Boyfriend made me shower before bed.

[SilentG1]

Not sure what to think of this one.
We spent the day out in the city and got in at 10pm or so. I was staying at his and when we got home he told me that I couldn't sleep in his bed unless I showered and washed my hair as he had clean sheets and we had been on the tube/ public transport etc and it was disgusting to go to bed without washing after being out in town all day.
I washed and styled my hair that morning only 12 hours before! I have long boob length hair that takes bloody ages to dry and style and once I've done this I don't usually go through the hassle of washing it again for another few days!
When I told him this he said I would therefore have to sleep in his spare room!
In the end he "let" me stay in his bed as long as I showered even if hair wasn't washed.
Is this controlling or reasonable if its his place, therefore being able to dictate?

It wasn't that long ago people were washing their tins of baked beans after bringing them into the house

No, but then we all realised we were loons, and stopped.

I'm just here for the replies 😂

He sounds nuts!

@JamesBlond that is actually a very comforting thought to anyone stressed about coming into contact with germs, and a good way of looking at it! I'll remind myself of that!
Oh yes absolutely, it has impacted many friendships and relationships over the years. My husband is very understanding but I can see his frustration at times and I don't blame him at all!

He sounds like he belongs on mumsnet! He’d fit right in with everyone else who seems to shower once an hour in case they smell. Does he also do a lot of washing?

He sounds neurotic or a bit obsessive, with the not sitting on the furniture thing too.

OP, please, just run for the hills! Honestly, this is not normal behaviour. If this had happened to me it wouldn't have been an issue at all as I would have happily slept in the spare room and he would never have seen me again after that. Why oh why do people put up with this sort of nonsense?

Same. It's embarrassing that op needs to be told she should shower after a very hot day out and on public transport.

I'd generally shower and hair-wash after being in London and on the tube. There's just so much dirt in the air there...even gets up nose and in eyes. But if exhausted and had long hair to style, couldn't you have showered and skipped hair washing - but just twisted your hair into a pony tail or bun for sleeping? Then wash it tomorrow?

Some kind of ocd.

Stressful to deal with.

I have a shower every three days, sometimes four because we are short of water and I don't think that's disgusting, it's pretty bad for the skin showering every day.

This sounds as though he has an OCD issue or something along those lines. Christ I wouldn't put up with this from anyone.

Imagine, 100 years ago it was once a week and you shared the bath water!!

Really? Why? You always wash your hair after public transport ?

I think it's gross to leave the house in the morning without washing. I'd rather be fresh for work than for bed. Getting in a strop and threatening you with being banished to the spare room is a dealbreaker IMHO.

If you choose to stay I'd recommend a bonnet for nighttime. That way your hair doesn't touch his sheets

Not even people in New York City behave like OP's boyfriend, and NYC makes London look like a pristine rural town hundreds of miles from anywhere in each direction.

@Mally100

Same. It's embarrassing that op needs to be told she should shower after a very hot day out and on public transport

There's surely enough people on the thread saying he was being ridiculous to make you realise that your view isn't vastly in the majority? But you think it's embarrassing that OP didn't realise she ought to do something that a high proportion of people also wouldn't realise they 'should' do?

I think it's important to realise that people have different standards, and that's ok. If he wants anybody who shares his bed to be showered, he's entitled to insist on it. If they don't like it, they are entitled to leave.

He sounds insane. No way I could be doing with that level of control freakery.

@Mally100 What’s the risk if you go to bed with “city skin”? If it’s already on your body, and has been for hours, then it’s too late surely and you’re doomed anyway? I’d rather have a relaxing evening rather than rush around scrubbing myself with bleach for a twat of a man who thinks he needs to tell me what to do.

could he have a form of OCD whereby you sleeping in his bed without a full wash was a stressful outcome for him that he was trying to control? And if that’s a possibility do you think you’d be able to have a chat about it. Because it would all hinge on that for me. His ability to be open and admit what is driving this. It’s one thing to suggest a shower after a bit busy day in the city, but to take exception at the not hair washing and punish you for that is not something I’d be prepared to put up with, without a rational explanation.

Oh dear, I do hope some of you clean freaks are never caught up in a natural disaster - you won't cope at all

Nothing wrong with that imo.

I don’t know how people can go outside and sit on public transport (tubes, buses, cabs, wherever) and then go and sit down on a sofa or sit on their bedsheets. The amount of filth on your clothes is really unbelievable yet you’re happy to put those same clothes on your furniture? Bizzare.

I don’t see anything wrong with him asking you to shower. Not sure what difference washing your hair would have made but it’s his bed. If you don’t agree you could have just slept in the spare room or maybe reconsider the relationship

🤣🤣 You called it!

OP, I wonder if he realised just how long it would take you to wash your hair? If he has short hair then he may have assumed you just wash it in whatever soap is to hand, vaguely wave a dryer at it and, ta-dah! It's glossy and lovely, as usual.....

I dated a guy who hated 'outside' clothes on his bed or sofa. I actually think now that he had a point, and I don't wear outside clothes indoors either. If you think about it, it's really quite gross.

I personally shower before bed every day, as I do think it's quite manky to go to bed with all the city grease and grime on your skin. I used to think nothing of it. I didn't even wash my face before bed in my twenties. I'd just change right into pyjamas and shower in the morning when I got up. Now that fills me with horror.

Washing your hair, probably OTT. He sounds like he might have OCD.

What part of London were you in that it wasn't bloody boiling this afternoon?

Yes

Oh OP, the more I read your updates the more I’m thinking he’s not the right guy for you!

Sleep in the spare bed if you don’t shower/wash your hair and getting pissed off because you didn’t wash your hair and got into his bed?

Seriously, WTAF?

I never knew that “City Grime” was an actual thing people got genuinely icked out about though but he’s taking it to a whole other level.

Listen to your instincts.