Boyfriend made me shower before bed.

[SilentG1]

Not sure what to think of this one.
We spent the day out in the city and got in at 10pm or so. I was staying at his and when we got home he told me that I couldn't sleep in his bed unless I showered and washed my hair as he had clean sheets and we had been on the tube/ public transport etc and it was disgusting to go to bed without washing after being out in town all day.
I washed and styled my hair that morning only 12 hours before! I have long boob length hair that takes bloody ages to dry and style and once I've done this I don't usually go through the hassle of washing it again for another few days!
When I told him this he said I would therefore have to sleep in his spare room!
In the end he "let" me stay in his bed as long as I showered even if hair wasn't washed.
Is this controlling or reasonable if its his place, therefore being able to dictate?

Honestly, why are you with him? He sounds a weirdo and an insufferable bore. And sulking because you got into bed without washing your hair? I'd have got straight up, gone home and never bothered with him again. Life is really too short to put up with shit like that.

The hair washing is a bit ott.
The showering part isn’t. We never go to bed unwashed and DH changes his clothes to ‘indoor clothes’ as soon as he gets home and forbids me to sit with ‘outside clothes’ on our bed. This is the norm for his culture and tbh I like how clean he is. But everyone is different and I can imagine someone who makes you feel dirty isn’t long term relationship material.

@Badbadbunny

how on earth did you cope when he was a toddler?!

I would have left and gone home to my own bed, no way does someone get to relegate me to a spare bed for not washing my hair.

Sounds like he has issues, whether it's major controlling, OCD, germophobia or just likes testing your boundaries to see what you'll tolerate before becoming more demanding. I could not be arsed with that.

Lots of folk on Mn will focus on the cleanliness aspect of your post. I'm more concerned about what this says about his attitude to you. Be careful OP. It could be a sign of worse behaviour to come.

Op said it wasn't today and she hasn't said it was London either. She could be in Inverness for all we know!

I would have left and gone home to my own bed, no way does someone get to relegate me to a spare bed for not washing my hair.

Yep. I have sympathy for those who are germ/dirt phobic, but accommodating their needs is incredibly restrictive, and I simply wouldn't be prepared to live that way.

No. I would hate the feeling of wet hair on my pillow. Plus my hair would be straggly and flat the next morning. Hard no to washing my barnet before bed.

Not sure why you'd not want to be clean to get into someone else's clean bed. A bit of respect goes a long way.

Ok she did say tube but other cities have an underground. Glasgow for example and it's not been hot there recently I can assure you.

I dont see the issue the hair washing a bit too far but I wouldnt want to get in a clean bed without showering?

I am from the country if I ever go into london I really notice a smell on me - but I get the hair thing mines v long and thick and a total pain.

My hair knots if I do that 😩

🙄That's ridiculous.

I don't live there, though. I live in London where it's bloody boiling above 19 Celsius.

@NeverDropYourMooncup she said it WASNT today

I'm sure a lot of people would think I'm really skanky. I mainly shower in the mornings as I usually go for a run in the mornings before work. Then I commute into London using the train/tube. Its not a pristine environment but I don't usually have a shower in the evening as well. Sometimes if I don't run I get into bed at night and realise I haven't had a shower all day. If I'm not running I don't really get sweaty or smelly.
I tested positive for covid this weekend but aside from that I haven't had a day off sick or even a bad cold for about 5 years .
I've lived in the "grime" and "filth " of London suburbs my whole life with no ill effects.

@Why2why may seem strange? Errr

I would have showered and washed my hair…..I quite often do have two showers a day. I hate being dirty and public transport is always filthy

It's controlling. I can sort of understand the shower thing. My hubby showers every morning and is clean, but he has an outdoor job and in summer he can smell so a few times I've jokingly told him he needs a shower before he gets in the bed and he has had one. But the hair washing thing is crazy.

The OP's boyfriend would have no doubt given you a gold star at your end of week review.

@pixie5121 OP in her updates said she was ok to shower (and did so) but didn't want to rewash her long thick hair. And he was sulky and moody - not a good sign at all for the future relationship.

I shower 4-5 times a day, once for each time I leave the house, usually to walk the dogs.

All my showers are very quick - just in and out to rinse dirt and pollen off - and probably add up to about 10 minutes total shower time. I use bar soap sparingly for maybe one shower a day. I’ve never had any problems with my skin.

I have a set of outdoor clothes and shoes that I keep in the utility room and swap with my indoor clothes for each walk. I only wash these clothes every week or so. (I have idly wondered if the other dog walkers I pass think I wear the same outfit all day for a week.)

I don’t wash my hair that often, but I do run a clean damp cloth over it after my shower.

All of these things were recommended by our family allergy doctor and make a huge difference with seasonal allergies, which tells me we do carry significant microscopic debris in from the outside.

We are much less careful in the winter but still wouldn’t wear outdoor shoes into the house.

But I’m also not British 😀

But in any case, OP, my husband and I are both happy with this arrangement, which has evolved based on discussions over time rather than on ultimata or sulking sessions.

I think neither of you is wrong in your preferences, but you don’t sound compatible.

@Wykid

you got too much time on your hands if you wash your hair twice in one day

Not with curly hair - looks like Monica in Barbados if slept in damp/wet.