Has anyone been able to forgive sleeping with escorts?

[Rosethorn35]

Recently found emails that revealed “D”H has been cheating on me with escorts for the last 3-4 years. We have a 3 year old DS and I’m currently pregnant. Divorce now feels inevitable and I’ve read so much that supports this. But H really wants to try and fix things and is willing to give whatever assurances I need e.g. all finances in my name, passwords to all of his accounts, phone tracker etc.

Is it possible? Has anyone made this work? It makes me feel sick to consider it at the moment but there was enough good in our relationship that I want to know I thought it through

You just have to realise that you obviously think about things much more sensibly and deeply than a man who is basically ruled by his cock @wellhelloitsme !

I'm so sorry OP this is so sad how far along are you in your pregnancy?
It's good you've told him to leave and he should probably stay gone tbh. If you forgive he will most likely do it again and just hide it better. There are plenlty of men out there that would love you and take on your kids without wanting to sleep with prostitutes. I imagine if hes done that hes most likely cheated aswell on nights out.
You could forgive him but what life is it checking on him his emails passwords money ect! That Is no way to live. If you could forgive him without all those extras then maybe It could work but that doesn't sound like that's what it would be like for you. I wouldn't be able to get past the thoughts of him with another women it would drive me insane I would be a crazy bitch and who wants to live like that.
Please update what you decide to do! I wish you the best in your decision.

No man is actually ruled by his cock. They have free will.

Perpetuating the 'they can't help it' and 'ooh what are they like' and 'they're all the same' rhetoric is part of what fuels sexism in society.

Which is why it's especially depressing when women say that stuff.

Disingenuous @wellhelloitsme .

It crosses my mind that he might have been doing this for a lot longer than he is admitting to (or you know of) ATM - because I'm somewhat gobsmacked by the idea that - completely out of the blue - he decided to secretly put money from his winnings to one side - and use them to "start" (?!) seeing escorts - I wonder if he has always gambled as a way to make money you could not track in order to spent it on his "hobby" - how long has he been gabling for? I wouldn't be surprised if his gambling was actually a purposely chosen method to generate the money he wanted to use on escorts - do you remember when you became aware he was gambling? I guess he might be admitting to what you already know as the real story stretches back far longer than he's admitted. If I was you I'd think about looking at much older bank statements and other accounts that you might not even know about. I wouldn't be surprised if one of his close mates knew about this and was also active. I've had a couple of "mates" reveal to me that they used massage parlours - wondering if I wanted to get involved - I dumped them immediately - it strikes me that a guy can not keep his mouth shut about this kind of thing - obviously he kept it from you but I doubt that he kept it to himself.

I can't see how he can stop - it will be an addiction now I would think. I'm afraid it's meaningless telling you that you can have control of money and passwords etc - he will find ways to circumvent that façade.

What he's done is an horrendous blatant abusive breach of your trust - no doubt he's a thoroughly decent guy in other respects but surely you don't just add these two aspects up like a negative number and a positive number and conclude that - overall - he's more good than bad. IMHO there are plenty of other decent guys out there who deserve you more and vice versa.

I suspect it is far, far more common than we realise. I once read that around one in nine men admit to having used an escort at some point. Considering how many probably lie to the questioner, I’d guess it’s around one in five or four. Frank Skinner, Russell Brand, David Niven, and the guy who plays Walter in Breaking Bad (can’t think of his name) all lost their virginity to prostitutes.

The problem today, of course, is that it’s so easy. And the temptation is so strong. To make it even worse, so many men now work from home on a computer. Plus, using porn is often a gateway to visiting brothels. Men watch clips of sex with hookers (which are probably fake, of course), then get curious, click on an escort site and see all these women offering sex just around the corner. I bet someone has posted on this thread about how awful it is and yet, unknown to her, is sleeping with a guy who visits escorts.

He will never change and you will never trust him again. I thought I had married one of the world's good guys. Adored him. Everyone including me thought he was great. Until I found out he had been using prostitutes....for a number of years. It nearly destroyed me. Don't let him back into your life because he will do it again. It's easier to recover from the awful shock and trauma of finding out what he was getting up to, when he is gone from your life. It gets easier, believe me.
Keep strong op and good luck.

Men you would never expect to do it are doing it.

When it happened to me I experienced all sorts of weird things too many to go into here. One of the most strange was that my surroundings took on a new level of strangeness in the months after he admitted. Places I had lived or visited for years seemed alien and strange. Luckily that passed.

Your husband is playing Russian roulette with lots of things. Not just the usual things people think of, like stability of family life, but your mental health, your self-esteem, your confidence: those changes can change your future self and you might have to do a shitload of work to get you back to where you want to be.

One thing is certain: what they admit to is either what they think you'll believe or what they think you might tolerate. There will be a lot more they will never admit to.

I hope you'll be ok.

I never forgave nor will I ever. Why should I or any other woman who has been betrayed in this way?

I know this is so old but what did you decide to do? I am currently going through the exact same 3 years just found out and I am traumatised, husband is begging me for second chance have told him no but he will not accept it at all, I am destroyed

Of course not. Anyone who’d do that will always want to do it and likely continue to.
Some people might put up with that for whatever reason but you shouldn’t.

He's risked the health of your unborn child and deceived you about it. It's done. He's not the man you thought he was. Sorry OP.

It's also ok to limp along until you're in a stronger position to end it. You're incredibly vulnerable with mental health issues a toddler and pregnant.

@Rosethorn35 don't stay with him.

He lies, cheats and uses woman like they are nothing. There is something broken in him that you cannot fix.

If he was genuine then he would be giving you space and going to therapy to work on himself. Instead he is feeding you fake apologies and more lies so you don't uproot his comfy wee life.

You owe yourself better. You were loyal, loved him and set up a home where you took care of him and he still felt you were so pathetic that he risked all that to stick one in a prozzie.

He is disgusting and you are better than him.

End it now while you are less vulnerable. Don't give him another chance because nothing he can say will change what he did or stop him doing it again - next time he will just be sneakier!

You can fix a broken man. You can only fix yourself and not waste anymore time and love on him.

Why would anyone pay for it? And go to an escort where many men have been before... its disgusting.

I don't know how you could even want to go near him.