened to the above PP who ignores your posts.

Take a look at photos of retired athletes, cricketers, footballers etc. They frequently gain a lot of weight and men tend to have a lot of it on their stomachs. Clearly, this won’t be agreed with by some of the more intolerant, presumably skinny PPs, but some people have skinny genes and some have fatter genes. When young and doing loads of exercise, someone with fatter genes will ward off fat, but that doesn’t work forever. In his 30s. Your DH could get back to it IF HE WANTS TO, but eventually that high level of exercise can’t be sustained and chubbier genes will do their thing. I used to be a size 12 (shock horror to some apparently). I’m 63 now, I eat healthily, lift weights and swim twice a week, walk and get out on my bike on the other and I’m now a size 16. My 68-years-old DH (who also has chubby genes) is ‘cuddly’ with a big belly. He also eats healthily, gym and swims twice a week, walking and cycling on the other days. Real love is unconditional. We still fancy each other because the love is fierce. Maybe you have just gone off your husband, maybe the love is waning.

I'd rather be a fatty than you, every day of the week.

I'm not sure why the OP being a size 12 has any relevance to this. Unless she's about 4'10", her being size 12 is in no way comparable to a man who's apparently nearing obesity. I doubt OP would have made a thread if he'd only put on a few pounds.

I was about to say that @FemmeNatal
might have been working off a US 12, which would be about 16-18 here but I've seen their posts on other threads so I might be being overly generous here.

I can see the trolls are out in full force.

I’m a size 12…but I am not white European so my make up is different. In my family the women are either very straight or they are very hourglass. I am 5’7, and have the hourglass figure, with a 34DD bust and jean size in 32 inch (not sure what that measures). So yes, I’m not skinny, but I’m not fat either and I haven’t changed much since I met my husband, apart from a few fine lines developing, some flab around my c section scar and some weight from when I was pregnant.

So please go ahead and enjoy calling me fat because honestly, you are not hurting me the least because I know I look good.

My husband wasn’t exactly Brad Pitt when I met him, so I’m not after a super attractive husband, but I was attracted to him regardless. But he has let himself go massively and I’m not a monster for finding that unattractive and wanting advice on how to address it.

No, you're not. Ignore the idiots.