Boyfriend made me shower before bed.

[SilentG1]

Not sure what to think of this one.
We spent the day out in the city and got in at 10pm or so. I was staying at his and when we got home he told me that I couldn't sleep in his bed unless I showered and washed my hair as he had clean sheets and we had been on the tube/ public transport etc and it was disgusting to go to bed without washing after being out in town all day.
I washed and styled my hair that morning only 12 hours before! I have long boob length hair that takes bloody ages to dry and style and once I've done this I don't usually go through the hassle of washing it again for another few days!
When I told him this he said I would therefore have to sleep in his spare room!
In the end he "let" me stay in his bed as long as I showered even if hair wasn't washed.
Is this controlling or reasonable if its his place, therefore being able to dictate?

@KateTush no not at all! I didn't think it was insensitive, I think most people with an irrational fear of germs know on some level that it's not logical 🤣 I've always said it feels like I have two minds- a logical one that knows germs probably won't kill me and an obsessive one that is petrified of anything unclean 🤣 but I 100% see where you're coming from! Tbh I have a shocking immune system whereas hubby who grew up eating bugs and dirt absolutely never gets ill so I know it doesn't do any good to be in a sterile bubble!

Yes sorry just to be clear it was the demand I wash my hair or sleep in another room that bothered me, not the shower alone.
When I commuted to work on the tube I definitely didn't wash my hair every night before bed!

before you know it he will have wipe down plastic covers for the sofa and a sanitising airlock at the front door

Who'd want to fuck such an uptight weirdo.

Say your farewells and leave him to his pristine sheets.

I agree re. shower. I definitely feel like I need to have one after being in town & on the tube.
I wouldn’t wash my hair necessarily though.

This is the most flexible and reasonable he will ever be. The longer you stay with him the more of this behaviour will come to the surface. Get out now while you still can.

Couldn't agree more. Some absolutely barking AF responses on here. People apparently feeling revolted or nauseated by someone who washed their hair that morning . . . not washing it again at 10 pm?

OP spent the day in London; she didn't escape fucking Shawshank, ffs . . .

I wonder if there was an unpleasant smell about you that you weren't aware of

nope some people just have high/odd standards in stuff like this, it's their pejorative but agree with others that it's ott. I could imagine David Beckham or Tom Cruise being like this.

Showering is reasonable but not washing your hair. How about some kind of head wrap for the night?

I’ve probably missed this but did you actually sleep in the spare room or did he relent?
TBH if he did ‘allow’ you to get into his bed would have told him ‘no thanks, I’m staying put.’

No OP that’s really odd, not normal at all. Also where does he expect you guys to… you know. Like is sex okay in bed but imaginary “city” dirt isn’t?!

I’ve got a friend like this. She has a weird thing about day dirt. I laugh at her but it genuinely stresses her out!

@User000111 Interesting…I think if I’ve ever had a passing worried thought about germs, I remind myself that only 43% of cells in my body are actually human. The rest are microbes, so that means most of these (very) little organisms are most certainly not harmful and in fact are normal and essential.
Do you ever find it difficult to manage the conflict between your germ anxiety and other people’s different standards?

Yes, OP, or perhaps a Hazmat suit? Don't dismiss it out of hand . . .

He relented but was moody and pissed off when I got into bed. Probably should have just gone for the spare room in hindsight!😬

shower in the morning but also like to have a quick wash before I go to sleep - especially if I've gone on public transport or it's been a hot day (i.e. any day that's not a lazy day)

Just like feeling clean before I sleep. Don't think that's OCD or weird. I brush my teeth and wash my face morning and night too...

🤣🤣

If you were naked on the Tube then definitely you should have showered, those things are filthy! But if you were dressed then maybe just your clothes needed to be taken off before getting into bed?!
A shower before bed is nice if you're planning on being intimate and undoing all the hard work of the shower but telling you to wash your hair is well into controlling territory. Obviously none of us know if it was a case of a shower being somewhat necessary but he seems to be over the top.
If he doesn't see an issue then you need to consider if you want to spend your future like this, and his behaviour may well go downhill as others have suggested.

Ye Gods. He asked you to change your clothes before he let you sit on his sofa?

Out and about... where? Were you mucking out horses, or down a coal mine, or what?

I’m a person who thinks it’s disgusting to get into bed at night without showering first. If I had been on the tube and walking around the city, that would include mandatory hair washing, even though I don’t always wash my very long hair every day.

so I’m completely with the boyfriend here. Getting into bed after a day out. The whole idea just feels gross. I wouldn’t be able to sleep.

I like to be clean for a clean bed but the fact that it was such an issue you've were told to sleep in the spare room is a huge red flag. Run for the hills OP.

He told you to wash your hair or sleep in the spare room?? What a loony!

Yes this. He sounds boring and controlling

It wasn't that long ago people were washing their tins of baked beans after bringing them into the house.

You spent all day out among the public. Why wouldn't you want to wash that off before getting into bed?

But presumably you’re not rolling about naked on public transport? And this there will be a limit to what part of you is exposed to the grime of the underground