Dating thread 230: Summer shenanigans!

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Well
todays the heatwave day
BRING IT ON

Eesha
SortingItOut
I hope you both have duvet , wallow days after your horrible and sad weekends

I’m firmly of the view to treat yourself very kindly after a break up . Cry , be sad and have day off and get it all out . Don’t be stuff upper lip
take it very easy xxxx

@Thisisworsethananticpated thank you! No duvet days. I went to a barbeque and cried a lot. Back to reality today. I'm not sure how to get over this one.

I’m 52 and there’s a world of difference between men (well, people really) who take care of themselves a bit and those that don’t once you get to my ripe old age… so I hear you.

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers
you are still young, I’m close to twice your age, I’m sure you will soon be beating off the handsome young men with a stick.

@Eesha
Sorry to hear about Mr B, his ex certainly sounds like a nasty piece of work, nothing more you could really do

@SortingItOut
sorry to read your updates as well, sounds like you are really having a tough time there, stay strong 💪

@SortingItOut sorry to hear that.. endings are so gutting - that period in between it happening and having the distance from it to see that it’s the right thing. Even if we know it’s the right thing it’s so tough.

@Eesha that sounds like a cathartic thing to have done yesterday.. being around friends and releasing feelings. I’m not sure what you could have done differently as it sounds like you handled it all perfectly re going slow - the only alternative would be not giving people a chance and I always think I’m not prepared to have hard and fast rules because every situation is different. People long divorced can have way more drama than someone recently separated - you just don’t know how things are going to turn out.

Eesha

treat yourself as someone who is really sad and deserves care
don’t minimise , post here , journal , practice self care

at our age ( I’m assuming you are 40 something ) these break ups HURT as they bring up all the past pain too
so it’s BRUISING

People long divorced can have way more drama than someone recently separated - you just don’t know how things are going to turn out

amen to that !

I can’t lie I did ask Balkan last night to re confirm he WAS divorced
he is

but it’s true I’m totally over mine
was over him for years before we split

but not everyone is as fancy free as me
and I’m not fancy free anyway because I’m dealing with the aftermath (son)

Oh @SortingItOut 💔💔 that is a terrible shame. Perhaps in time you can be friends… it did sound quite wobbly a lot of the time.. maybe this is happening for a reason, maybe some time just you won’t be a bad thing? So sorry youre hurting love 😢 xxxxxxx

@Eesha big hugs and 💐 you too 💓💓💓 brighter things and times to come… for us all i hope! 🤍🤍 xxxx

I’m Five and Two, 52, I think I’m okay for my age what do you think? bit of arthritis, but just about keeping in shape, not eating, drinking or smoking,
I think I would be attracted to someone 10 years younger, if they were attractive, but a heavy drinker or smoker probably not,

@SortingItOut very sorry to read that things have ended with Mr K. I’m sure you are experiencing a whole range of emotions. These are the tough days with all the ‘what ifs’. 3 years is a significant amount of time to be with someone, have them as part of your daily routine, plans and thoughts. It will take time. Hopefully you will find comfort and support from those around you. We are here too.

@Lovemusic33 if you had met this iron and he’d been great company and you had found him attractive I doubt that the age gap would have been an issue, given that recently you have been posting about hoping for some summer fun. Sadly the truth is you can’t fake attraction or sexual compatibility. Age alone is absolutely not the issue in my opinion.

@Stepcount … totally agree. Chemistry and physical attraction are key to me. I normally have a laugh at guys that want someone that takes care of herself too. They normally have beer belly , drink too much and overstate their height 😂😂😂. If you are fit and healthy and your pics are like last month you don’t need to say anything else !

@SortingItOut and @Eesha … thinking about you too. Hopefully you will feel better today
@Thisisworsethananticpated … glad Balkan is divorced. You have issues regarding kids which are important but that has nothing to do with your relationship with him. It’s good you are both sorted and over divorce and living each in its own home

Notice the thread was getting full so created a new one - www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4592256-dating-thread-321-summer-lovin

Exactly, age doesn’t bother me, some 50+ year olds look great but others (that don’t look after themselves) don’t. He’s reasonably fit and active but I would say his face and skin look a lot older than 51, it was hard to picture sleeping with him, a really nice guy though and I’m sure we will stay in touch, he will be added to my friends pile 🤣.

@Mila14 thanks, I'm not handling this well. Very tearful.

Eesha

it’s ok to be sad and tearful

it’s a sad thing that’s happened , we can’t polish a turd

being sad about it isn’t ‘not handling it well ‘

its letting your hurt out
and better OUT than in sweetheart xx

@Lovemusic33 I know what you.mean. last bf was 62. I'm 50. Didn't matter one jot, although as time went along differences emerged that made us incompatible.
So....hey ho here I am again.
Seeing iron Mr farmer tomorrow. He is keen , have to see if I can envisage the sex...if there's attraction.

My ex husband was 13 years older than me, like you say “at the time it didn’t seem to be a issue” but after a while it was obvious he was getting ready to put his feet up and not do a lot, whilst I wanted adventure 😬. My Peachy seems pretty outgoing and act Ve at the moment but will he be in 5 or 10 years? I think ideally I want someone a similar age to me, no older than 45 unless they look good for their age .

I think it can depend on the person. I know one guy who’s in is early seventies and can still pump impressive weights at the gym. Another who, in his 60s, has just taken up kite-surfing. They’re probably rare, admittedly, but they’re out there so don’t think there’s any biological inevitability per se.

I know a few older guys (60s/70s), who are still pretty active, but there wives are the ones who have slowed down and don’t want to do anything except watch daytime TV

Will this be the first time meeting him? If so then I wouldn’t be happy about his message either, gives me the ick when someone sends naughty texts before even meeting. I have been chatting to a guy on tinder and although I am happy with FWB his naughty messages have put me off hugely, I prefer to meet someone first before exchanging those types of messages.

We’re over here now