How to nip an intense mutual attraction in the bud?

[raisinkrumbs]

As the title suggests I'm in a situation where I've developed an intense and unfortunately mutual attraction to a man I have to see regularly. I am 45 and he is 51. We are both happily marrried for decades and have no desire to screw our lives up but the attraction is huge on both sides. We've done nothing but other people have already commented on the tension between us.

Has anyone else dealt with a situation like this and is there an easy fix to nip this in the bud?

Insert “anytime you might see him” for “work”.

@AlienatedChildGrown I do get what you are saying but this isn't a work crush, he's my neighbour. He sees me looking like crap and picking up my dogs shit and then carrying it about for 20 minutes and he'd still jump me if I gave him the nod. So greying pants won't be enough.

Don't go out for dog walks together. Just don't hang out together. Bumping into each other on the driveway as you put the bins out or get into the car is less likely to develop. You're neighbours, you don't have to be friends. I barely bump into our neighbours.

They have only moved in at the start of the year and we only really got talking when we were out walking our dogs in the feilds next to where we live.

Picture him sitting on the toilet doing a smelly crap.

Well just don't. Surely it isn't that hard to not talk to someone in a field?

@JesusSufferingFuck22 I am trying that, I think he's probably quite grumpy at home so I'm trying to imagine him as he really is not when he's all wagging his tail like a puppy dog around me.

Think about him having a shit. Farting in bed. Other gross situations.

@tocas I don't know the farting thing never really puts me off, every guy does honking farts, I'd never get any if that bothered me!

Just don't engage. Honestly, the only reason you are talking to him is because you want to. So if you genuinely aren't actually enjoying this, then just stop engaging.

He sounds like a sleaze.

Look at him. Really look at him. Is there some detail you find unattractive? Anything will do. Even temporary. Something stuck in his teeth, a stray nasal hair, an attention seeking laugh. Imagine him doing a poo or picking his toe nails. Whatever. Doesn't matter about being shallow. This is the one time you need to focus on those things. Magnify them. Take the gloss off him. He's not a god. He's a human. Fast forward him off the pedestal into the utility room after a disappointing fumble.

@Harridan1981 I do enjoy it but its also excruciating, I am trying to avoid him as much as I can.

@Harridan1981 Thats not fair, he isn't a sleaze, he's only human and sometimes this stuff happens, still I get your trying to help men see him in a bad light which I appreciate.

The point isn’t to turn him off, it’s to damp down your excitement at the possibility. Going out of your way to kind of ruin the image of what it would be like, cos… knackered track suit, unshaven legs and tatty underwear feature in the “what if..” pictures in your head. And if they don’t, force yourself to introduce them into the flashes of fantasy. The idea is to to turn you off, not him. To decrease the likelihood of the nod happening.

Married is not dead, fancying the arse of other people will happen. Grit teeth, push through, use any physical, mental, or organisational strategy the reduce the moments of temptation just to make sure it doesn’t get unsuccessfully resisted. You’ll be alright . If you have a sister, mum, aunty or “call a spade a spade” mate, worth confiding and asking them to give you a regular reality bitch slap to help keep you on track.

@downbythewoods he's going thin on top but other than that he's bloody gorgeous. I have to go and walk the dog now actually, he should be back from his usual time so off I go, wish me luck!

@AlienatedChildGrown Okay I think I get it I will do some metal experimenting and see what works for me. thanks!

But surely the fact he's wagging his tail/sniffing round you with a wife none the wiser at home is in itself tragic and sleazy?

oops should be mental experimenting not metal!

Sounds like a film OP! Obviously you need to behave yourself and it will calm down over time but must be quite exhilarating 😂

I’m cringing at a 51 year old man bouncing round like a puppy. I don’t think you have any intention of giving this up Op, what do you really want to happen?

@napody I don't think he can help himself but i do think we are both trying.

Think about your husband and some if the moments in your partnership when you’ve loved him the most… births of your children / him looking after you when you’re sick / supporting you through a rough patch…moments when you’ve felt the solidity if your marriage. Then think about wounding him were you to act on this and how that would feel. Sex is exciting but it’s not love.

No, I wasn't trying to put you off or whatever, I genuinely think he sounds sleazy. Just moved in, and sniffing around the next door neighbour? Cliché. You can sell it as an unstoppable attraction or whatever, but it is also just a cliché.

@SandysMam you haven't seen him he's lovely I do want to give it up but i'm still at the phase where I do enjoy the thrill of just thinking about it. I'd like to slip into a different reality and be with him for a night but of course that can't happen.