Boyfriend made me shower before bed.

[SilentG1]

Not sure what to think of this one.
We spent the day out in the city and got in at 10pm or so. I was staying at his and when we got home he told me that I couldn't sleep in his bed unless I showered and washed my hair as he had clean sheets and we had been on the tube/ public transport etc and it was disgusting to go to bed without washing after being out in town all day.
I washed and styled my hair that morning only 12 hours before! I have long boob length hair that takes bloody ages to dry and style and once I've done this I don't usually go through the hassle of washing it again for another few days!
When I told him this he said I would therefore have to sleep in his spare room!
In the end he "let" me stay in his bed as long as I showered even if hair wasn't washed.
Is this controlling or reasonable if its his place, therefore being able to dictate?

This is the vibe I got 😷

Yep. Not for me at all.

I don't have curly hair but that is what would happen to mine if I went to bed with wet hair. 😂

I understand the rationale, in a way. So after a day of travelling (and any plane action) I'll always shower and 'wash the journey off) but him demanding a full on hair wash as well when you'd only done it that morning was a bit much.

Also, how rarely does he change his sheets?

@RachelGreeneGreep and a very appropriate username you have for a Monica picture too

I can see why you find it unsettling but I also think he's right.

It just seems really sad to me. In the early days of our relationship now DH and me wouldn’t have cared if the other had been rolling in mud, we just wanted to get into bed together! So cold and clinical - I hope you’ll take the advice on this thread and throw this one back or you’re storing up trouble for yourself, he’s not going to change.

Imagine going to bed with a sticky body after a warm day in London and with all the soot from tube stations. Hair collects all the filthy soot. Yuck!

Can't believe the number of people here who say it's controlling behaviour. It's called proper hygiene and cleanliness.

I'd assume that staying over at partner's involves some form of intimacy. Maybe OP's partner didn't feel like being intimate with a sticky sweaty body.

Good lord. That would be an ltb for me tbh. I find that kind of OTT fastidiousness and germ paranoia (so common on MN) incredibly tiresome, and would find it deeply unattractive in a partner. Obviously it's understandable if the person actually has diagnosed OCD or something, but I still wouldn't embark on a relationship with someone who needed to impose that level of control.

My hair also takes hours to dry. If I washed fit be off need it would be a mama it's takes and I would never want to do that after a long day out. Or at all tbh.

Seems a bit prissy/anxiety driven to me tbh.

I loved in London for ages. It's not quite the cess pit people seem to be supposing

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-51712200

www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/one-hour-as-toxic-as-entire-day-by-busy-road_uk_5c37138fe4b05cb31c3f8a8d

I'm a clean person and I shower every morning. However, he sounds over the top and I would question if you want a long term relationship with this kind of thing. How clean is his house, does he tidy everything as soon as you touch it?

So do all the people saying they do the same have 2 showers a day? One before work and one after? If so that's really bad for your skin, your finances and the environment.

Or do you only shower in the evening not before work, in which case I think that's odd. I'd rather be fresh for work than bed.

No, I shower early evening. I don't shower in the morning.

Don't see any point in showering in the morning and then getting all grubby on the morning commute to work.

Aren't we all different? I wake up in the morning all sticky and rumpled, and definitely feel the need for a shower. But in the evening my skin is didn't have that sticky feel at all, and I'm absolutely comfortable tucking myself in bed unshowered.

Is didn't= doesn't

The issue isn't when people shower or how often, but the fact that he is a controlling arse who is moody, bad termpered and probably sulks when someone doesn't do what he wants.

He's an arse who will bring her nothing but misery.

She's wasting her time and she knows it.

Move on OP.

The issue is some people's understanding of hygiene is truly shocking, they seem content to be dirty and not wash up before bed, especially after using public transport.

give it a rest.

Ugh that level of fussiness is such a turn-off.

I'd imagine the sex is all very antiseptic. No chance of a quickie knee trembler or a roll in the hay.

would be the absolute dreariest shag

That’s not fair, I imagine a shag with a head-to-toe application of Zoflora first would be very memorable.

I spent my early years in Australia (I'm half Australian/French) and on a day which was as warm as yesterday was in London, the minute I came home I'd be straight in the shower, especially if I'd been using public transport.

As an adult living in the UK, I do find most Brits live up to the old Aussie joke: Where does a pom hide his cash? Under the soap.

@SilentG1 He has OCD. He's not being controlling. He can't help it. I am the same. My DH understands it's not a free choice but a compulsion and adapts his behaviour to help my anxiety. You will have to do the same if the relationship is going to work. He could seek help with his OCD of course, but it's not an easy thing to fix. Covid has made things much worse for many people with OCD and I myself have had massive set backs. I rely on the people around me being understanding.

I guess I can tell I am 60 by my first thoughts being- blimey , there must be some whopping water bills amongst mumsnetters