STBEH punishing the kids because he is raging at me.

[Lookslikesrain]

I'm being bombarded with hate mail today and last night because I asked for a fair divorce settlement instead of what he proposed. He has this morning emailed the kids school and said he is pulling them out (fee paying) due to financial issue due to divorce and they have acknowledged it.

Its purely out of spite for me.

I never ever thought he would upset the kids as a way of getting to me.

I have only asked for 20% of what im legally entitled to so I can use it as a deposit to buy a house. He wanted to give me 10%. The reason im not going for it all is because I don't want to have a horrible fight to death over it and I am only just getting in a ok place after the worst two years of my life.

So I don't know what to do now, the kids break for summer holidays in a few weeks, no school to go to.

The deal was he didnt pay me maintenance and he would pay the school fees, I was happy with that. But now because I wont agree to pocket change he has decided to give he is pulling them anyway.

I have taken so much on the chin since we split up because I wanted the kids to be protected from it and I feel that because I have been so fucking reasonable about everything to protect the kids - that the thinks I will go back and take the 10% to keep them in school.

Any advice?

He's clearly not going to play nice. He could sign an agreement paying you 20% then stop paying fees anyway.

Would 50% plus maintenance mean that you could pay fees?

I'd go for everything I was legally entitled to.

Fuck that. If the deal is off you go for the maximum you're actually entitled to.

Do you have a solicitor? If not, now is the time to get one.

Contact your LA and see what state schools are available. No longer having this hang over you could be a good thing.

Talk to the school - I assume he has paid until the end of this term (and may well have extra to pay) check with them what it means

Get a solicitor and ask for 50% - which you can do now the fees are stopping

Claim CMS

And explain this to them - not going to private school isnt the end of the world and you can get through this. How old are they

This.

Fuck him using the children to blackmail you into submission.

Id go with it and pull them out.

If he continues to pay fees he will hold you over a barrell every time you disagree with anything he wants or demand. If he pays fees he has leverage over you as he knows you will back down to protect the kids. He will threaten you with this same thing ever time. Holidays, access, money etc.

Personally id remove the lever for him. Dont hand him weapons to punish you with. Get a lump sum and walk away. He doesnt seem the type to pay maintenance so the best lump sum you can manage is important.

To piss him off this much. You may as well have pissed him off for your full share. But good for your for not accepting 10%. Its not your fault he is an unreasonable man.

Possibly but he will fight me tooth and nail for that he exploded over me asking for 20% calling me -

cancer
fucking horrible woman
green eyed goblin
thick fuck
greedy bitch
Tiny brained

ect..ect..

Sounds like 70% of the house and 70% of his big pension from his big job will keep you and the kids in a good style.
hire a SHL and get every penny you are entitled too.

daft man

You dont fight him directly though. Get a solictor and push it through court. He is not going to back down whatever you do

Talk to the kids, explain why they have to change school and that it will be ok. Take the bastard for every penny you are entitled to.

They have responded back with that they will waive the leaving fees due to financial difficulties

But yes I need to get on to the LA

They are 9 and 5

What age are the kids? Can you be proactive and get them signed up with a local state school now so he can't hold the private fees over your head. Then you need to get your SHL involved and they can point out you were willing to accept 20% but now you'll have 50 and possibly even more.

Go for as much as you can. You and your children need that protection.

He isn't going to be reasonable no matter what you do, so go for the maximum you are entitled to.

Don't even bother with a solicitor. Just go straight to court for a financial hearing. The judge will be fair, your ex won't.

Get a shit hot lawyer and go for every penny you are entitled to. Appeasing him won’t work as you have discovered - he will gate you whether he gives you 1% or 100%
and go for child support too. He must be a reasonable earner if he can afford school fees.

you owe it to your kids.

Totally this. When I got divorced I asked for less than I was entitled to and he still claimed I bled him dry. I wish I bloody had now. Men like this don't play nicely so get yourself a good solicitor and get everything you can. Your ex sounds like mine. He eventually chipped and chipped away at the maintenance until he was paying virtually nothing. The last straw was when I remarried and he suggested he didn't need to pay maintenance for his child any more.

At their ages there is no big deal about changing school to state school - better now than another 10 years of his threats
Change your request to 70:30 and go to court. You can represent yourself

He has shown you that you need to get as much as you can in a settlement now. You can't rely on him to pay school fees or maintenance. He will use it as a stick to beat you anyway.

Walk away with every penny you can.

Block him so he cannot call you. Give him one email address to contact you on and only check it when you feel strong enough to. Let him know that he cannot abuse you.

Why are you having direct contact with him about this? You need a really good solicitor fighting your corner for you. Seriously.

Grey rock him. Get a SHL and go for the absolute maximum. He will grudge every last penny, whether 10% or 60% but that’s not your problem. Please don’t let him bully you into a poorer future for your children. Do it for them. Best of luck.

Register them at state schools so he can't use fees to control you. If they were say 14 or 16 then you might need an extra year or two in fees so they can finish exams but luckily that's not the case here.

Then go for what you are entitled to. Block communication from him and make sure you have the money to raise your kids. Are you going for a Child Arrangement Order for contact? I'd be doing that so that he can't control your time with the kids.

If he's self employed he can manipulate figures to minimise maintenance so be warned of that. Child maintenance is a percentage of earnings so if he decides to quit working and live off savings then he'd owe nothing in maintenance. Also be warned that if he goes for 50% contact of the kids then no maintenance is payable so you need a fair percentage of the house equity/Savings/pension etc to protect yourself and the kids.

I agree with pp that getting straight on with moving DC to a state school is your priority. Take the wind out of his sales and remove this particular weapon from his hands. The DC will be absolutely fine.
Then, as pp have said, find yourself a good divorce lawyer and get what you are entitled to.

Grey rock op, block every way he can access you and go through a family member. Go for everything your entitled to and use that to pay for the kids fees. Keep all the messages he has sent you for the lawyer. You don't need to put up with this shit x

Get a decent lawyer and fight tooth and nail for all you are entitled to-claims through CMS. YOu poor thing and the poor DC.