Husband wanting to take kids on family holiday alone

[Thatgirlcat]

Hi guys,

myself and my husband are currently going through a separation. Previous to this we had booked a family holiday to the Philippines for 1 month in July this year. My husband hasn’t been home in 5 years and his family have never met our 2 children. We have split up since booking the holiday, but currently still live together, as we are waiting to sell our house. We both agreed that we would still take the kids on holiday together before the house sells and we divorce.

Recently my husband told me that I’m not coming with them, and that he will be “taking his children on holiday without me, as he doesn’t want me there around his family”. I’m devastated, as I really want to go and see me kids enjoy the holiday. I will never be able to take them away like this with all 4 of us again, so it’s really important for me. I don’t want to stop them from seeing their family, but at the same time I can’t sit back while they leave. I just don’t know what to do. Has anyone got any advice?

I hate to say it but will he definitely bring them back?

Is he from the Philippines? I’d be very wary of letting him take the dc’s away without you. Hopefully someone will be along who can advise of the legal risks- regardless you should get proper advice, not opinions.

I think the most important thing would be to make sure the Philippines has signed the Hague convention so it's 100% certain he can't just stay there - just make absolutely sure that's not the case before agreeing to anything.

Any advice?

Yes - don't agree to it. Secure their passports where he can't access them. Register with authorities that you refuse permission for them to leave the country.

This ^^
Do not let your children leave this country!!

This.

Be very, very careful here. You had an agreement to travel together which he has about turned on. What else is he willing to change?

That would not be happening for me; where were you all going to stay?
A month without my children I’d never agree with and yes I’d be worried he wouldn’t bring them back.

Let's not jump the gun. As a person will he look after your kids OP? How old are your kids? This is important?

Have. A look at The Hague convention as a pp mentioned, see if it applies here. He cannot take any child across international boarders if the other parent doesn't consent, it's kidnapping.

He wants to take them away for a whole month without you? No chance and I would also be worried that he wouldn't return as well

Sorry but I’m with everyone else: red flags flew up reading your OP. Not a chance in hell I’d let him take them to his home country alone.

Agree with all the above. Withdraw your consent to them leaving the country,

no don’t do it. it was a regular threat of my ex to take the children to his home country and leave them with his mother whilst he returned to work in the uk. he didn’t take them on holiday abroad until my youngest was 10 because of this, and only because that holiday was with his new partner and her family. I didn’t allow him to travel alone with them for this very reason.

Hell no to them leaving the country with him

I can kind of see his point. I wouldn't want an ex (or soon to be ex) spouse encroaching on my first visit to my family in 5 years.

I agree with pp to be very careful. I personally couldn’t take the risk of my children being abducted and unable to get them back.

I googled the Phillipines and The Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction.

It seems that the Phillipines have acceded to The Hague convention but it is unenforceable between Australia and the Phillipines and the USA and the Phillipines but I couldn’t find anything about between the UK and the Phillipines.

So get some legal advice. Every single case I’ve read about, the mum had no reason to believe that their ex would not return the children when they gave permission for the children to go overseas with their dad, often to meet or spend time with his family.

The stories are truly heartbreaking.

His family can come to visit the children in the children’s home country.

Hague convention or not, there's no way I'd be letting him take the kids to his family abroad for a month. Either you go, or the kids stay at home.

Regardless of the Hague Convention I wouldnt let them go, no. See a solicitor and get legal advice.

And I wouldn't go with them either. If he's a philipine national and you're not, he might have additional rights in the philippines that you don't have.

My first thought was what has already need said. That he won't bring them back. There's no way I'd let them go. I wouldn't even go myself with them.

I wouldn’t accept this. There’s no way (even with the guarantee of bringing them back) would ever agree to being apart from my DD for a month!

Absolutely not would I let my children go abroad for a month with my DH and family they don't know without me. And I am happily married 😂😂

Please don't let them go!!! If he's not letting you go now what's stopping him from you having contact with your children while they are there. Even if you went could you deal with a month of knowing you weren't wanted there.

There is a risk that he might not return. The question is what is the best way to mitigate against this.

The OP can say no and that might be it or he could go to court. Where he would reasonably expect to secure an order allowing the trip if there is no evidence to support the risk of no returning.

A suspicion won’t be enough, he would have to have made threats. . If he has a job here and a life here, there is no reason for the court to suspect this isn’t a holiday. Just like 2 weeks in the south of France.

Thanks everyone,

my kids are 4 and 2, so I really don’t want them going without me as they are both very little. He would be taking them to stay in his family home in the Philippines with all his family there. At first they were fine, but I think something has been said as he told me his mum thinks even I shouldn’t go. Even my mum told me why I wouldn’t agree to it, as he’s going to see his family. I’m really upset that even my own mother doesn’t agree with me. I feel really torn because I know he wants to take them to see his family, but at the same time they are both so young and I know the Philippines has a lot of crime and dengue fever etc, I would be constantly worried about them.

my kids are both British citizens, he asked me to sign a form saying I give my consent but I ripped it up because I was so upset. The other thing I’m worried about is, if I stop him from taking them he will tell everyone that I stopped them from seeing his family. We both work at the same hospital and no one knows about our separation yet. I’m a very private person and I don’t really want all my colleagues knowing my personal business. I just don’t know how to handle this, I can’t stop crying at the thought of them going without me.

Could you go and stay in separate accommodation?