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Original poster

Just had a WhatsApp from my colleagues wife

714 replies

BlueMoone · 10/06/2022 22:07

I work in a freelance creative industry (TV production) where I will be contracted on a project for a finite amount of time. My current role is 16 weeks and I'm 6 weeks in. I'm self employed and very very pleased to have the contract as sometimes I go a couple of months between contracts and have to budget to make the money stretch the whole year. Being self employed I don't get holiday pay or anything like that (just demonstrating how precious the work is to me.)

My role involves being paired with another freelance professional and the two of us work together in an edit suite reporting to senior members of staff but essentially it's just the two of us for the vast majority of the day.

This job was the first time I had met this guy, usually you work with people on the circuit but I hadn't come across him before. We get in great, he's 15 years older than me but seems young in his outlook and we have enjoyed chatting and having a laugh at work.

He told me about how he met his wife online and got her pregnant on their second date and now they're married and their child is about six months old. FWIW I live with my long term partner. He would sometimes tell me how his wife and he would argue but always in a jokey tone, he probably did share too much but not just about his relationship about loads of stuff - mostly just idle chat as we worked.

This evening I have received a WhatsApp from his wife (must have taken my number from his phone) telling me to stop calling him, he's a married man and he has a child and I need to back off and stay away from her husband. I had a missed call from him yesterday evening, called back assuming a work thing and he didn't pick up. Wasn't mentioned at work today I didn't think anything of it.

What do I reply? I don't want things to be awkward at work and don't want to put my job in jeopardy by giving the impression at work we are not being professional. We are doing a good job with good feedback. Should I message my colleague and tell him?

OP posts:
YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 10/06/2022 23:20

BlueMoone · 10/06/2022 23:13

@YellowAndGreenToBeSeen Yes you have the job roles right- I can't really leave it and mention it to him in the suite if she's making him email the PM requesting a new producer though.

I'm mates with a girl who hasn't worked since a wrap party incident I'm sure there's more than one!

Hyperbole. Any editor emailing to request a new edit producer FOR NO GOOD REASON would he told to crack on or fuck off. We got a schedule to stick to and any fucker causing unnecessary trouble would be replaced.

shes playing you or something. Very fishy.

Hearwego · 10/06/2022 23:20

justasking111 · 10/06/2022 22:59

She got pregnant on second date, had a baby, got married all in sixteen months. Now she thinks he's cheating. There's so much wrong here. Just hang onto this job grit teeth and get out clean

No Justasking…worse than that… she got pregnant on their second date and the baby is only 6 months old and they are already married!
Bloody weird isn’t it ?!

cdba88 · 10/06/2022 23:21

How crazy. You e done nothing wrong. I'd wait to speak to him on Monday.

grapewines · 10/06/2022 23:21

SophSoSo · 10/06/2022 22:12

I would reply telling her that you were returning his call and your relationship is that of work colleagues only. I would also tell her that I don’t appreciate the implication that you are anything other than professional and to not include you in her relationship dramas but that might just be me.

It would be me too.

BobbyBleu · 10/06/2022 23:21

I think you should email your line manager/supervisor/ the person you report to at the moment...and tell them what's happened and say you feel stressed about it all.

If he does ask for a new colleague, I agree, it might look like you are the difficult one when you are completely innocent.
Normally I'd say wait and speak to him.

Although I just saw someone with experience saying that it's unlikely someone in that role would ask for a new colleague. This is hopeful.
He might come in really embarrassed and explain all.

Robinni · 10/06/2022 23:21

Do not engage the wife.

Block her.

Discuss it with him when you see him in person that you don’t appreciate being hassled at home.

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 10/06/2022 23:22

I'm mates with a girl who hasn't worked since a wrap party incident I'm sure there's more than one!

Can you explain what the issue is with an editor sleeping with a contestant after the show is finished? I'm in a different industry and office romances / party hook-ups are run of the mill.

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 10/06/2022 23:22

(As an aside, it ain’t a good idea to shag the talent. As your mate has discovered)

Siepie · 10/06/2022 23:23

OutDamnedSpot · 10/06/2022 23:06

No. Don’t engage any further with her. Your text was perfect. Just ignore her now.

Instead, email your line manager with a calm, factual outline (none of the detail of your OP about their relationship or what you talk about, simply that you work with X, have no interest in him beyond a professional relationship and have received these messages tonight), then leave it to your bosses to deal with.

You haven’t done anything wrong. It’s not your job to ‘fix’ it now.

Yes, this

blisstwins · 10/06/2022 23:23

KylieKoKo · 10/06/2022 22:15

I would block her number and tell your colleague that you don't appreciate being involved in his marital problems. I'd be mortified if my partner took it upon himself to message one of my colleagues like that!

