Dating thread 230: Summer shenanigans!

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers … you are definitely YOUNG and you will not be alone but it has to work for and be right and you are at age where irons don’t have kids normally or ex wives and are starting to settle . So you are at good point to pick no baggage 😉
I’m not bothered about Mr Wall as I have not met him and always knew he was tricky . We’ll see but I have started slowly looking around for other irons 😂😂😂

I genuinely hope things work out for them as they have a beautiful family and life. I guess I'm just sad that it feels like I'm expendable

call me a cynic , but it won’t probably
she cheated on him , then he met someone nice
then she shits all over it

and he knows that , and his family and friends do too
xmas will be tense.

I could be wrong
but it’s very messy and your well out of it x

@Eesha … please … you also have a beautiful life and family. The grass is not always greener. I think they will have a very difficult time ahead and she will probably stray again. I don’t think you should meet this guy again and I yes don’t like the word spendable but he was perhaps finding a really good shoulder to cry on. What happened to his flat? Did he even buy it? He didn’t DTD with you so you need to see this was a nice friendship at a time he needed it. Don’t fall for “ next year”

Mila14
hey I am still here , packing this weekend then drop them later this week

and yes you might not fancy mr wall when you meet (I really hope you do !) he’s entertained you and made you smile
all holiday

and that’s nice 😘

Mila14
sorry ! Saw he’s done a wierd one

are there no sexy men where you are holidaying to flirt with ?

@Mila14 flat bought but I guess they will rent it out now. The family and friends will be wary as they know what's happened before. His parents wanted to meet me before all this happened. It will be a strange dynamic going forward I'm sure.

@Thisisworsethananticpated … I’m away with teenagers!!! I think it’s their time to look out for “nice people”. I’m having a laugh and entertained with them to be honest. In August I will go back to dating. Now it’s not the time. My kids are my priority 😊

His parents wanted to meet you? After a few dates and without having DTD?? Seriously? Have you seen his new flat? Call me cynic. I don’t believe a word . When my ex moved out of the family home I saw the flats he liked and eventually he wanted me to see his new flat before moving in. Of course we had DTD countless times too. Meeting the family takes years of serios relationship. Honestly. He lied or he’s a fool

Is it me? I’m starting to not believe a word Mr Blue said. Be careful @Eesha

No Mila, he told them about me and they said they would love to meet me. I was in touch with his sister too. I've seen all the paperwork of his flat, he's forwarded everything plus even confirmation of the mortgages. I've even seen texts from his friends about us. We haven't DTD but we've had lots of physical fun. I wanted things to go slowly. I'm no fool, it's just a difficult situation.

Ok @Eesha . I just find it all a bit crazy. But I think that marriage is doomed anyway. It’s all too complicated. I’m sure you can find a better iron. There’s always someone better out there. Take super good care of yourself

@Eesha sorry to read your updates. You certainly seem to be processing it well. I’ve got everything crossed that the next guy you meet has a less complicated life, you have had a couple of these now and definitely deserve someone free, ready and uncomplicated. I guess that’s what everyone hopes for.
@SortingItOut good luck for later. Hoping that it’s a productive chat.

@Eesha I think eventually you may get a bit cross with Mr Blue - it all sounds rather weak on his part, especially having told you he has been the victim of abuse in the marriage. You say he said he has to go to counselling otherwise she will move away. This simply isn’t true - it’s true that she’s threatening to do that, but it isn’t true that it is a fact. Parents can’t just up and leave with children, away from the other parent, especially if there’s clear evidence they’re using this as a threat to get what they want somewhere else.

Please don’t wish it works out for them as they have a “beautiful family and life”. What does that even mean? He should not have been dating and brought you into all of this, while he was so susceptible to threats like this from her. He may have in part been crying for himself today, because he’s incapable of being the strong person he needs to be to do the right thing and stand up to her. Their marriage sounds highly unlikely to make it - you are worth so much more.

So many pitfalls in midlife dating, it’s an absolute minefield. So hard to get past all these sorts of obstacles and when you find a half decent sort it’s difficult not to get give it a chance. Taking note for my own situation; another potential minefield.

My date with My Peachy went ok, talked non stop, really relaxed but I don’t think he’s for me, he’s more than ten years older and I just kept picturing what he would look like in ten years 😬.

@Eesha sounds like you are definitely better off out of this situation - I would avoid any further communication with him at all as you don't want to be his back up plan for when it all comes tumbling down again.

No real update from me. Got 2 irons on whatsapp but haven't met either yet as have had the kids. However I'm losing interest in one and a drunken call last night (he'd been at a bbq all day) has done him no favours as it just fell flat. I think he is too busy with his hobbies and me with the kids that it would work anyway. May have to knock this one on the head before even meeting.

You’re being very magnanimous @Eesha but maybe deep down you had a sense this might happen. It’s good you held back and waited to see. @Lovemusic33 well done for getting out on the date! In this heat too! @Slothmomma shame about the drunken call 🤦🏻‍♀️😅😅

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I appreciate I sound a bit defensive but I knew this person. Yes it may be weak but I genuinely believe he feels this is the only option. He mentioned emotional abuse a few times and I took from that that she controlled a lot of situations as she's far more fiery than he is. I guess he was also frightened to lose her initially. When he finally left the situation, he had therapy to get back to who he was. The crux is now she is mentioning the children, he just doesn't want it to be acrimonious and is frightened it will get that way. So he's just backing down so she sees he's trying to make a go of it. I think he's crying because it's very sad all round. We were genuinely happy and he said to me that he was just feeling happy in life again with us. But ultimately I know this is the right choice for his family.

Whether I'm there or not, it's his choices and actually I genuinely hope it works out as I can see how much he adores his children and perhaps his wife will appreciate this more. I feel sad for myself but tomorrow is another day. We aren't going to stay in contact because he's going to need the time to get over this plus I can't deal with that regular chat.

@ButterflyOfShay I guess I have been hurt before so I took this slowly. Anyway, life goes on right!

How old??? 😳

Mr K and I are definitely over, we met for a chat, he's not willing to try again.
Loads of reasons/excuses, lots of contradictions.

I know it's for the best as he couldn't meet my needs but my god it hurts and I'm gutted.

@SortingItOut … so sorry to hear this. We are having a shit day here today. I think you were unsure there was a way forward.totally right you feel gutted. Everything passes. You will recover ok. You just need time

SortingItOut

im sorry
it really hurts
xxxxx

Slothmomma

a drunken call 🙈 what a donut he is
fail !

Lovemusic33

here’s to the next potential FWB
doesn’t sound like you fancied this one ?

He’s 52 and I’m 40 but he hasn’t aged that well, I think he drinks quite a lot (I’m almost t total), we do have a lot in common and he was better than I thought he would be but I wasn’t attracted to him, I think he was attracted to me but who wouldn’t be attracted to someone whose more than ten years younger?

I have a few other irons lined up but with kids breaking up this week my time will be limited 😬.