Has anyone been able to forgive sleeping with escorts?

[Rosethorn35]

Recently found emails that revealed “D”H has been cheating on me with escorts for the last 3-4 years. We have a 3 year old DS and I’m currently pregnant. Divorce now feels inevitable and I’ve read so much that supports this. But H really wants to try and fix things and is willing to give whatever assurances I need e.g. all finances in my name, passwords to all of his accounts, phone tracker etc.

Is it possible? Has anyone made this work? It makes me feel sick to consider it at the moment but there was enough good in our relationship that I want to know I thought it through

As for the "he needs to find out why he's been doing it" counselling, bullshit, psychology angle. Don't let him give excuses and throw it back on his partner.

UK punting reveals rge common reasons why men gave sex with prostitutes from the horses mouth;

• they want to fuck multiple women, a variety of women (while retaining the advantages of a monogamous primary relationship)

• they can fuck women who they say they couldn't pull in "real life" ... looks, age etc

• they can pay for sex acts their partner may not enjoy, or habitually do, or that they wouldn't want to ask their partner for eg anal sex, analingus, deep throat, threesome etc.

Etc. Etc.

There is no deep, sad, "something missing', complicated psychological reason for most men.

They want more sex with multiple women, they feel entitled to it, they compartmentalise it. End of story.

They of course, will say anything bit the above to their wives and girlfriends when caught.

Then you can play "caught cheater/punter" bingo....
Depression, addiction, mebtal health, not getting enough at home, grown apart, partner is abc (not their fault but actually their fault). Blah blah blah.

but the win was bigger than he told me it was and that’s the money he’s been using.

Premeditated then.

He lacks integrity on all fronts.

Infidelity, prostitute use, deceiving his partner about finances, and using money on prostitutes & himself that could've been used for any no of things for yourself, your family your kids etc.

How nice that he felt entitled to put aside a prostitute fund out of money that, as a partner/husband and father, should have been available for his kids eg savings, education, property, dream holiday, emergencies etc, or for both your holidays, retirement etc.

He has a screw loose, something fundamental missing in his morals, integrity, honesty etc .... there's no fixing that, forget about "saving" this marriage, hes made sure there's nothing to save (thoughnod course he wants to co tinyre the farce for his reputation and convenience).

I think he thinks that due to your past mental health struggles, you'll put up with anythin.

And he's not too concerned about your present or future mental health, to have been doing this to you for years, is he,?

No. For me the worst is your DC age and your pregnant too? 3 to 4 years is a long time to have been using escorts OP.

Sorry to say but you don't really know your DH that well.

I think your vulnerability appealed to him.

He likes taking advantage of vulnerable women, doesnt he.

As for all the "happy hooker, belle du jour in the Dorchester, like the sex, empowered prossie" posters .... take 1 hour to read UK punting reviews abd you will see the typical profile of a UK prostitute;

• not British
• Little or no english
• "surly/attitude problem" ie reluctant and unhappy
• try to change or get-out of sex acts their bookers have arranged
• often arranged/run by other people, sometimes women, sometimes non British men the punters jokingly refer to as "Serghei"
• working in flats with other (usually young) women, sometimes the bedrooms are all occupied so they work on mattresses on kitchen etc floors
• they are then reviewed like mannequins or robots by the punters - breasts, ass, figure, vagina, face, height, performance etc.

Sometimes punters will note drug use. Punters will also leave handy tips on parking and where to get cheap food b4 or after.

Wake up and smell the coffee.

They like sex and want to get paid for doing it.

WTAF?? How is it possible that anyone actually believes this is EVER a reason that a woman turns to prostitution? That they like sex??

That they like their orifices being fucked by men with no regard for their pleasure or even comfort?

This is not sex between two people for their mutual enjoyment. This is not sexy sex. This is not likeable sex.

Do you understand that men go to prostitutes NOT because they aren't 'getting it' at home as the men who post on this thread would have you believe. Men go to prostitutes because they want prostitute sex. Special prostitute sex. The sort of sex that has no regard for the person that they fuck.

That is why a man who cheats is better than a man who goes to prostitutes. A man who cheats is still a normal man, sexually speaking. A man who habitually visits prostitutes is a fetishist with a liking for prostitute sex.

That they like their orifices being fucked by men - who they are probably not remotely attracted to - with no regard for their pleasure or even comfort?

Amended that.

Yeah the infamous (very young) deep throater reviewed on UK punting - who was reported as "clearly out of it" and her place stinking of weed (but who the punter said he went ahead with because he "just had to experience at least once that thing everyone was talking about where she swallowed your cock") ..... clearly doing it because she likes the sex. @Rosethorn35

Dunno where that @ cane from, sorry

Also all the young women described by punters as having that "typical Eastern European bad attitude" ... must be because they love sex and enjoy their work so much.

(Oh hold on, it's because gang member "Serghei" ain't gonna be pleased if they make the money they should make that week).

*don't make the money they should make that week.

Prostitution is riddled with coercion, vulnerability, exploitation etc.

There simply isn't enough supply of women happily & independently willing to prostitute themselves; to meet the (cheaper end of the business) demand.