This.

grapewines · 10/06/2022 23:24

Having read on I don't blame you for being worried. She sounds batshit enough to make trouble. Sorry this is happening to you.

allboysherebutme · 10/06/2022 23:24

What @SophSoSo said.
I'd also tell her she's got a bloody cheek not everyone has such low standards and can be around other men without feeling the need to want a relationship with them. X

Crikeyalmighty · 10/06/2022 23:25

@xoxFulhamMUMMY - I thought 'maybe he's got form' was pretty self explanatory- maybe he's got a past history of affairs of some kind or flirting with colleagues and his wife is making all kind of wild presumptions based on Jack shit

IDreamOfTheMoors · 10/06/2022 23:26

BlueMoone · 10/06/2022 22:24

She's tried to call me.

This is freaking me out now because I don't want any drama with work - I think stuff like this looks bad and people don't know me well enough to know that it's groundless.

Eg. A woman I know was black listed for sleeping with a reality show contestant at the last wrap party. She hasn't worked since

@BlueMoone

I’ve dealt with women like this before, and frankly, they’re nutty.
I’m sure this is not the first “incident” your associate has had with his wife — she’s more than likely done this multiple times.
It’s harassment, plain and simple, and her husband probably hasn’t done anything to deserve this treatment — as of course, have you.
As others have said, block her, and make sure you speak to your associate.
Above all, don’t freak out — he most assuredly won’t be surprised. Embarrassed, but not surprised.
Also, make sure you document everything.

HolibobsAreComing · 10/06/2022 23:26

I received a similar message from the wife of a contractor I was working with at the time. I reassured her nothing untoward was going on and he was a colleague nothing more. I was married and pregnant, most definitely not having an affair with anyone's husband.

Turns out he had form for trying it on with women in the workplace. The poor woman was on her on in a strange country (strange to her - I'm in the UK) and was constantly on edge.

I'm sorry you've been dragged into his crap OP. I hope it doesn't impact your work.

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 10/06/2022 23:26

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 10/06/2022 23:22

I'm mates with a girl who hasn't worked since a wrap party incident I'm sure there's more than one!

Can you explain what the issue is with an editor sleeping with a contestant after the show is finished? I'm in a different industry and office romances / party hook-ups are run of the mill.

The mate won’t have been an editor - will have been a researcher, producer, production manager or some such and why is it Poor Form? It just is. Like a lawyer, sales person or doctor sleeping with a client or patient.

Original poster
BlueMoone · 10/06/2022 23:26

@YellowAndGreenToBeSeen

Do you work in telly too? Because I think of a PM for an email saying they no longer wanted to work with that person they'd be forced to address it (despite it being a huge PITA) and it's easy enough to swap me to the next episode whilst everyone whispers and finger points thinking BlueMoone had a bit of a thing with one of the editors and it went wrong, better not have her back as it caused us such a stress.

I doubt they'll just tell us to crack on if he's saying he can't work with me. Just makes me look so bad.

OP posts:
Robinni · 10/06/2022 23:26

Siepie · 10/06/2022 23:23

Yes, this

Show quote history

Seconded

NotAHouse · 10/06/2022 23:27

FGS. Stop being so wet.

Just because she's ordered him to ask for a new producer doesn't mean he will. If he does, THEN share the text evidence. Don't bring it up at work unless it escalates.

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 10/06/2022 23:27

Ps @BlueMoone tell your PM.

ReneBumsWombats · 10/06/2022 23:28

Don't contact work. If anyone drags the bosses into it, let it be him and/or his loon of a wife. Don't act in any way that dignifies or validates it. I can't think of any workplace that hires and fires based on who a staff member's spouse thinks is sleeping together.

Put it out of your mind. Engage no further. Be professional, do your job.

Original poster
BlueMoone · 10/06/2022 23:28

@ReneBumsWombats it's not hiring and firing - it's about not being rehired which is much easier for companies to do.

OP posts:
Tsandjdarethrbest · 10/06/2022 23:31

This is the ultimate nightmare working as a freelancer in a creative industry. There’s no line manager. The OP just won’t be used again if she is considered to be trouble. I disagree about saying nothing. This is your livelihood, not a falling out with a school mum.
I would compose an email stating the following. Him passing on your phone number to another person is a breach of your personal data. Her allegation an inappropriate relationship is false and damaging to your reputation and she should retract the allegations immediately. Say you will escalate this if necessary. Cut this off at the knees and assert your professionalism.

allboysherebutme · 10/06/2022 23:32

Can you not go to a boss and explain everything, show him her messages ect and tell them she's batshit x

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 10/06/2022 23:32

BlueMoone · 10/06/2022 23:26

@YellowAndGreenToBeSeen

Do you work in telly too? Because I think of a PM for an email saying they no longer wanted to work with that person they'd be forced to address it (despite it being a huge PITA) and it's easy enough to swap me to the next episode whilst everyone whispers and finger points thinking BlueMoone had a bit of a thing with one of the editors and it went wrong, better not have her back as it caused us such a stress.

I doubt they'll just tell us to crack on if he's saying he can't work with me. Just makes me look so bad.

Oh FFS, really? Editors NEVER complain about edit producers. They are super professional and crack on with the job, swallowing any animosity. Let your PM know and pour yourself a drink.

I’m sure you’re great at your job but a huge part of being a freelance telly person is developing a thick skin and knowing when to roll your eyes. Let the drama be theirs.