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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just had a WhatsApp from my colleagues wife

714 replies

BlueMoone · 10/06/2022 22:07

I work in a freelance creative industry (TV production) where I will be contracted on a project for a finite amount of time. My current role is 16 weeks and I'm 6 weeks in. I'm self employed and very very pleased to have the contract as sometimes I go a couple of months between contracts and have to budget to make the money stretch the whole year. Being self employed I don't get holiday pay or anything like that (just demonstrating how precious the work is to me.)

My role involves being paired with another freelance professional and the two of us work together in an edit suite reporting to senior members of staff but essentially it's just the two of us for the vast majority of the day.

This job was the first time I had met this guy, usually you work with people on the circuit but I hadn't come across him before. We get in great, he's 15 years older than me but seems young in his outlook and we have enjoyed chatting and having a laugh at work.

He told me about how he met his wife online and got her pregnant on their second date and now they're married and their child is about six months old. FWIW I live with my long term partner. He would sometimes tell me how his wife and he would argue but always in a jokey tone, he probably did share too much but not just about his relationship about loads of stuff - mostly just idle chat as we worked.

This evening I have received a WhatsApp from his wife (must have taken my number from his phone) telling me to stop calling him, he's a married man and he has a child and I need to back off and stay away from her husband. I had a missed call from him yesterday evening, called back assuming a work thing and he didn't pick up. Wasn't mentioned at work today I didn't think anything of it.

What do I reply? I don't want things to be awkward at work and don't want to put my job in jeopardy by giving the impression at work we are not being professional. We are doing a good job with good feedback. Should I message my colleague and tell him?

OP posts:
ElenaSt · 10/06/2022 22:10

No. Wait until you see him.

I don't use WhatsApp so don't know how it works but I would reply you the wife and say that was the message meant doe you as you are only working h with husband in a professional work capacity and environment and have no interest in him outside of work.

Hotcuppatea · 10/06/2022 22:11

I would definitely tell him and ask him to speak to his wife. Maybe he's done it before, maybe she's going through a tough time, but she needs to understand that her suspicions are wrong this time.

Curlyhairdonotcare · 10/06/2022 22:12

I would say anything back
sounds a bit weird
id mention it to him after work and gauge response

SophSoSo · 10/06/2022 22:12

I would reply telling her that you were returning his call and your relationship is that of work colleagues only. I would also tell her that I don’t appreciate the implication that you are anything other than professional and to not include you in her relationship dramas but that might just be me.

ZenNudist · 10/06/2022 22:12

Block her. Don't mention it in work to anyone above you. You can say to him that the job is super important to you and leave it at that. She sounds unhinged. I had a colleagues wife go crazy and stop him from speaking to any women at work. We put up with it for a while but eventually he left voluntarily. Some people have bad home lives you can feel sorry for him without getting involved.

Yodaisawally · 10/06/2022 22:13

You don't reply anything!!!! If you've got a clear conscience leave it.

Hillrunning · 10/06/2022 22:14

If you feel completely confident that you have been nothing but professional then just tell her that. 'I am nothing but professional with X and will continue to be that way.'

Or ignore it.

KylieKoKo · 10/06/2022 22:15

I would block her number and tell your colleague that you don't appreciate being involved in his marital problems. I'd be mortified if my partner took it upon himself to message one of my colleagues like that!

thistimelastweek · 10/06/2022 22:16

Do nothing. Say nothing.

And keep it very polite and professional with your colleague. I could be wrong but the over-sharing makes me think 'man on the make'. It's what his wife thinks.

Stay clear.

JimmyShoo · 10/06/2022 22:16

I don’t think this was meant for me, I am your husband’s colleague and our relationship is a professional one only.

StarDolphins · 10/06/2022 22:17

I would message her back & say you were returning his call and trust you don’t appreciate her insinuating it’s anything other than a professional work relationship and to not text you again.

Hiddenvoice · 10/06/2022 22:18

I think she’s been through this before and is worried. Up to you if you reply but I would mention it to him in person, next time you see him.
If you want to reply to her then I wouldn’t be confrontational or apologetic. I would calmly explain that you were returning a call and things are purely professional with you two. Reiterate that you are both colleagues and nothing more. If she is worried about something then she should speak to her husband but you are not involved in any way.

DatingDinosaur · 10/06/2022 22:20

Don’t reply anything.

I would speak to your colleague in person next time you’re at work. Show him the watapp message from his wife and ask if there’s been any crossed wires.

Gettingthereslowly2020 · 10/06/2022 22:21

Screenshot the message and send it to him. Tell him you do not give him permission to share your phone number with anyone outside of work. Tell him you have enjoyed working with him so far but your relationship is a professional one and you certainly are not interested in anything more. Don't reply to the wife, it's his job to have a word with her. He'll probably be mortified.

Moosake · 10/06/2022 22:22

I would block her and let your colleague know face to face next time you see him.

Bulldoze · 10/06/2022 22:22

ElenaSt · 10/06/2022 22:10

No. Wait until you see him.

I don't use WhatsApp so don't know how it works but I would reply you the wife and say that was the message meant doe you as you are only working h with husband in a professional work capacity and environment and have no interest in him outside of work.

Yes i think this is the perfect response

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/06/2022 22:24

“sorry you seem to have completely the wrong idea- we have a working relationship. Please do not contact me again”

Original poster
BlueMoone · 10/06/2022 22:24

She's tried to call me.

This is freaking me out now because I don't want any drama with work - I think stuff like this looks bad and people don't know me well enough to know that it's groundless.

Eg. A woman I know was black listed for sleeping with a reality show contestant at the last wrap party. She hasn't worked since

OP posts:
Sbqprules · 10/06/2022 22:24

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

EvilPea · 10/06/2022 22:24

I’d have to reply. “I think you have the wrong person, I work with your husband, that is it. I don’t appreciate unsolicited messages like this and suggest you talk to your husband instead of throwing accusations around”.

Moosake · 10/06/2022 22:25

Block her.

AssignedSlytherinAtBirth · 10/06/2022 22:26

It would be a shame if this spoilt your working relationship. She can only have got the info she has about you from him, so I wonder what he said about you? Gave her the impression you like him/he likes you? I would be very inclined to reply "I have no interest in your husband beyond work" but I don't know if that's the best response. But I would be wary now about him sharing too much and would be mentioning my amazing DP every five minutes, so he got the message.

worraliberty · 10/06/2022 22:29

BlueMoone · 10/06/2022 22:24

She's tried to call me.

This is freaking me out now because I don't want any drama with work - I think stuff like this looks bad and people don't know me well enough to know that it's groundless.

Eg. A woman I know was black listed for sleeping with a reality show contestant at the last wrap party. She hasn't worked since

If you don't want any drama, send a short reply saying your contact with her husband is in a professional capacity only and then block her.

StarDolphins · 10/06/2022 22:31

If she’s ringing you, I would text her or him& cut it dead. Say you don’t want to be involved in this. He is purely a work colleague & you have no interest in him outside of this professional work relationship. How strange!

goldfinchonthelawn · 10/06/2022 22:31

I'd reply, I think you have messaged the wrong person. I called your husband once out of office hours in response to a call from him. If someone from work is pestering him, it isn't me. i prefer to keep home and work lives firmly separate.