How to nip an intense mutual attraction in the bud?

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As the title suggests I'm in a situation where I've developed an intense and unfortunately mutual attraction to a man I have to see regularly. I am 45 and he is 51. We are both happily marrried for decades and have no desire to screw our lives up but the attraction is huge on both sides. We've done nothing but other people have already commented on the tension between us.

Has anyone else dealt with a situation like this and is there an easy fix to nip this in the bud?

Sorry but don't you feel shame at the idea that people have noticed your attraction to each other? Because I would. Just be professional and cold (change jobs if you can ) and don't embarrass your and his partner

Google limerence.

If he was really into you, he’d already be with you.

Remove yourself from contact before you embarrass yourself, or embark on an emotional affair that could end in disaster. If other people have noticed, as you say, you’re already behaving inappropriately.

@forgotoldusername Yes I am mortified although it was him who was called out on it. We don't work together and we've done nothing but its just that obvious.

@BingoBungle I know he is into me this is all still new really, I know what limerance is and this isn't it, this is more dangerous than that.

Stop all contact. It's never ever worth the fallout. Enjoy the fantasy in your head, and leave it there.

@Badger1970 We live next door to each other, we share a drive and neither of us can move at the moment.

We are trying to avoid each other as much as we can though.

Be very careful OP. Hopefully it'll fizzle out.

To quote another mumsnetter on another similar thread "all you have to do is just not shag him". I've been there, and the excitement was (and still is to some extent) electric. But I'd never cheat on DH. I just enjoy the fantasies

You fancy your neighbour?

This is an accident waiting to happen. You need to pour a big bucket of water over yourself and wake up !

@makeminealargeplease Thanks for understanding, it helps to know others have been there and have got through it, I think that works better for me than all the shaming because what most people think of me doesn't bother me, i do care though what my husband thinks of me and obviously I don't want to hurt his family. I could cope with fancying him a little but the attraction is so massive and the fact that he feels the same is very exciting but a total danger zone.

Hopefully it will just ease off and in the meantime I will try not to shag him!

@Raow I know its bad, I'm trying to talk myself out of liking him so much but so far its not working.

Is everything ok in your marriage? Sexually, I mean? You're not missing something?

Definitely nip this in the bud as it'll end in tears.

Any chance you could be peri-menopausal and entering the sex surge some women get (I did at your age)?

Yep, I hear you. The tension between myself and this other man was crazy. I still fancy him and think of him a lot but there's nothing I can do about that. I'm friends with his wife and our children our friends. I can't squash the feelings, I'm not a robot I just have to know that I'll never, ever act on them.

You'll be fine OP.

*are

@LibertyBlues My sex drive is higher than my husbands and always has been but I'm not unhappy with my sex life, if its a perimenopausal surge its been going on since I was 20!

What exactly do others notice? And where have they noticed it?

@makeminealargeplease Yeah I'm not a robot exactly I can't help how i feel but i can help how I act, just wish I could dampen down the feelings.

@Jewel1968 Another neighbour came up to us chatting while we were out with our dogs it was very awkward and I made my excuses and left, the other neighbour teased hims saying if I didn't know any better i'd say you two were having an affair.

Don't shag your next door neighbour. Please. It's summer, the sun is out, the bees are buzzing, the windows are flung open and you've got the hots for the fitty next door. Fast forward to January, it's raining, you've had a disappointing quicky in his utility room, the neighbours have all sen it coming, your husband has kicked you out, he won't leave his wife and she wants to kill you. Please don't shag your next door neighbour.

@GreenManalishi has the best advice right there.

@GreenManalishi Thats quite a picture you paint and not a nice one, I really have no intention of shagging him I just wish I could find the off button.

Tired & tested with successful outcomes despite worse than average impulse control due to ADHD, in situations where leaving job/client was impossible.

Only wear your worst underwear to work.

If things are getting bad add on taking a “inner teenager” survey when getting ready for work. Check yourself when picking out nicer, more attractive clothes, hair, make up, perfume etc. Use how you look as “temptation insurance”. Tone it all down. The ore i ste sly you DON’T want to look less attractive …. the less attractive you should be aiming for.

Stick at it. The inner 14 year old with a crush who still lives inside your head (well mine did) will fight like buggery against the above. The more she flaps around fighting a missed opportunity to be MORE appealing, the harder you have to push back to highlight your less attractive attributes and minimise your best features.

Resolve can crumble in a heartbeat. So stiffen it with the horror of knickers that have seen better days and a greying bra before you leave the house.

This too shall pass. But help yourself not crash and burn your life, or anybody else’s, by putting up phycological barriers before you even leave the house, when you are at your strongest. It really does help while waiting for steely moral resolve to turn up and take over the heavy lifting.

Wtf? How has this developed? Do you look lustingly at each other whilst pushing the wheelie bin up the drive? Have you felt like jumping him when you are pulling up the dandelions? So many questions

How long have you lived next door to each other? And why is it 'exciting'?