Dating thread 230: Summer shenanigans!

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

And you @ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers 😊 hope you get to set a date with Mr C soon, good that you're chill though.
Tough one with the kids @ibelieveinmirrorballs it's an awkward age isn't it. Enough outside space for a bit of badminton/ball game/comp? Or set up a games room inside? Still screens but might get them interacting!

Mila14

come on spill what the explicit message said !!!

I’ve got a fairly low bar as I quite like sexting

I’ve got an in ground trampoline thing but think they’ll be too cool for school to go on it in front of the adults. I think the way forward may be to give them tasks - I shall buy some trays for them to be waiters this weekend 😬 @Thisisworsethananticpated i want to avoid them shuttering themselves away in a room with screens although perhaps this is optimistic! Mr Nice has just sent me photos of some whittling he’s been doing with the kids while camping - can’t see my surly lot being interested in anything so wholesome!

Feeling very horny about you…thinking about you…keeping something very hard for you…
it’s not horrible stuff but this is not my cup of tea. I think I would like this sort of message if we were really an item and exclusive and felt something for each other…but I don’t feel it…sadly
maybe I need a mini break from iron searching…
I will probably see him next week to explain myself and stop this relationship. I want to give him a chance to listen and see what he thinks. But I might not and just tell him on the phone

I’ve just made a boo boo
so I’ve texted the ex overseas obsession to say that I feel bad about sexting and planning as I’m to all intents and purposes seeing someone
mad let’s face it’s I am , it’s 5 months now

However to soften the blow I decided to tell
him how obsessed I was with him and shared a photo I filched off his brothers Facebook page
🙈🤣🤣🙈🙈🤣🙈

he hasn’t replied

im clearly not destined for a life of polyamory

It’s interesting that your feelings about him are varying so wildly. But the fact you are turned off by this message is not a good sign since it was the sexual spark which was a big plus with him. I also would not like this message - it’s not clever or witty enough for my liking - I like my text flirting to be more subtle and adept.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs …so glad you are on a good footing with MrNice. Lovely you are having a nice party. In the end kids over 12 will reach for screens whether you want them or not. I think it’s hard to steer the lot in one direction. Perhaps the younger ones can do crafts or something but over 12…nah😊

ibelieveinmirrorballs

whittling 😂
oh bless his wholesome heart

@ibelieveinmirrorballs ….totally agreeing with you. It’s naff silly pseudo sexting. I also prefer more nuanced or witty. He’s not witty. Clearly.
I think my feelings vary because he’s really handsome, posh and polite and a gentleman outwardly. But I see something more inarticulate, culture averse, even yobbish ( on account of the heavy posh Ibiza partying) about him that does not fit with me

Mila14

sexting is so tricky
some messages make me go 🥵🥵🥵

some don’t (looking at you mentally ill ex who sends me such filth I had to block him)

i think maybe the writing is on the wall with this one
and that’s not the end of the world x

@Thisisworsethananticpated …you are right and it’s not the end of the world. I don’t want to take Mr C to an exhibition, or go to the theatre with him…it’s really a non starter

Checking in. Date zero last night with a guy I'd only exchanged a few messages with via the app and then watsap. We'd agreed on a time and place but then he had childcare issues and the trains were delayed so he kept changing the time. I was suspicious as I've been stood up before so got him to come to my neck of the woods. Had a few drinks. He seemed nice. Lots of flirting, kissing etc. He said he was keen to meet again (today was mentioned) as he didn't want a one nighter and wanted something regular. Asked me to let him know I'd gotten home safely and then exchanged a couple of messages about beginning something fwb style. No reply since 01.05. He's not been on watsap. I think he's been on the app though as his location as changed. Looks dodgy?? married?

@Daydreamscometrue … it’s normal your location changes in app. Means you go places and the location keeps changing.Nothing sinister
Did you agree to a FWB thing? If you did, what difference does it make whether he’s married or not??

Marking my place on this new thread. I've had a busy few weeks on the app. I think that I started out getting too invested in one man so I'm trying to be in contact with a lot of irons in the early stages, as I know that I can come over too intense otherwise. But I think I've gone too far now and have too many! I've got 2 date zeros this week so maybe that'll whittle them down....

Good on you @lesgalettes … try to diversify obsession. It’s too early . Have you met the guy you are a bit more invested on?

@Mila14 Did you agree to a FWB thing? If you did, what difference does it make whether he’s married or not??

Great morals there.....

Knowingly sleeping with a married man is very frowned upon on this thread.
Being ENM or poly is one thing but blatant cheating is morally wrong (IMO)

@SortingItOut … sorry. Trying to understand how FWB works. I didn’t want to offend anyone

Mila I find sexting cringe full stop. But pubescent unwitty sexting from someone you don't have an established thing with? 🤮

Posh puts me off. It often equates to hoorah Henry public school, no idea how to interact with women on an equal level, seeing them either as Mummy or Totty. They can be very handsome and polite but underneath they are scared of women and don't know what to do with them other than shag them.

Yes, I'm very prejudiced and you should never generalise. And I have met kind posh men. So there.

@WeWantTheFinestWines … I think you just hit the nail… I think I’m totty and little else…something is very wrong. And yes he went to very well known public school 🙄

@Mila14 For 99.9% of people a Friends With Benefits arrangement is with someone who is single. They would not entertain the idea of a married man or a man in a relationship.

A small minority might think its ok to sleep with a man who is not available. Personally I'd question the morals of someone like this, there is never an excuse to cheat.

Poly and ENM are very different.

@SortingItOut .., thank you for explaining. I’m rather uninformed and have to google a lot of stuff to be honest. Appreciate your explanation

Mila14

i was the same before this thread !

we can safely say I’ve taken to the new modern age of dating like a duck to water 💦

Now I bandy terms like FWB , poly , breadcrumbing - and my friends are like WTF

many of my married friends have never received a dick pic 😂
we didn’t have them in the days of yore

So I was all excited by three dates lined up and now down to one…
Friday night one didn’t happen as I cancelled. He started getting quite irrational. Why wasn’t I answering texts promptly? Then back to how amazing I was. But he hadn’t even met me?! Told him I was uncomfortable, cancelled and blocked.
Then tonight’s date has just vanished. Had a nice chat during week and arranged time and place fir this evening. Text to confirm this morning, heard nothing. Left voice message, again nothing. Very odd. This online dating going to be steep learning curve! Can’t take it too seriously can you.
Have date arranged for tomorrow now… fingers crossed my first date actually happens 😂

You did the right thing with the first one - well handled.

Second one has already shown you he’s a cock, so you’ve saved yourself the cost of a night out checking in person.

Onwards….

Mr Nice update: he’s gone from whittling this morning to very light sexting this afternoon 😱🤯 No cringe factor yet.. easy tiger 😝