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Original poster

Husband wanting to take kids on family holiday alone

299 replies

Thatgirlcat · 13/06/2022 10:44

Hi guys,

myself and my husband are currently going through a separation. Previous to this we had booked a family holiday to the Philippines for 1 month in July this year. My husband hasn’t been home in 5 years and his family have never met our 2 children. We have split up since booking the holiday, but currently still live together, as we are waiting to sell our house. We both agreed that we would still take the kids on holiday together before the house sells and we divorce.

Recently my husband told me that I’m not coming with them, and that he will be “taking his children on holiday without me, as he doesn’t want me there around his family”. I’m devastated, as I really want to go and see me kids enjoy the holiday. I will never be able to take them away like this with all 4 of us again, so it’s really important for me. I don’t want to stop them from seeing their family, but at the same time I can’t sit back while they leave. I just don’t know what to do. Has anyone got any advice?

OP posts:
Littleorangeflowers · 13/06/2022 12:38

4 and 2. I'm not surprised you're having kittens about it. Just say no. Or yes if I come too. But basically just say no.

Trafficjamlog · 13/06/2022 12:39

In theory he's absolutely right, why would he want you on a family holiday when you've decided to end the marriage. I also think that it's perfectly reasonable to take the children away for a month, they're his children too and he's their father.

However, I can see there is a risk he won't bring them back but what's your instinct. Is it that he won't bring them back or is it that you'll miss them and want to go?

Original poster
Thatgirlcat · 13/06/2022 12:40

@drpet49 not necessarily, I have no ill feelings towards him he is the father of my children. We have also organised other trips to stay at islands without his family and other day trips. So in reality we wouldn’t really be around them for that long. Plus I said I would stay in a hotel if it’s better for them. His family are also not bad people, even with everything it is the Filipino hospitality and good kind morals that they believe in. I’m not saying they have to love me, but I know they just want to see our children and don’t hate me. They are very family oriented and I simply want to enjoy time with my kids and for them to meet his family, no drama

OP posts:
Phobiaphobic · 13/06/2022 12:41

titchy · 13/06/2022 12:37

He cannot give me a reason as to why he doesn’t want me there,

You've not acknowledged the very real possibility that the reason he doesn't want you there is because he has no intention of coming back to the UK with them.

Do you recognise the risk here?

This. My first thought when I read this was that you should be concerned about whether or not those kids actually return to the UK, OP. Why are you not even addressing this?

dreamingbohemian · 13/06/2022 12:44

You would be absolutely insane to let him do this

You need to get over the part about feeling hurt and excluded, and wake up to the fact that you might never see your children again if you let him take them

He may not have an automatic right to stay in the UK if you divorce, or even if he does, he might have decided he doesn't want to jump through the hoops required to make that happen. He might just go home and stay there and you will not be able to get your children back easily, especially as they are so young.

You need to hide their passports and find out what you can do to make sure he doesn't take them out the country.

dreamingbohemian · 13/06/2022 12:46

Phobiaphobic · 13/06/2022 12:41

This. My first thought when I read this was that you should be concerned about whether or not those kids actually return to the UK, OP. Why are you not even addressing this?

Show quote history

Yes I also don't understand why this isn't the number one concern

Kastri · 13/06/2022 12:46

You sound very naive OP.
Go and get legal advice before anything is decided or agreed to.
My advice,do not let them leave the country.

JuneJubilee · 13/06/2022 12:47

they would NOT be going with or without me. No way. Even if you go, you can't keep them with you 24/7, he'd have ample opportunity to take them where you won't find them.

NicolasSarkozysCumDumpster · 13/06/2022 12:48

Seek league advice, trust me if he goes they ain’t coming back

Respectforpeople · 13/06/2022 12:49

OP please stop wittering on about the holiday plans you had, they are gone.

PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN, do not let them leave the country.

TirisfalPumpkin · 13/06/2022 12:50

100%, what everyone else is saying.

You'll have other holidays with your kids, but this has 'his family have bent his ear & want to keep them' written all over it. Don't rely on the authorities to sort this out after it goes south, do all you can to stop it happening in the first place.

PattyMelt · 13/06/2022 12:50

Has he already got the children Pilipino passports? He's a citizen they will be citizens through him.
You need to stop moaning about the holiday and get focused on him removing the children and not bringing them back.

FlissyPaps · 13/06/2022 12:50

OP do you truly believe that he has no intention of bringing your children back home?

FetchezLaVache · 13/06/2022 12:50

You need to get over the part about feeling hurt and excluded, and wake up to the fact that you might never see your children again if you let him take them

Oh my goodness, this!! I also think that is the real reason he is so against your coming on the trip.

And even if you were there, how on earth do you think you - on your own - are going to get the children back off him and his entire extended family and get them onto a plane back to the UK when a PP has pointed out you don't even have the law on your side on Filipino soil????

HappyCup · 13/06/2022 12:55

A) I understand the worry about him not bringing them back. That should be your number one concern. But B) it’s pretty odd that you want to play pretend happy families when you’re getting a separation. I think, kindly, you need legal advice for A and counselling for B.

Aconitum · 13/06/2022 12:56

You seem to be completely ignoring the advice people are giving you about the very real risk that he won't bring them home. Why are you not acknowledging this?

