Boyfriend made me shower before bed.

[SilentG1]

Not sure what to think of this one.
We spent the day out in the city and got in at 10pm or so. I was staying at his and when we got home he told me that I couldn't sleep in his bed unless I showered and washed my hair as he had clean sheets and we had been on the tube/ public transport etc and it was disgusting to go to bed without washing after being out in town all day.
I washed and styled my hair that morning only 12 hours before! I have long boob length hair that takes bloody ages to dry and style and once I've done this I don't usually go through the hassle of washing it again for another few days!
When I told him this he said I would therefore have to sleep in his spare room!
In the end he "let" me stay in his bed as long as I showered even if hair wasn't washed.
Is this controlling or reasonable if its his place, therefore being able to dictate?

Wtf? Showering many times a day and cleaning everything constantly is the definition of waste.

A sink wash to freshen up is all that is needed. Much more environmentally friendly.

Going to bed without showering after a day out in London is filthy

But not everybody thinks so. Why do you get to define what 'filthy' means? I could say you are filthy because you haven't had a shower in the last 10 minutes. You, and all your countrymen! Filthy!

See how silly it makes a person sound..?

If I am filthy for showering and washing my hair daily, brushing my teeth twice daily, wearing deodorant and clean underwear and top daily, I’m fine with that.

And I think it’s non sensical to shower before bed because you sweat for 8 hours then have to go to work like that. Much more logical to my mind to shower in the morning so all the freshness is when you are around people. Maybe this is why the evening washers think you are disgusting by 7pm - it’s because they haven’t washed for 24 hours!

I also hate doing my hair after a shower and prolong it, hippie-ish, some people are just clean (someone who dares to buy a white t-shirt) not controlling but he just likes things sqeaky clean, other type of people are okay with some dust, it could work out in the long end with compromises

The spare room was not where you should have gone - a taxi home was what you should have got into!

His behaviour was controlling, and the sofa thing - nah, he's not a keeper.

Soap dodgers still deluding themselves that changing into pyjamas and getting into bed with dried sweat on their skin isn't unhygienic.

I've just had a second shower because I arrived home literally sweating. I guess some of you would have just sat straight down on the sofa and opened a cold beer, let the sweat dry and then gone to bed without a shower.

Puke.

@pixie5121 How am I a soap dodger if I shower (with soap) every day? Ridiculous!

Don’t you know that they don’t smell? And since it won’t kill them, they argue that it must be hygienic.

A poster above asked for my definition of filthy and that's mine. You may have lower standards of hygiene and therefore a different definition of filthy.

Glad you mentioned countrymen. I'm British too, and I repeat again that most British are filthy, not all.

@pixie5121 you sound very anal, are you the op boyfriend ???

No, I'm just amused that so many people are using words like anal and OCD to describe hygiene habits that would be considered completely normal in most of the world.

"Loads of people are from cultures where the idea of outside shoes tramping over your carpets etc. is disgusting and you take your shoes off as soon as you get in as a matter of course."

And some people are from cultures where you don't. They may have odd socks or socks with holes in them and feel uncomfortable without them. In the case of your gas man, it may be that he has to wear heavy shoes and his feet get sweaty so he was embarrassed about that.

All these people having several showers a day - the planet is paying for that, sadly.

Yes, and if it is a power shower you might as well have a bath, the amount of water they use

Then he should be prepared with overshoes.

It's not unreasonable to ask someone to take their shoes off in your home.

The planet is paying for lots of things. Very little of what you choose to do is necessary.

I feel like I can smell this thread.

🤢

Wtf is 'overshoes'? Genuine question.

It is unreasonable to expect people to take their shoes off. Taking your shoes off is filthy dirty and unhygienic. I don't want to breathe your foot odor thank you very much, and I certainly don't want your sweaty foot oils rubbing on my carpet. KEEP YOUR SHOES ON. Taking your shoes off is disgusting and filthy.

Where do you live that Google doesn't exist?

It isn't unreasonable to ask people to take their shoes off if that's what you do. There are cultures where people are literally horrified if you as much step on any of their indoor floors with outdoor shoes on, such as Japan.

I'm happy to keep my shoes on in YOUR house, if you don't mind dog shit and every other thing I've been walking in for weeks ending up ground into your carpets. Bit weird that foot oils are so offputting to you and dog shit isn't, but each to their own. But if you come to MY house, you'll take your shoes off, or be asked to leave.

If you're not prepared to respect other people's customs and culture, then stay in your own house.

"If you're not prepared to respect other people's customs and culture, then stay in your own house."

Fair enough for a party, but I think you should warn people in advance if they may not be used to it. However, the gas man doesn't have a choice about coming to your house. It's not quite as simply as your house, your rules. What if your house rule was top off as well?

@Albo Overshoes are plastic shoe covers that workmen put over their shoes to come into your house. I have never known a workman not do this.

I have friends who like shoes off and those who don't mind. Most of our friends would take their shoes off and so would we. It depends on the occasion though - if we'd all been out for a walk in trainers/wellies we'd definitely remove. If we were going for a drinks party we wouldn't. Our best and closest friends, we take our house shoes.

Would have been interesting /helpful if OP had clarified if any cultural elements to their differing views on hygiene.
Obviously what’s normal to her isn’t to him. End of. Trying to convince people why one argument is more valid than the other is a bit pointless.
A germ/dirt/contamination phobia will become evident to the OP regardless of culture/country/familial practises however, if that is what it is.

Because 'shoes off' is a fairly common request. There are plenty of cultures where it's just not done to wear shoes inside a house. I have only ever had ONE tradesman complain about it. Most offer to take their shoes off when they see mine are on a shoe rack beside the door. I imagine many of them do it themselves in their own homes. Not everyone is disgusting and uncultured and happy to traipse dog shit and everything they've walked in through their house.

If you don’t know what overshoes are, that says a lot.

Next time a workman comes round ask him to wear one and he will show you.

However, based on this thread, I understand why you think people visiting your house might have stinking feet or socks. Washing oneself seems to be something rather offensive to many in this great nation.

@Alb0
It is unreasonable to expect people to take their shoes off. Taking your shoes off is filthy dirty and unhygienic. I don't want to breathe your foot odor thank you very much, and I certainly don't want your sweaty foot oils rubbing on my carpet. KEEP YOUR SHOES ON. Taking your shoes off is disgusting and filthy.

But you're ok with those disgusting sweaty feet getting into your fresh clean bed beside you? 🤔