Dating thread 230: Summer shenanigans!

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

You sound a bit better @SortingItOut and I’m so glad there’s a fixed time to talk.

I think I’d be feeling the same in terms of his tardiness replying - it’s very hard to feel prioritised and the chat happening on Sunday evening really is the very tail end of “end of the week”!

I’m very interested in the ovulatory pattern of behaviour you’ve noticed, as it is counter-intuitive to what you’d think would happen as ovulation should be when we are encouraging sexual union, rather than finding ways to sabotage it, if the human race were to thrive! Do you think perhaps it could be ovulation causing you to want closer union with MrK than either was possible due to schedules, or emotional availability, and this not being satisfied in turn causing you to get upset?

Heres to a calm weekend for you and a fruitful chat tomorrow. I’d agree you should be very proud of the way you’ve handled it, what craziness is this adult behaviour we see in ourselves?!! 😬

I know..!! 🤪🤪🤪 He’s either mad, or drunk, or suffering heatstroke.

Balkan a while back joked he saved me in phone as ‘my sexy GF’ and my heart fluttered
madness

Oh hang on a minute, that's very sweet...! Come on Balkan... more of that please

Hi all - I haven't read the thread for a while so don't know what's going on. I will have a trawl through now. I usually read on the app but every time I scroll on this thread the app crashes. This happens with NO other threads on MN, so what is all that about?! I don't like the web version as I never know what's old and what's new or how to navigate the timeline.

I have zero irons - Mr Lawyer ghosted me, which I'm fine about. I matched with someone last night and asked them a question related to their profile. Got a brief answer with no further opener, so I just answered 'ok'. I am not carrying the load of a conversation with someone I'm not particularly interested in. I'm so fed up of the apps, but will definitely not meet anyone any other way. Work with coupled up women, friends are all in couples and have no single friends, I'm not going to meet a nice man in his 50s out and about in my buzzing seaside town which is full of stag dos and pink potatoes now.

I'll catch up with everyone's news now, if I can work out how to navigate the timeline. I miss our little gang.

@Thisisworsethananticpated …we are cool but I had to stop Mr Wall last night texting. I feel examined. He asks a lot of questions !!!. He’s been ok today. We’ll see how it goes but it will not happen u til early August. So we will remain on WhatsApp limbo until then. He’s very handsome and sporty but quite self protected ( hence Mr Wall) . He also looks 10 years younger than his actual age which is very unusual for middle aged men 😂😂😂. You and Balkan slowly and quietly going strong. It’s working for you and you have too much drama already with kids issues so just ENJOY time with girlfriends and hot time with Balkan
Anyway. I’m enjoying the attention massively. And the everyday pics. 😊
@ibelieveinmirrorballs …what’s up GIRLFRIEND?? 😂😂😂🥸
@SortingItOut …feel free to unload and grieve or whatever you need. I really hope there’s a way for you but it’s looking difficult with Mr K. Plenty of men out there ( and creeps and angels). Take inspiration from Mr Nice!

@SortingItOut I think you have handled the Mr K situation extremely well. Tempting as it must have been to just poodle along and avoid difficult situations, you have spoken about your feelings and stuck with your boundaries. If I had been seeing someone for 3 years and their first thought when they found themselves going to the same event as me, was not me!, I would question their commitment also and wonder why I felt he would not want me to walk up to him and say hello. He is so reluctant to engage in conversations and putting up barriers and leaving you hanging that it feels like he won't be able to give you what you need in the long term. Keep writing down your questions and bring it all to him - if he can handle it and gives you the right answers we have underestimated him. If he can't handle it and you don't come away feeling better, at least you will know for sure. The pain and inability to eat and feeling lost and sad is so hard. You know all the cliches, of course, and you also know they're true - time heals, you're better off single than in the wrong relationship, etc... Fingers crossed that tomorrow's conversation either closes the door completely so you know - or maybe it will lead you down a new and exciting path where you communicate and compromise and find a way to be happy together. Either way, you'll be fine.

@Thisisworsethananticpated I love your Balkan story - you just can't stay away from each other and it seems to be going really well for you. You've got the feels and everything!

@ibelieveinmirrorballs Mr Nice sounds so incredibly nice. Lovely, in fact. And he's keeping you calm and happy 😍

@Mila14 beware of investing when you haven't met yet. It is so easily done but I know we are many who have had such high hopes based on messages and phone calls where everything was just perfect and exciting - and then zero chemistry in person. It's so disappointing!!!

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow yet again you are very successful with the dating - Ms H back on the scene, beware of that one because she wasn't very nice to you, but I suppose she has earned the right to a second chance as she apologised. And Ms can't remember who stood you up - another date. You make it sound like nobody is ever interested in you, yet you have barely had a spell without an iron (ironess?) while you've been on the thread, if I remember correctly?

@WeWantTheFinestWines

So here is the thing, I read this thread from time to time and I see ppl getting matches and chats and messages ( and complaining about not messages or matches which makes me smile internally as was my default ) and I compare that to my own experience on OLD, which was pretty crap, iI was about as popular as Nuclear Fallout ( not getting messages or matches is pretty standard for most men in our 50’s).

BUT I seem to have quite good soft skills / people skills SO if I can actually get to meet and speak to actual real living woman I seem to do okay .

i met Ms No Show at a BBQ (who is now Ms Show up).

