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Original poster

Husband wanting to take kids on family holiday alone

299 replies

Thatgirlcat · 13/06/2022 10:44

Hi guys,

myself and my husband are currently going through a separation. Previous to this we had booked a family holiday to the Philippines for 1 month in July this year. My husband hasn’t been home in 5 years and his family have never met our 2 children. We have split up since booking the holiday, but currently still live together, as we are waiting to sell our house. We both agreed that we would still take the kids on holiday together before the house sells and we divorce.

Recently my husband told me that I’m not coming with them, and that he will be “taking his children on holiday without me, as he doesn’t want me there around his family”. I’m devastated, as I really want to go and see me kids enjoy the holiday. I will never be able to take them away like this with all 4 of us again, so it’s really important for me. I don’t want to stop them from seeing their family, but at the same time I can’t sit back while they leave. I just don’t know what to do. Has anyone got any advice?

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 13/06/2022 12:11

4 & 2 years old and he wants to take them away from you for a month??? No chance OP, I can't believe your mother thinks that's reasonable, it IS NOT. These are your children, you don't have to agree to this.

MimiSunshine · 13/06/2022 12:12

Can’t you go out there and stay in a nearby hotel?
he can’t stop you traveling on tickets you’ve already booked. Tell him
its non-negotiable, he wants the family holiday then the family goes as planned.
The children are too young to go so far away without you, and they can predominantly stay with you in the hotel or wherever you stay.

SleepingStandingUp · 13/06/2022 12:14

I would refuse to sign permission and keep hold of their passports. Their works will be ripped apart when he leaves, it doesn't need to be torn apart as he embarks on a month in a foreign country without their Mom leaving them confused and scared.

Tell him he's thinking of himself not the kids, they'll want you both there given its such a long trip and you're unwilling to cause them the emotional harm of letting them go without the two of you.

Hollipolly · 13/06/2022 12:15

Ahhh that changes the game massively 2 and 4? No doing a long haul flight alone, with 1 months worth of baby things....

Is he just trying to wind you up? Have your kids already got passports?

Original poster
Thatgirlcat · 13/06/2022 12:16

Yes, I said this to him. I said if it makes you feel more comfortable, I can stay in a hotel and not with your family. I just want to enjoy time with the kids all together before we have to sit them down and tell them we are separating and selling the house I bought for them. I would never do this to him. I said I wanted the best co-parenting relationship possible and that it’s not about us, it’s about our 2 children. I know it must be hard for him, but I’m not asking for much. I just want to be with my children.

OP posts:
BackOnTheBandWagon · 13/06/2022 12:19

They are WAY too young to be away from you for a month. Don't make this about you, make it about your children's needs. It is awful of him to say you can't go.

SoftSheen · 13/06/2022 12:19

Apart from anything else, IMO ages 2 and 4 are too young to be away from their mother for a whole month. Either you go with them, or they stay here.

Goldie2021 · 13/06/2022 12:21

Do not let them go. Hide their passports.

Hollipolly · 13/06/2022 12:21

Get a child arrangement order in place. The judge would rule kids stay with mum at that young age! Have you ended on bad terms?

PizzaPatel · 13/06/2022 12:22

NO WAY.

im bringing my kids on honeymoon with me (just 2 weeks - half what your husband is proposing) because that’s way too long, and my kids are a bit older than yours.

add in the stress of separation on the kids - they will be very confused and insecure.

Yodaisawally · 13/06/2022 12:25

Alarm bells ringing all over OP, sorry. Not a chance I would let this happen.

speakout · 13/06/2022 12:25

I agree with the others- you may end up with a bigger loss than the odd family holiday.

I wouldn';t trust him to bring them back to the UK and if he doesn;t return them you may have a difficult and expensive fight to bring them home.

justasking111 · 13/06/2022 12:26

Thatgirlcat · 13/06/2022 12:16

Yes, I said this to him. I said if it makes you feel more comfortable, I can stay in a hotel and not with your family. I just want to enjoy time with the kids all together before we have to sit them down and tell them we are separating and selling the house I bought for them. I would never do this to him. I said I wanted the best co-parenting relationship possible and that it’s not about us, it’s about our 2 children. I know it must be hard for him, but I’m not asking for much. I just want to be with my children.

Even if you're in the country, the same town you could still lose the children in a heartbeat. So no they cannot go

Thereisnolight · 13/06/2022 12:26

No way!
Just say no!
You’re not stopping him from seeing them.
His family can travel to see them if they want to.

No, no and no!!!!!

Sarah2891 · 13/06/2022 12:27

Please don't let them go! Do what you can to stop this.

Clymene · 13/06/2022 12:28

Don't let him take them.

Parental child abduction is not a crime under Philippine law. Custody disputes are considered civil legal matters that must be resolved between the concerned parties or through the courts in the Philippines.

If he takes them and decides not to bring them back, you're stuffed.

You need to speak to a lawyer. Is he a British citizen or here on a spousal visa?

Original poster
Thatgirlcat · 13/06/2022 12:28

To be honest we’ve been married for almost 5 years, and since my daughter has been born we have had many issues. He has known that I haven’t been happy for a long time, so can’t really say he’s surprised with the situation. Despite this, I would have thought he was decent enough to still let me go with them. I feel like maybe he is doing this as a kind of punishment for leaving him? He cannot give me a reason as to why he doesn’t want me there, he just said I don’t want you around my kids and my family. He keeps making little jabs at me, like saying oh your mum was right about the holiday you shouldn’t come when he knows I’m really stressed and upset about everything

OP posts:
Calmdown14 · 13/06/2022 12:30

It's difficult because I can see his point of view but at the same time, it's too big a risk for you (and too much for the kids).

What if you went for say a fortnight (staying elsewhere) and then brought the kids back with you? Could flights be changed for an admin fee?

Then he'd get adult time to catch up with family and friends too.

I'd make sure you go out at the beginning so travel as a family then he drops you all off at the airport to go home.

You need to try and talk calmly about the options to reach a compromise. It's less about one last family holiday and more about facilitating the visit without it being distressing for your children. He might take it better in these terms

Original poster
Thatgirlcat · 13/06/2022 12:30

He has indefinite leave to remain, but Filipino passport. My kids are British citizens.

OP posts:
Whooshaagh · 13/06/2022 12:31

Get proper legal advice OP.
In your position however I wouldn't let them go even with you there.
What if he refuses to bring them home?

drpet49 · 13/06/2022 12:32

Your separated, I don’t blame him not wanting to take you to see his family that he hasn’t seen in 5 years. It will be joyless and weird.

Whooshaagh · 13/06/2022 12:34

And being a British citizen is toothless these days.
My db worked in Egypt and was advised if he needed help to go to the Irish or US embassy because they're more help than the British.

Whooshaagh · 13/06/2022 12:35

drpet49 · 13/06/2022 12:32

Your separated, I don’t blame him not wanting to take you to see his family that he hasn’t seen in 5 years. It will be joyless and weird.

Maybe but a good dad wouldn't stop his dc from having contact with their dm for that long.

Original poster
Thatgirlcat · 13/06/2022 12:36

@Calmdown14 I like the idea of this, but in reality I can’t afford a flight home for the 3 of us.

OP posts:
titchy · 13/06/2022 12:37

He cannot give me a reason as to why he doesn’t want me there,

You've not acknowledged the very real possibility that the reason he doesn't want you there is because he has no intention of coming back to the UK with them.

Do you recognise the risk here?

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