Boyfriend made me shower before bed.

[SilentG1]

Not sure what to think of this one.
We spent the day out in the city and got in at 10pm or so. I was staying at his and when we got home he told me that I couldn't sleep in his bed unless I showered and washed my hair as he had clean sheets and we had been on the tube/ public transport etc and it was disgusting to go to bed without washing after being out in town all day.
I washed and styled my hair that morning only 12 hours before! I have long boob length hair that takes bloody ages to dry and style and once I've done this I don't usually go through the hassle of washing it again for another few days!
When I told him this he said I would therefore have to sleep in his spare room!
In the end he "let" me stay in his bed as long as I showered even if hair wasn't washed.
Is this controlling or reasonable if its his place, therefore being able to dictate?

This person would probably not be able to cope with baby - nappies, accidents, vomit etc!

Reverse it - someone asking their boyfriend to shower after a day out would not be seen as unreasonable. I'd hope that my partner would not have to tell me, although I probably wouldn't want to wash my hair at bedtime as it takes too long to dry.

My vagina would literally seal itself shut in the presence of such a prissy, highly strung fool.

Not attractive

get rid OP

Not a man for me, that's for sure.

I like laid back guys who can go with the flow.

Life will be hard with this man. I'd throw him back I'm the pond and find someone who can chill a bit and be flexible. Even if it means washing his sheets again a bit sooner than he thought. No way could I live with someone who told me when yo wash. No. Way.

I don't really get all the "public transport is filthy" views at all. Sure you sit on your (clothed) bum on a seat and maybe hold a rail with your hand (which is obviously going to be washed at some stage. It hardly contaminates your entire body.

I shower in the morning and occasionally take a bath in the evening (for relaxation purposes) but very rarely shower before bed, neither does DH. Neither of us stink, regardless of whether we have been on public transport, in the city etc.

I disagree. I'd still find it controlling (unless he actually smelt).

And there's a big difference between asking and telling.

Low level controlling behaviours are still controlling. And it'll likely get worse.

Red flag. Leave while you still feel able to.

Does he have ocd ?

living with him will be a lifetime of putting up with his rules and not feeling comfortable in your own home. I sort of understand liking people to have a shower before getting into bed but the way he spoke to you wasn't nice and the thing about not sitting on the sofa is batshit crazy.
I'd put this one back in the sea.

@NeverDropYourMooncup

Thats still not “sweltering heat”

Sweltering heat is what you get in South Africa or the Caribbean

Specifying that you had to wash your hair is weird and controlling.

Also, you asking him if it's okay if you don't wash your hair is concerning. Do you often ask him if things about your own behaviour are okay?

Sounds like he’s big on the cleanliness/borderline hypochondriac/germphobe depending on your take. I probably wouldn’t be able to put it up with it but to each their own.

Does no-one sleep with wet hair? Mine dries perfectly well overnight whilst I sleep. Multi-tasking! Except in winter ofc, when it would freeze, which is quite an odd experience.

I don't live in London and live in a town about 20 mins from nearest city. I think it is a bit of a shock to those who don't.

First time I went to London and had to stay for work for a couple of days, I showered in mornings before work but then just fell into bed by time I got back to hotel. When I got home and had a shower I was really surprised. Nose has loads of black in it when I blew it, scrubbed really well with body mit and still had to wash and scrub again as towel was still a bit gruby when I went to dry (and I do know how to wash I promise). Nothing like other City visits - think the tube is probably the main difference

Have to go to London regularly now and it doesn't bother me or my body just absorbs the grime better haha

I would probably shower if I had been out all day but wouldn’t expect to be told to do so.

I dated a guy several years back who was obsessed with cleanliness, had to shower before and after sex and change the sheets, his house was spotless and he would freak out if he found a spider or a fly in his house. He never did oral and sex was very vanilla. I got annoyed with him insisting on showering straight after sex.

I wouldn’t be happy with someone telling me to shower and wash my hair before getting into bed, it’s my choice to make.

@Stravaig

No, most people’s hair would look a right mess if they did that.
do you straighten it in the morning?
i have done that before and it still didn’t look right

He is definitely dodgy.
it’s absolutely fair enough for him to have his way of doing things but to be so pushy with you about them is a red flag. You say he’s like this about other things.
I’d get rid.

It's very clear this is not about 'control' but a man who has a mental health issue.

He can't help it.

It's a version of compulsive obsessive behaviour.

He needs help OP. Maybe you can suggest he gets that OP.

MIND online is a good place to start.

I agree with him. We always shower in the evening and change our clothes as soon as we come in if we've been out all day. Public transport is absolutely filthy and no way would I sit on my sofa in the same clothes I've been sat on a bus/train. Same with our DS - school clothes off the moment he set foot in the house and change into "indoor" clothes.

@LuckySantangelo35 Mine is curly. It mostly does what it wants to, and I tie or braid it into temporary submission when necessary.

I wouldn’t. He’s not OP’s responsibility. Move on or face a lifetime of issues.

I'd probably have a quick shower without washing my hair before getting into bed with someone I might have sex with. But he does sound a little OTT.

I don't have a shower before getting into bed generally, nor do I have a daily shower unless it's hot and I really need to. My skin is much better for it and the water bill is cheaper!

Absolutely impossible with mine. I'd love to have this super easy hair that apparently most MNers have, that can be washed twice a day and doesn't need blow drying into submission. And given how prissy this guy is about his clean sheets, I can't imagine him appreciating wet hair on the pillowcases.

Same. Minus the hair, he seems very normal on cleanliness. Why would anyone have to point out that you ought to shower after a day out in London is the big question.

I would have a shower but I wouldn't be washing my hair. Mine only needs washing twice a week and it takes 45 mins to dry so.. no!