I have said it before on this thread (and forum), that for most average men OLD is just a waste of time (references to red faced potatoes), and most women generally don’t rate most men and think we are just bunch of Gumby’s (reference),

WeWantTheFinestWines

sorry to hear lawyer ghosted
bit as I recall you weren’t that hot on him
what apps are you on ?
sending 🙏🙏🙏 for some nice new ones for the summer

@howlong I'll bet you write something in your profile though. And not "does anyone ever chat on here?" or "can't see likes" or "if you're not going to chat, jog on" or "if your a lier or a Cheeta swipe left". Etc... And I'll bet you have decent photos, not taken in a public toilet or lying naked in bed or looking down past 3 chins into the camera looking like a serial killer. Etc... And I'll bet you respond when you match with someone, and not just with yes or no, or just the word "boredom" as I did when I asked someone what had brought them back to the UK from their travels. Etc...

If there were more men like you out there, we wouldn't be moaning about the bitter, entitled, lazy (in terms of profile creation) potatoes that are obese and unkempt but still demand someone slim who "cares about they're appearance".

No I wasn't really that bothered. I'm on Tinder and Bumble and it's grim. Might pause those and create a Hinge profile. Didn't particularly like it last time I was on it though. Thanks for your well wishes 😊

@WeWantTheFinestWines
ouch !
obese and unkempt. So you have met me then 😂

seriously, no one wants to see me naked lying in bed. (Well, one person used to like seeing my bum 😊)

Date tomorrow with My Peachy but he keeps changing the time, we are now meeting mid day, it’s going to be very warm and I am struggling with the heat 😬, I kind of hope he pulls out last minute because I don’t fancy driving or walking in such warm temps.

Lovemusic33

oof
that’s the worst time to meet !!

@Lovemusic33
its going to be scorchio tomorrow can you delay until 6 or 7?

@ibelieveinmirrorballs Mr Nice seems really lovely, and you know he has a bit of spice as you met him on Feeld too.

@WeWantTheFinestWines welcome back!!!

Off to meet Mr Blue later though shedloads of drama on his side which means today's chat might be the end. I wrote on the thread before that his wife had an affair with a married man (which broke up Mr Blue's marriage as she wanted to be with the other man). Mr Blue then moved on with me and his life ie buying a place etc. However his wife's affair partner now wants to stay with his wife and now Mr Blue's wife is alone and has changed her tune and wants Mr Blue back. He's always said no but unfortunately she's said now that if he doesn't go back etc or if its definitelyover, she's moving away with the children. I know he won't go back (whether I'm on the scene or not) but it's such a lot if stress on him plus he would maybe need to move quite far away to be near his children. He's understandably distraught as there has been a history of emotional abuse plus his family, friends and therapist will be fuming. I think he should just keep the peace but I guess at what cost to himself. He's someone who has never really put himself first, then therapy gave him the confidence to start again, but now he's in the midst of it all.

I think she's just panicking and won't move away as yet but I guess for me, we are just at the early happy stages (not DTD but it was on the cards) whereas there is a woman desperately trying to get her husband back who has years on me. It just feels very messy.

Eesha

oh she’s a nasty piece of work isn’t she 🫤

I’ve got a not dissimilar issue with Balkan in that his ex has been withholding acess to his kids , only fairly recently
it’s all very toxic and makes him miserable
I was wary to start with , still am
but I know him know

what I’ve learnt is
dont talk about it !
as how he handles it , well it’s now how I would let’s just say . He’s trying to address but , not in an English way like I would

and with Mr Blue - he needs to see a family lawyer or mediator asap

how on earth does this benefit kids ?
to move away from schools
to live away from friends
to not see their dad !

but if she has been abusive he is going to struggle maybe to get strong on her

i totally understand your concerns
but if you do like him , you might need to think about managing boundaries for your own mental sanity

Oh @Eesha what a lot for the two of you to have to contend with.

I think what will be key here is his ability to stand firm and take decisive action. For example, she CAN’T just “move away with the kids” but it will take his assertively engaging legal support and swooping into action to make that very clear. In his position I would feel quite confident that her actions would clearly be retributive and not child-focused - and therefore unable to succeed. I say this as a battle-hardened survivor of the family courts with an ex who tried every trick in the book to get residency of the children.

What is important here is what is right for YOU - it is messy and it’s going to be hard for him, and you need very much not to need to get embroiled with it. It would drive you insane due to the lack of personal agency to influence the outcome.

On a side note, she sounds horrendous. I’m hopeful for your sake this will make it easier for him to realise swift firm action is required.

@Thisisworsethananticpated I always find it shocking when I hear of women who think it’s totally fine to move a long way away and as though the dad needs to just suck it up. I knew if one woman who moved her kids from London to Bristol without warning the dad and was shocked when he took action. Another friend of a friend planned to do the same from Surrey to Scotland but was refused permission by the courts. She’s even gone ahead and bought a house in preparation thinking the courts would therefore let them go - and then had to resell it. Another acquaintance said to me upon separating that there was no WAY she’d contemplate her ex having the kids on Christmas Day, as though it was her god given right to have priority.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I just think she's panicking as all the wheels are now in motion with him moving on. She was perfectly supportive of him moving on plus meeting me before when she had her partner. I think it would be cruel to upheave the children like this hence I think it's just something said in the heat of the moment. For my part, I would say I'm OK to see how it goes if they are definitely over but if he's in two minds, then no. I think he's definitely done with her as a partner but this threat of losing the children has frightened him I'm sure.

@Thisisworsethananticpated this is the issue, she's not withholding access, it's just either they need to get back together or she moves away and he moves nearer her to see the children.