Boyfriend made me shower before bed.

[SilentG1]

Not sure what to think of this one.
We spent the day out in the city and got in at 10pm or so. I was staying at his and when we got home he told me that I couldn't sleep in his bed unless I showered and washed my hair as he had clean sheets and we had been on the tube/ public transport etc and it was disgusting to go to bed without washing after being out in town all day.
I washed and styled my hair that morning only 12 hours before! I have long boob length hair that takes bloody ages to dry and style and once I've done this I don't usually go through the hassle of washing it again for another few days!
When I told him this he said I would therefore have to sleep in his spare room!
In the end he "let" me stay in his bed as long as I showered even if hair wasn't washed.
Is this controlling or reasonable if its his place, therefore being able to dictate?

Hmm
I think lots of people have picked up some health anxiety the last few years.

I would like it if someone in that position showered, but I wouldn't insist on it.
I would be secretly sad, as I would feel I had to change the sheets after

Is he a new bf?

Is this the first time you have stayed over?

if the answer is yes to both, then no I don’t think it’s controlling. I would think that he has anxieties around cleanliness, which is something you would have to work out between yourself how certain things would work.

If he isn’t and this isn’t your first time, yes I would find it controlling. Clearly in the past it hasn’t been a concern, so would seem very odd now

I had to break up with a lovely guy once as he’d absolutely stink by the end of the day and even if he only stayed one night he stank my sheets out and I’d have to change them. Him asking you to wash your hair as well is odd though, I can’t imagine hair would get particularly stinky unless you’ve really been sweating.

Agree.

Especially with clean sheets on bed, I'd expect all parties to shower.

Yeah sure but washing hair as well? Like proper long hair? Saying sleep in another room?
No way is that a reasonable request.

I've taken a hint before a shag, the bloke will say "why don't we both freshen up" or words to that effect. Never been told to sleep in another room.
This dude sounds crazy.

I agree with him but sometimes I can’t be arsed.

Are you not worried he will read this, as he is clearly a Mumsnetter?

I could not be doing with that. Who wants to be with someone so uptight that they don't want you to sit on the sofa when you've been outside??
Homes are for relaxing, There's a difference between being actually 'dirty' and someone's perceived sense of germy outdoorness. Think long and hard before you go much further with this relationship - it will only get more and more controlling.

I agree with him. My husband and I always shower before bed, although I don't wash my hair every day. I like being clean when I climb into bed.

I would shower, but not wash hair. I guess I think of hair like clothes - you can brush the day off. Skin seems different, it needs the day washed away with water, and especially so if you are going to get it on lovely clean sheets - that makes it lovely for the skin too.

But be careful, OP. Crazy clean freaks should only be in relationships with each other.

Or the OP has BO.

Is it really that gross in London?

I'd rather wash the sheets the next day - however - I have not and would never do this because the whole thing is ridiculous.

I can’t imagine going to bed without washing the day off me (public transport is dirty). Dh is the same.

I think this as weird AF. As I do all the people who shower before bed.

Oh no! I sort of understood the clean bed, clean body thing (I do this when I’ve changed my bedding too) but then when you mentioned him asking you to get changed so you can sit on his sofa…????

Nah. Sounds like he’s got ishoooz.

Does he shower / get changed before going to bed / sitting on the sofa after being out among the Great Unwashed?

I couldn't live with someone like that.

It would be a deal-breaker for me.

Does he have OCD?

It's obviously controlling behaviour and would be a deal breaker for me because of the controlling behaviour nothing else. Typical Mumsnet where people wash their towels etc after every use to try and say it's for some other reason.

Does noone here wear clothes and pyjamas?

I'm a germaphobe and I can see why he'd want you to shower before getting in his clean bed. My hubby and I shower and wash our hair every night before getting in bed and we wouldn't even sit on the bed in our 'outside' clothes. Especially if we'd been on public transport, we'd probably shower/change before sitting on the sofa. The only time we skip a shower is if we've had a lazy day at home x

Cities are filthy. I would also have showered and washed my hair after a whole day in the city. You seem more concerned about the hassle of styling your hair 'again' than being clean.

Yuck.

We're weird AF because we shower in the evening instead of the morning? 🙄

I'd have wanted a shower after a hot day in London. But I would have just white-lied about washing my hair. Bit of surface damp on it, and a trace of conditioner on the tips of the hair for the scent. I wouldn't be bothered explaining to him what a faff it is to keep hair properly styled.

The shower's fair enough, I enjoy a nice shower before bed, and I do like people to be clean "down there" if we're getting up to stuff in bed.
But the hair washing? Anyone ordering me to wash my hair has bought a one-way ticket to dumpsville unless they're a hairdresser who wants to deal with the drying/styling for me for free while I chill.

He's allowed to set the rules in his own bed. You're allowed to choose to be elsewhere. There's no guidelines about what's 'reasonable' and what's 'unreasonable'. We don't know all the variables. Life is nuanced. You have to make your own rules.

So, was it acceptable to you, or a deal breaker?