Has anyone been able to forgive sleeping with escorts?

[Rosethorn35]

Recently found emails that revealed “D”H has been cheating on me with escorts for the last 3-4 years. We have a 3 year old DS and I’m currently pregnant. Divorce now feels inevitable and I’ve read so much that supports this. But H really wants to try and fix things and is willing to give whatever assurances I need e.g. all finances in my name, passwords to all of his accounts, phone tracker etc.

Is it possible? Has anyone made this work? It makes me feel sick to consider it at the moment but there was enough good in our relationship that I want to know I thought it through

I'm so sorry.

My advice is always to consider what this would do to you. Everyone's different but for me, I know I'd turn into a psycho, checking his phone, always worrying when he was late home etc.

I don't want or deserve to be that person so I could never go back personally.

Good luck

Nope.

Nothing will change the fact that he paid to use other women's bodies.

Sorry this has happened to you. I couldn't forgive it no. It's not just the act, it's the secrecy and lies.

I couldn't carry on after this. For me, this is worse than a one night stand after a night out. Its paying to cheat. And as far as I am concerned, you can't pay for consent.

This I am afraid. And the fact he does not see women as people but as orifices for his use.

I couldn’t forgive that, it’s massive. Not only that he’s put you at risk.

Why does he suddenly want to try and make it work? Because you found out? If you hadn’t would it still be continuing? Has he moved out? Is he giving you space to think?

Also, it’s your decision.

I have sent you a DM!

What amount of "enough good" is there in your relationship to trump his consistent infidelity?

And get an STI check too.

I’d consider forgiving an affair but I’d never forgive using escorts. It’s abhorrent to me. I couldn’t stay with someone who views women’s bodies as a commodity.

I don't think I could forgive this. It wasn't a moment of weakness or passion, this was planned out cheating that he paid for. Also going by the timeline you've given, sleeping with sex workers means he risked bringing home an STI and infecting you while you were pregnant. That's gross.

I know most sex workers are very careful about sexual health etc. btw but purely by volume of partners, there is a higher risk of them contracting something and condoms are not 100% effective.

Would you ever trust him again? I know I couldn't.

It doesn't matter if other people have got past it. If you can't get past it, ( and I wouldn't - this is years of sustained lying) it doesn't mean you are lacking in any way.

I couldn't and wouldn't forgive that,it's disgusting!

There is absolutely no way I could see past that. None whatsoever.

It's years of calculated lying, using women for his own gratification, and thinking these behaviours were ok.

And you found out rather than him coming clean. He's sorry he was caught plus you can tell his family and friends exactly why. So he will lose face too.

Yuk.

Get rid.

The length of time he spent cheating and the fact he paid to have sex with other women? No. I couldn't forgive that.

If he wants you to have all his passwords etc that is deeply unattractive too - you could end up taking on a mummy role and checking up on him to ensure he's not cheating... 🙄

Get an STI test.

And big hugs.

Why would you want to be with a man who buys women to have sex with?

Men who pay for sex hate women.

I think using prostitutes (i.e. paying to rape women) is one of the worst things a man can do and I would find that harder to forgive than pretty much any other behaviour. It would completely change how I viewed him and for me there would be no going back.

You are talking about escorts and thinking about continuing the relationship. I assume that means you are OK with prostitution but you need to work out what you are prepared to put up with. He has shown you he does not respect women's bodily autonomy, and is prepared to exploit poor women to get his orgasm. This will not change.

I couldn’t forgive, I just literally could not be attracted to someone who paid for sex ever either when with me or before, would give me a serious case of the ICK.
it would be in my head every time I looked at him wouldn’t matter if his behaviour was golden for the rest of his life.

It's not a money issue and the fact he thinks this speaks volumes. It's a trust issue. It's a wife wanting to vomit every time she looks at her husband issue.

Divorce and be happy. If he hadn't been caught he would still be at it and risking your health into the bargain. What a prince.

No. It's planned cheating with multiple women, many of whom will be being exploited. Your husband is scum.

I couldn’t forgive this.

1 infidelity. Lies, risk to your sexual health, breaking the rules of your marriage.

2 paying to have sex with women who don’t want to sleep with him. Agree with pp who said you can’t buy consent. I think your husband has a really revolting view of women if he’s happy to have sex with someone who doesn’t want to have sex with him and wouldn’t do it without being paid.

I really feel for you, having a young child and being pregnant. I can understand why you’d so desperately want to keep your family together but this will rot away at you and you will be miserable.

Please remember that you are not breaking up your family; your husband did that when he repeatedly cheated on you and displayed such an abhorrent view of women. I hope you have support around you.

Why would you even want to forgive this man?

My thought exactly.

Also, while he's still feeling guilty get all the information (passwords etc) he's promising you. Then use them in the divorce so you know you are getting your fair share.

Your husband is reprehensible. A vile pig. He has risked your health, how fucking dare he?? How you can even look at him is beyond me.

God no. He could have given you any manner of STI. Wasn't thinking about you or your health/your unborn childs health when he stuck his dick other women was he?

HE PAID TO USE THE BODIES OF WOMEN. How can you have any respect for that? He hates women. Do you want your son learning that?