Sunnysundays33 · 13/06/2022 12:57

Stop worrying about what other people think and start worrying about the fact he could potentially go out there and stay there with your children. Say no unless you can all go. Even if he isn't planning to kidnap them, a month without your children is too long!!!x

Shtfday · 13/06/2022 12:57

It is perfectly reasonable that he doesn't want you to come to his family now you are no longer together. He may have thought it would be ok initially but now realises that it isnt. he may have believed you would work things out before the trip. He may have spoken to family and realised how difficult it will be for them knowing the relationship has broken down. If his Family were in the UK then would you expect to still visit as a family when no longer together? As a parent he has Parental responsibility and has the same rights as you and if this was UK only trip you would have no say in what he does with his time with the children.

That being said there are 2 issues that need addressing.....


  1. the children - how will they cope with the situation? they are young and generally would think 2 weeks would be more appropriate at this age but all children are different. But equally the children have a right to get to know there paternal family too

  2. Is there a credible risk that he plans to not return.


You mum feels you should allow this trip which makes me feel that number 2 is highly unlikely. It also makes me believe that dad is Involved and capable in your Mums opinion.

the best way to resolve is to come to compromise. Shorten trip? go and stay near by so you can see the children every few days? Stay here and zoom calls with children.
Refund the flights and pay for family to come to UK and you stay with your Mum while they are here? Delay the trip till children are older (it is important for them to know their heritage)

offer possible solutions not barriers where possible, keep discussion child focussed about best interest of children

Original poster
Thatgirlcat · 13/06/2022 13:01

you cannot have both a Filipino passport and a British passport, unless you have applied for dual citizenship. I am not naive, I know if he stays there, there is nothing there for him. I have the kids passports and I have all the money we were planning on taking, so I don’t see what he can really do. I am not stupid, I will not let him take them there alone.

OP posts:
TolkiensFallow · 13/06/2022 13:01

No. They are 2 and 4, it is not in their interests to be separated from their mother for a month. A weeks holiday maybe but your children have never been to the Philippines and Britain is all they know, they need their mum.

Ladyoftheprom · 13/06/2022 13:02

Shtfday · 13/06/2022 12:57

It is perfectly reasonable that he doesn't want you to come to his family now you are no longer together. He may have thought it would be ok initially but now realises that it isnt. he may have believed you would work things out before the trip. He may have spoken to family and realised how difficult it will be for them knowing the relationship has broken down. If his Family were in the UK then would you expect to still visit as a family when no longer together? As a parent he has Parental responsibility and has the same rights as you and if this was UK only trip you would have no say in what he does with his time with the children.

That being said there are 2 issues that need addressing.....


  1. the children - how will they cope with the situation? they are young and generally would think 2 weeks would be more appropriate at this age but all children are different. But equally the children have a right to get to know there paternal family too

  2. Is there a credible risk that he plans to not return.


You mum feels you should allow this trip which makes me feel that number 2 is highly unlikely. It also makes me believe that dad is Involved and capable in your Mums opinion.

the best way to resolve is to come to compromise. Shorten trip? go and stay near by so you can see the children every few days? Stay here and zoom calls with children.
Refund the flights and pay for family to come to UK and you stay with your Mum while they are here? Delay the trip till children are older (it is important for them to know their heritage)

offer possible solutions not barriers where possible, keep discussion child focussed about best interest of children

This 🙌

Freehugs · 13/06/2022 13:02

With tensions being so high and failing to be amicable I don’t think a family holiday would be much fun together. I don’t think you should go.

That being said you need to consider the following

  • would your children be negatively impacted by not seeing you for a month?
  • do you believe their father would fully care for them?
  • do you trust him to return the children to the UK?
  • if something happened do you have the funds to get over there?

I think if you fully trust him, the only thing I could see is an issue is the length of time young children are being kept away from one parent. In which case you could ask him to reduce the length of the trip to something you’re happy with.

Any doubts what so ever you should refuse, withhold passports and seek legal advice - who cares what colleagues may think, you need to put your children first.

Original poster
Thatgirlcat · 13/06/2022 13:02

Is there any free legal advice I can get about this? Like anything that can protect me and my kids, if say I went there with them and he dioceses to keep them there?

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 13/06/2022 13:06

Ok two issues here.

Firstly, just because you’re separating and he’s from another country doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s planning to take them abroad and never bring them back. Yes it happens, of course it does, but to state that every foreigner is going to abduct their children back to their home country and never return is blatant racism.

While you need to consider the possibility, you don’t necessarily need to panic and please ignore the posters who are posting things like “you’ll never see them again.”

It’s entirely possible that he is a decent father.

Secondly, and partly related to the above, he’s perfectly reasonable to not want you on holiday with him and his family. You’re no longer together. Family holidays are gone forever. It is likely this reason why he doesn’t want you to come. Not because he is necessarily planning to abduct the children.

Anyone posting on here that they were separating from their husband and that he was saying he still wanted to come on the family holiday would be told that they should tell him no, and that given they were separating there will be no more family holidays.

dreamingbohemian · 13/06/2022 13:06

That's good to hear you understand the risks OP

But if you understand the risks, then surely you can see that it doesn't matter if you're there or not. He can whisk them off to some unknown location and you will have to rely on local police to help you, which may or may not happen.

The safest thing is to not go at all. I don't really understand why you're so determined to go.

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