A man who habitually visits prostitutes is a fetishist with a liking for prostitute sex.

Yep.

Even a very active, broad minded, enthusiastic sex life (with one woman) cannot compete with the sweetie shop of prostitute sex for those men.

But that's what they could never admit to the woman whose relationships and lives they made farces out of.

I'm so sorry Op, this must be a terrible time for you.
No, I couldn't forgive this, he knew he wanted to visit sex workers and deliberately lied and held back money so he'd have invisible funds to pay for his sexual pleasures. He put you and your babies at risk of sexual diseases, how low is that? I'm really sorry but no amount of kindness in day to day life would outway this. How could you ever trust him again?

Something radical has happened to you, OP, so you must respond in a radical way. If you decide to stay, do it smart. Accept his kind offer that all finances are in your name. Protect yourself financially. Make a plan. You may not be in a position to jettison him right now but make sure you have the ability to do so in the future. If you want to stay, pretend, (like he does), compartmentalise (like he does), fool him (like he fooled you). Take all you can. Don't believe those that say this approach will affect you mentally. It won't. You're a strong woman and strong women play men at their own game much much better than the sad loser of a prostitute-loving husband.

No, problem is they have no problem abusing a woman who could have been raped that day, been sexually assaulted, and they could be cock number 50, it could hurt, she wouldn't say. But that's okay to that person and for me that's a total dealbreaker. I make it clear to anyone I date and my now husband knows it would be a dealbreaker. Fortunately he feels the same way I do.

It's legitimate to break up now.

Forgive shagging multiple prostituted.
It's a big fat NO from me. You need to get rid ASAP.

Not sure if you are still reading the responses but I want to respond anyway.

But H really wants to try and fix things and is willing to give whatever assurances I need e.g. all finances in my name, passwords to all of his accounts, phone tracker etc

He wants to do this now, because he assumes the lack of trust might last a few months. I bet he doesn't envisage that the lack of trust and feelings of resentment and betrayal might last for years, maybe decades. Has he really thought that one through? That these changes could last years?

What he's proposing is introducing an unhealthy dynamic to try and patch things up. How long exactly is he willing to keep this going. He might be all for it now because he's desperate, but as he feels things are sinking back into something that resembles normal, he might not like what he suggested any mire.

Even if you both did all these things, how would you know all of your finances are truly in your name? Wouldn't he just be able to open a small account elsewhere? Get another phone? Create new email addresses for clandestine uses?

I think you need to ask yourself exactly where the bar is? How low does he have to go before you split up with him? I bet that initially, you probably would have said this exact situation, but now you might be trying to decide if that really is a dealbreaker for you. I sympathise, because breaking up with a long term partner is a huge thing to get your head around, practically and emotionally, and you have the added pressure of a child in this as well.

I would go down the following list, and ask yourself if you are willing to forgive the fact -

1)That he cheated on you

2)That he exposed you to STDs by going outside of the relationship sexually, and with women who might have multiple 'customers' a day. Condoms don't prevent all STDs (depends where the sexual fluids end up going), and that's giving him the benefit of the doubt that he did use condoms, and that none of them broke. Not only did he expose you to possible STDs, but he exposed your unborn baby to them as well if you were sleeping together whilst pregnant.

3. That he slept with prostitutes, with all of the ethical issues that brings with it.

4)That he slept with them for years - this is no one-off. He is a regular customer, and I wouldn't be surprised if he did this before you met. He's just carried on with the habit when he felt he needed to.

5. That he most probably would have continued doing all of the above if you hadn't found out.

They want more sex with multiple women, they feel entitled to it, they compartmentalise it. End of story

sadly this is true..

I think your vulnerability appealed to him

and this..

I mean absolutely no disrespect or malice when I say this but I think it would eat you from the inside out mental health wise to continue in a marriage with this man.

if you do decide to continue with him I would definitely ensure you are in a financial position to end the marriage if you found it mentally damaging.

look after yourself💐

No way would I forgive that. It's not just the escorts, it's the lying, the deception, the planning. Think of all the lies he has told you in order to sneak off with an escort.

It's just disgusting behaviour and you shouldn't tolerate it.

If you stay with him, you will always be wondering. He can give you all the passwords/financial control he likes, if he wants to cheat, he will find a way. What's to say he won't just cheat with a coworker or someone he meets in a bar next?

If I stayed with someone like this, my mental health would be completely and utterly destroyed every single day. I'd have to walk away.

Having watched something recently about trafficked girls, no I could never forgive this.

Double standards me thinks. If escorts didn't make their own bodies available, there would be no clients.

If escorts didn't make their own bodies available, there would be no clients.

If children didn't work in sweatshops there would be no cheap clothes. It's their fault really.

Nobber.

So you're saying those who have a choice to earn money as escorts, are victims? Nobber.

@Callingoccupants

How does a man know for sure if the prostitute he's paying for sex is one of the ones who is doing so genuinely out of choice? How does he know which ones are victims? (Of trafficking, abuse, coercion etc)

He doesn't. He can't.