Boyfriend made me shower before bed.

[SilentG1]

Not sure what to think of this one.
We spent the day out in the city and got in at 10pm or so. I was staying at his and when we got home he told me that I couldn't sleep in his bed unless I showered and washed my hair as he had clean sheets and we had been on the tube/ public transport etc and it was disgusting to go to bed without washing after being out in town all day.
I washed and styled my hair that morning only 12 hours before! I have long boob length hair that takes bloody ages to dry and style and once I've done this I don't usually go through the hassle of washing it again for another few days!
When I told him this he said I would therefore have to sleep in his spare room!
In the end he "let" me stay in his bed as long as I showered even if hair wasn't washed.
Is this controlling or reasonable if its his place, therefore being able to dictate?

What do you think, OP?

Do you sleep in your own bed each night without a shower and hair wash?

Controlling but also I see his point

He was telling you that you smelled.

His bed, his rules - you can make it a dealbreaker though. I think the compromise was a fair one.

That’s pretty weird OP! He’s either got some sort of health anxiety or he’s a controlling git I’d say.

How bad does he think you smell? Did you smell bad?

Weird and controlling. Showering just about reasonable but I also wouldn’t be washing my hair on command!

Everyone has different standards. I am generally very clean, but don't go to the length of showering twice a day after going on the tube. That's his business, if you don't like it, I'd call it quits - and that'd be fair enough of you.

Did he shower?

It's controlling him telling you to do it. But he shouldn't have to tell you. Shouldn't you do it anyway? Showering after being out all day is a logical thing to do.

He sounds a bit "it rubs the lotion on its skin" to me. You wouldn't see me for dust.

I wonder if there was an unpleasant smell about you that you weren't aware of. Presumably he doesn't normally dictate your washing routine like this.

I actually agree with him and I would never go to bed after being on public transport/in busy public places without washing first. Those places are filthy. My children have a bath every day after school and aren’t allowed on their beds in their school clothes for the same reason.

As far as I'm aware, nothing to do with my personal hygiene! He would definitely just tell me if it was.
He is quite highly strung and has done similar things before like asked me to change my clothes before sitting on his sofa after being out and about.

It doesn’t sound very sustainable relationship. I certainly wouldn’t ever be washing my hair every day. So would make that very clear from the start.

So did he shower and wash his hair before he went to bed as well?

It was a hot day in London today. If I've been up to town on the tube, etc, I like to wash the day off before bed, including hair. DH goes up to London every day. He showers and changes when he gets home then comes down for dinner. Always has. If it's a balmy night, like tonight, he'll shower in the morning too.

I don't think he's been unreasonable per se but you might not be wholly compatible.

Very controlling. I'd probably have gone home.

I see his point too. Washing your hair maybe not, but definitely a shower.

I think a shower but not a hair wash was a good compromise. I actually do the same as him after a day out.

To be honest if we had been out all day and had clean sheets, I would want to shower and also would want my partner to shower too. However can't imagine why he would want your hair washing as surely dirty! Unless sweaty! It does seem controlling, especially if you were tired and it was late.

I go to London for work. I shower every morning and wash my hair.

I DO NOT shower before bed as well. I do not smell (I would if it was a ridiculously hot day and I'd got very sweaty but that's literally a handful of days a year).

I am willing to be told that's unhygienic but I wouldn't accept being told I have to shower EVERY night!

You know you smelt a bit grotty don't you. He was using the tube as an excuse. It's a kinda nice way of telling you

I am very smell sensitive too and it's a massive turn off if my partner smells not so fresh

I wouldn't shag someone who was so worried about dirty sheets. Christ is he going to put a towel down first?

I wouldn't have minded about showering (he also did) but I was shattered and didn't fancy going through a whole hair washing routine. Thought it was a bit much him demanding I sleep in another bed unless I did but maybe I'm just disgusting 😂