Boyfriend made me shower before bed.

[SilentG1]

Not sure what to think of this one.
We spent the day out in the city and got in at 10pm or so. I was staying at his and when we got home he told me that I couldn't sleep in his bed unless I showered and washed my hair as he had clean sheets and we had been on the tube/ public transport etc and it was disgusting to go to bed without washing after being out in town all day.
I washed and styled my hair that morning only 12 hours before! I have long boob length hair that takes bloody ages to dry and style and once I've done this I don't usually go through the hassle of washing it again for another few days!
When I told him this he said I would therefore have to sleep in his spare room!
In the end he "let" me stay in his bed as long as I showered even if hair wasn't washed.
Is this controlling or reasonable if its his place, therefore being able to dictate?

Shower - reasonable request
Hair wash - a bit mental when you have such long hair

THIS! 👆

I know!!

He is correct, its absolutely disgusting

Oh I see it wasn’t today. Well kind of weird then as it’s not been hot in a while.

@SilentG1 Does he shower before bed and get changed before sitting on the sofa?

If he does, then he probably has some cleanliness anxiety issues.

If he doesn't, then he probably has some control issues.

He's got some kind of germ phobia thing. Very odd not to be allowed to sit on his furniture in clothes you've been out in.

Definitely controlling. Amazed that all the responses don't agree.

The hair is OTT but it’s been really hot in London today apparently, so I imagine you’re probably a bit sweaty, I know I would be. I must admit that I would be giving a partner the side eye if they’ve been out in the sweltering heat all day and didn’t shower before going to bed, but that’s just me.

@User000111 Aw I’m glad things have improved for you. I guess I just don’t get it because I never worry about germs beyond basic hand washing after using the loo/cleaning and before eating/cooking/food hygiene. So I probably sound really insensitive, sorry. That’s interesting that it’s a feeling of discomfort about germs generally rather than a specific fear about what will happen as an end result. Wouldn’t have guessed that. If you watched me and my slovenly ways for a few days, you’d soon be assured that the answer is…nothing at all!

I know a friend who loves in Hong Kong, after travelling on the busy trains she will take ALL her clothes off in the hallway, have a shower and only then sit on her bed! Her indoor clothes will be worn in the house only.

I on the other hand completely understand your BF. I’ve never ever went to bed without showering at night. Especially in London, public transport is disgusting and it’s nice to feel clean before bed

He's not well

I agree with him. Clean sheets always (without exception) mean a shower with hair washed and after a full day out you should be showering anyway. Public transport (and especially the tube) makes me feel dirty so i cannot understand why you wouldn't

I’m on his side here. I never get into clean sheets without a shower (including hair - though I don’t think you needed to wash yours after 12 hours) and clean pyjamas. I’d expect anyone else getting in to do the same.

Back in my house-sharing days, I never used to let my boyfriend sit or lie on my bed in his ‘tube jeans’. 😂

Wow how would you cope in a war situation?
I can’t imagine how stressful it probably is having a mother who is so ocd about these things.

Blimey no wonder some of you have enormous bills!

This (and many of the responses!) strike me as bizarre….and my DH teases me for the amount I shower and bathe! This sounds horribly controlling to me. I wouldn’t take kindly at all to being ordered to wash….

Some of these replies are barking. You're a grown woman, you do not need a man to tell you when to shower.

Get rid of the controlling arsehole.

He showers in the evening anyway, I'm a morning shower person and don't usually shower before bed too unless I have been working out, in which case I will shower before bed when I've been sweating.
So I had showered that morning anyway but he hadn't...
There are other low level controlling behaviours so it's honestly hard to tell whether it's a hygiene things or not- maybe a bit of both.

im with DP on this one

I would bin him off if you can. A man like that would not sit well in my life. I like getting muddy and camping etc. I could not bare to be with someone so afraid of a few germs.
i find anyone so petty and fragile over germs to be Really off putting. I wouldn’t want to be friends with them let alone in a relationship.
Those are the kind of people, people don’t invite over.

I'm not getting up close and personal with anyone in bed who hasn't showered in the last few hours. My DP gets home from work and showers, then I have a shower right before bed.

Personally I'd rather go to bed showered, in clean sheets and not shower until the following evening than shower in the morning, spend all day at work, and get into bed dirty.

However, OP the hair wash thing is odd and controlling.

I dont think he was saying that you smelled bad. But if the bed had been changed and the sheets were clean I get his point about showering first before getting into a clean bed.

Whatever it is, the main issue here is his lack of mature communication. He must know that women don't wash their hair before bed every night. He thinks it's appropriate to dictate the rules, and doesn't seem keen on discussing them.
It doesn't bode well for life's real issues.

Sorry the demand that you wash your hair is insane. Ditch.