Boyfriend made me shower before bed.

[SilentG1]

Not sure what to think of this one.
We spent the day out in the city and got in at 10pm or so. I was staying at his and when we got home he told me that I couldn't sleep in his bed unless I showered and washed my hair as he had clean sheets and we had been on the tube/ public transport etc and it was disgusting to go to bed without washing after being out in town all day.
I washed and styled my hair that morning only 12 hours before! I have long boob length hair that takes bloody ages to dry and style and once I've done this I don't usually go through the hassle of washing it again for another few days!
When I told him this he said I would therefore have to sleep in his spare room!
In the end he "let" me stay in his bed as long as I showered even if hair wasn't washed.
Is this controlling or reasonable if its his place, therefore being able to dictate?

The sofa thing is a real issue. He seems to be obsessed with dirt

Absolutely this!

Sorry, title probably misleading. I would have showered, fine. That wouldn't have bothered me. It was just when I said "if it's ok though I'm not going to wash my hair as I did it this morning and it takes a long time to brush/dry etc" and his reply was just that no I need to wash my hair and when I said I couldn't be bothered and it wasn't dirty as I washed it this morning, he said if youre not going to wash it you can sleep in the spare room then.
I ended up just showering but he was annoyed about it.

He sounds very controlling. Run for the hills.

Does he have OCD? I always shower in the morning.Seems odd that he is so bothered TBH ! I personally would find it too controlling.

I don't sit on public transport in my bare naked bod so I take the clothes off and put on pjs before bed. If op was insisting on wearing all her outdoor clothes, jacket & shoes fair enough

This. And being relegated to the spare room for not washing your hair….weird

@User000111 when you say germaphobe, do you mean you have OCD? Or just more preoccupied with germs than average?

What do you think would happen if you sat on the bed wearing GASP bus tainted jeans?

@SilentG1 Wash that man right out of your hair OP

do you people who have to wash after being on the tube/on a city street actually live in London? Never heard anything like it. As for no outdoor clothes on the bed, and making your kids change before sitting on their own beds- ! I was brought up in London, we washed once a week as kids, washed outer clothes only when they were stained, we are all fine.

Yes public transport is dirty, which is why I give my hands a thorough wash when I arrive home after travelling on it. I also wash my face before bed. My legs and body were however covered by clothes so the clothes go in the wash basket, but unless I'm really sweaty or visibly dirty I don't shower as I don't think huge amounts of dirt will have gone through my clothes onto body/legs. I am however a complete slattern compared to most on mumsnet, with questionable views on how often to wash towels so I'm probably talking rubbish.

If you were in London today it was hot and the tubes are grimy - if he’s hygiene conscious and showered himself there’s nothing much wrong with asking you to too, You might not have actively smelt, but you would be putting your sweaty dusty person on his sheets.

I agree about the hair, but I sounds like you reached a compromise.

unless there are other controlling behaviours it just sounds like he is a bit of a hygiene freak, and that’s either tolerable for you or it isn’t.

Sounds like he has some germ anxiety which after the past couple of years is understandable.

Could you have just left your hair in it's natural state?

Showering, yes. Who wouldn’t shower after a day in a grubby city?

Hairwash? No. I have masses of long hair and washing it is an event.

@KateTush I do have OCD that developed in primary school, but recently I've had therapy to help treat it so it's much better these days but I can't shake the fear of germs. I'm not sure what I think will happen, it's just the idea of germs 'transferring' from my clothes to my furniture makes me uncomfortable x

It wasn't today no and wasn't a particularly hot day so nothing to do with it being a hot sweaty day. Just dirt in general!

I’d hate to be a kid growing up with silly rules like don’t sit on your bed wearing school uniform. They’ll realise at some point visiting friends that their parent(s) made up a silly illogical rule because of their own issues. Sounds stifling. Reminds me of a friend’s mum who didn’t let her kids sit on the sofa because it made it look untidy(!)

He sounds like he has far too many issues and is far more trouble than he is worth. Ditch him, unless you want to have to live your life with such a controlling bully and have your life run by him and his obsessions. Seriously, ain't nobody got time for that! Life is too short. He sounds exhausting and a control freak just reading your post. Hard work doesn't even cover it. He has more issues than Time magazine. You name the sayings, but what it boils down to is can you really really be arsed dealing with someone as nucking futs as he is? Life is too short, I'd rather be single for the rest of my life, fuck that!

I wouldn't like someone sleeping in my bed who hadn't showered tbh

Could have showered together

I agree about the shower not about the hair.

Controlling weird arsewipe

Greensleeves🤣🤣 excellent. He sounds like he has a germ problem. Lets be honest most guys would be straight under the covers with their girlfriends staying over lol the showers can usually wait! Watch him for any more hygiene (?) rituals he might be doing I say.

You’ll have a really fun life if you ever move in with him. I really couldn’t be bothered with someone like that. He needs someone on his page and you need someone normal!

I am absolutely not a germophobe in any sense of the word but I don’t like my DH to sit on the sofa after a day at work as sadly for him he sweats a lot. I don’t but at the gym or a run I would absolutely not sit on the sofa either so no double standard from me, it’s kind “how sweaty are you” litmus test because wet sweat will start to stink when it dries.

The tube is pretty grim tho and does have a mind of metallic smell about it, maybe he is extra good at smelling things?

Be real, it was hot today, people sweat so maybe you did need a shower?