How to nip an intense mutual attraction in the bud?

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As the title suggests I'm in a situation where I've developed an intense and unfortunately mutual attraction to a man I have to see regularly. I am 45 and he is 51. We are both happily marrried for decades and have no desire to screw our lives up but the attraction is huge on both sides. We've done nothing but other people have already commented on the tension between us.

Has anyone else dealt with a situation like this and is there an easy fix to nip this in the bud?

It’s only dangerous if either one of you are dickheads and happy to cheat on partners. This is fantasy, keep it that way. As soon as it becomes an actual affair it quickly becomes awkward and tragic.

Honestly if people are commenting and you’ve admit feelings to each other, you’ve already betrayed your husband. You can’t possibly be “happily married” because if you were, you wouldn’t do this. How would you feel if your husband was doing the same? (Maybe he is).
The grass is always greener where it’s watered.

It’s fine to have crushes on people but if it’s getting so intense that you’re taking about it - then it’s time to step away.

Obviously you can’t move and you can still say hi or have a chat but don’t arrange to meet up or walk the dogs together. If you see each other out and about say hi and carry on walking.

Have you posted about this before?

Ahhh you're gonna shag him anyway no matter what we say I think! Go ahead and shag the sleaze next door, I bet my fucking life they moved because he shagged around before. Seriously, it ain't worth it. Spice up your sex life, get a celeb crush, someone that can't blow your whole world apart. But give this man a wide berth.

This.

I've been there. It's very powerful but it is just a chemical reaction. you absolutely do not want to act on it. The long term damage you will cause your families is immeasurable. I say this as my mother had the same thing, acted on it and ruined a good couple of years of our families lives. The affair lasted about 2 months but took years to heal from. I am only just beginning to forgive her fully 30 years on despite my parents still being together. My 11 year old self is still heartbroken at watching my father cry.
I got over it by staying away. Now when I see the bloke I cannot believe the feelings I had as he makes me feel a bit creepy

He's the office Romeo then and your colleagues have seen it all before no doubt. If you don't wake up you run the risk of looking very gullible. And feeling like shit.

Ugh your balding middle aged sleaze bag neighbour, is making eyes at you and slobbering around more than the dogs. He has a WIFE he's not a nice/good person if he's behaving like this, and you're not that special I guarantee he's done this before. I don't see how it's hard not to be attracted to someone slimy like this.

There's a guy on my parents' road who does similar with any new woman who moves onto the street between the ages of 30 & 70 he's now nearly 60 but tried it on with my mum (married with two children under five at the time), who gave him short shrift in the mid eighties when they moved there. His wife forgave him for the first two neighbour affairs and then he got the next one pregnant. She divorced him and the relationship with the neighbour ended less than two years later when he had an affair with her friend!!

I kind of admire your honesty OP. There is no simple and easy fix, other than completely removing yourself from the situation.
I think you’re, understandably, very flattered and it’s always exciting when you find someone you “click” with, be that as a friend or love interest.
You know the devastation it would cause and I’m sure you also know that in the cold light of day, it just wouldn’t be worth it.
I had a similar situation with a guy I worked with years ago, I was young and we were both in serious relationships. I considered leaving my now husband for him. Then, one day, someone from another department was talking about him and how he had to move jobs all the time, as he always became infatuated with a younger female colleague. It was like a lightbulb moment - I wasn’t special at all and not was the “chemistry” we had - he as just really good and making women feel like they were special. After seeing him in that light, it became very easy to back off.
You are in control of this situation and can make it so much more bearable for yourself by just thinking about things rationally and changing your behaviour to fit. Good luck x

Obviously do not shag the nextdoor neighbour but the stuff about how OP's husband will replace her with someone who will be an extra grandmother to her grandchildren (?!) is quite... gleeful.

Just walk your dog at a different time OP? I barely ever see my neigbours. Or, is it really so hard not to talk about the weather? I genuinely can't understand how you got from dog walking to admitting you fancy each other. How did it even come up?

Ooo yes- could be why they've had to move... to get away from the last neighbour he was shagging

OP - I’ve been where you are with having an enormous mutual attraction with a married friend. It was awful and frustrating - though it started off as just a fun and harmless ‘spark’ between us soon became much more dangerous and overwhelming.

Fortunately nothing major happened between us, but I wish I’d taken steps to nip it in the bud at the beginning rather than let the flirting escalate, which in turn led to my feelings increasing in intensity. Now there’s an awkward tension between us - to me, the balance feels tipped slightly as he was always the one that seemed a bit more obvious, but lately he’s really pulled back and kind of ignores me when we see each other. It makes me feel sad, but also cross with myself for even being affected by how he behaves.

so my advice probably is - avoid him as far as possible, try not to think/fantasise about him all the time, keep busy, and don’t get drunk with him!

I think this is one of the most cringeworthy threads I’ve read on here in a long time 😂

maybe it’s the fact I’m 20 years younger but the thought of a 51 year old man wagging his tail makes me wanna vomit 😂🤮

My advice is just to try avoid him as much as possible. Nothing wrong with keeping it a fantasy in your head as long as you keep reminding yourself that it’s only a fantasy. Think of your family, his family and the hurt that it would cause if you did go there.
I think you’re enjoying the attraction, the attention and the risk of danger. Again, nothing wrong with enjoying feeling wanted. It’s all exciting right now and that makes you feel good.
I think unless you’ve been your position before then it’s hard to comment on it. From experience, keeping your distance is best. Don’t go on dog walks. If you bump into him when out then be polite, nod and say hello and then leave. Try not to talk to him about it, as you won’t feel any better for it.

Look at your husband one evening, really look at him, for several minutes. Look at his face, how he walks, how he smiles. What sort of person is he, what does he care about, what are his interests? How does he care for you, and for his family? How does he show his love for you? Get under his skin for a few minutes. Then imagine him, as you are looking at him, finding out that you had an affair with the next door neighbour. Think about how he would feel and his likely reactions.

Good luck.

Newsflash: people in their 50s still experience sexual attraction. They even - gasp! - have sex. The horror!

That's not an attempt to condone this guy's actions in any way, but focusing on the guy's age in all of this is just really shallow and ageist.

The thing that I don't get with these sorts of threads- on the one hand it's all "you don't know him, he's so lovely", but on the other hand "he'd shag me behind his wife's back if I gave him the nod"...
How can he be that lovely if he's so willing to cheat on his wife? Don't get it

@Sugarpiehoney my 60 year old lover is half naked next to me. He's also my best friend and husband. I'm even older.

Firstly think how you would feel if the tables were turned and your husband and the woman next door were carrying on in this frankly embarrassing way then give your head a wobble and turn your attention back to your husband.

Best thing is to avoid each other, and if theres situations where you cant, like your hubby talking to your neighbour, then just imagine the neighbour with something gross. I dunno, some kinda rash or something.

And definitely make more of an effort with the hubby.

This .. he's only been your neighbour for six months I'll guarantee he has a pattern of doing this.. don't get pulled in it's all a game to him..

we've all be there, be realistic love and judge if the overall result is worth it.
change jobs or avoid him like others have said.

How about telling yourself that he would jump anyone as he is obviously that kind of man with no respect for his wife? You are convenient as you are next door to give him his little bit of cheap flattery. He doesn't have to go far for his quick thrills?

Even your dog is embarrassed for you 😂