How to nip an intense mutual attraction in the bud?

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As the title suggests I'm in a situation where I've developed an intense and unfortunately mutual attraction to a man I have to see regularly. I am 45 and he is 51. We are both happily marrried for decades and have no desire to screw our lives up but the attraction is huge on both sides. We've done nothing but other people have already commented on the tension between us.

Has anyone else dealt with a situation like this and is there an easy fix to nip this in the bud?

Oh please 🤮 it's nothing special, nothing "dangerous" it's limerence, and it's as pathetic as every other couple of saddos that have emotional affairs behind their partners backs. You've clearly built this up in your head to be something oh so different and special. Sorry to burst your bubble but it's really, really not.

How do you know he feels the same?

@WhatsHoppening I'm sure it goes on more than people think! It is exhilarating but also its starting to get difficult. I will behave myself, I've not been shagged in the woods for 30 years so I don't imagine going back to that now! Anyway, I need to take the poor dog out!

@Legselevens We've spoken about it and he's told me, its also obvious, you know how you can just tell? I know people will say you spoke about it, its already an emotional affair but we had to talk to co-ordinate not seeing each other so much.

Put fish paste on instead of deodorant and eat a pile of onions and garlic and then invade his space on the dog walk. That should do the trick.

Well there you go, you're not actively trying to avoid it as you are enjoying it. 🤷

@PaddleBoardingMomma limerence is when its one sided, and no real risk of anything happening. In this case the attraction is both strong and mutual we have plenty of chances to be together so I'd say that was dangerous.

How on earth does it take so much coordination to avoid each other, when you don't work together or whatever? Talking about it under that guise is a pretence and a flirtation in itself and totally unnecessary. If you happen to be out at the same time, say 'morning' or whatever and then keep walking in the opposite direction.

Oh please this is a crush on your part and you’re loving the attention, he IS a sleaze if he’s recently moved in and sniffing around for a chance of a shag with his neighbour.

FFS this won’t end well but you’re clearly not in listening mode so good luck!

But you don't know him. He's just moved in, he could have been in this situation loads of times. Obviously he won't tell you that, but he could be just a charmer even if he seems 'lovely'. And you're right, if you've discussed it you have already crossed a line.

You will set a bomb off in your lives and, in the end, whoever you are with, you will still be going to tesco and washing underpants. The grass isn't greener, it's just the way the light hits it.

You are humiliating your husband. Stop it. Its not exciting and cool and sexy, it's grubby.
As they say " Don't shit where you eat".

OP, I’ve been there. Twice. IME the danger comes when you admit it to each other, so you’re already in dangerous territory if you’ve spoken about it.

I do think that unfortunately he’s probably got form for this, and if I were you I would latch onto that. I had a massive crush on someone once and it was definitely mutual, then one night at a party I saw him flirting with another woman (also not his wife). It was like a switch went off in my head and the crush disappeared.

I also understand how intensely exciting this is. Someone fancies the pants off you and you fancy him, plus the elicit aspect of it. It feels amazing. But the fun soon stops when you properly fall in love with him and you can’t have him and then you’re heartbroken.

There’s no happy ending here, so nip it in the bud quickly would be my advice, as delectable as it is.

I haven't read the full thread, but if other neighbours are already making jokes, they're most likely gossiping about you and this will get back to your husband.

End this now if you don't want to humiliate your husband.

As others have suggested, just say "Morning" in a cheerful way to your neighbour, but don't engage in anything further.

I think you are enjoying the drama to feel honest. Grow up

Simple.

Just imagine the future.

The real future when you've shagged yourselves half to death get caught out and shafted the future of two families for a man who is nice enough but frankly pretty average.

The fact other people are commenting on your "chemistry" is not a green light. It's them telling you both give them the ick.

I've seen this at work and it is bloody embarrassing to witness - and never has a good outcome.

As a neighbour your also risking your home.

What to do? Have an adult conversation with him and say this stops now for both of you.

Then do something to invigorate your marriage and put effort into that.

You will end up shagging. It will all come out. You will assume that he will choose you and it will all be sexy and beautiful. He won't. He has probably done this before. His wife may well know and have ways of living with his wandering dick. Your husband will be devastated. He may well not want you either . Your marital home will be sold and you will end up in a smaller house on your own ,doing the hideous weekend swap of the children. Your husband will find someone lovely who will attend your children's graduations and weddings and be an extra granny to your grandchildren.. The neighbour will stay with his wife and you will wake up and think" what the fuck was I thinking".

If I told you it would cost you ££££££ tens of thousands if you have an affair, coz even if your OH forgives you, moving house is ruinously expensive would that help. Think estate agents, solicitor, stamp duty removals.

Your poor husband, you sound like you don’t give a shit about anyone but yourself

Attractions outside marriage are normal and inevitable. It is what you do about it that matters.

Sounds as though you are enjoying it a bit too much at the moment. You are playing with fire.

Most of the responses on this thread are useless.

My advice is to take all that pent up sexual energy and shag your husband a lot.

Oh god.... don't do this.

It will end in tears, please believe me.

As you live next door all i can suggest is avoiding him and applying cast iron self discipline. The fallout on this one is massive as you are neighbours. Imagine your husband found out and he was living next door!! Can you even inagine the chaos and heartache???

Step back. Stop flirting. Youre enjoying it now but if caughy, reality will punch you clean in the face and it will hurt a lot

And if he can't keep up with you ,buy a very powerful vibrator

I think if you are that attracted you should maybe move ? Think you have had some harsh replies here. You can’t help how you feel. I get that it’s exciting and makes you feel alive and attractive but usually the only cure for an intense attraction is distance which is impossible for you. Good luck with it all X

You don't need to shag him, you're getting enough thrills from this thread.