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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just had a WhatsApp from my colleagues wife

714 replies

BlueMoone · 10/06/2022 22:07

I work in a freelance creative industry (TV production) where I will be contracted on a project for a finite amount of time. My current role is 16 weeks and I'm 6 weeks in. I'm self employed and very very pleased to have the contract as sometimes I go a couple of months between contracts and have to budget to make the money stretch the whole year. Being self employed I don't get holiday pay or anything like that (just demonstrating how precious the work is to me.)

My role involves being paired with another freelance professional and the two of us work together in an edit suite reporting to senior members of staff but essentially it's just the two of us for the vast majority of the day.

This job was the first time I had met this guy, usually you work with people on the circuit but I hadn't come across him before. We get in great, he's 15 years older than me but seems young in his outlook and we have enjoyed chatting and having a laugh at work.

He told me about how he met his wife online and got her pregnant on their second date and now they're married and their child is about six months old. FWIW I live with my long term partner. He would sometimes tell me how his wife and he would argue but always in a jokey tone, he probably did share too much but not just about his relationship about loads of stuff - mostly just idle chat as we worked.

This evening I have received a WhatsApp from his wife (must have taken my number from his phone) telling me to stop calling him, he's a married man and he has a child and I need to back off and stay away from her husband. I had a missed call from him yesterday evening, called back assuming a work thing and he didn't pick up. Wasn't mentioned at work today I didn't think anything of it.

What do I reply? I don't want things to be awkward at work and don't want to put my job in jeopardy by giving the impression at work we are not being professional. We are doing a good job with good feedback. Should I message my colleague and tell him?

OP posts:
Crikeyalmighty · 10/06/2022 22:33

It may be that he's got form- maybe not- I would say nothing and bring it up with him - just say it's upsetting and not ok-

xoxFulhamMUMMY · 10/06/2022 22:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/06/2022 22:33

It would be a shame if this spoilt your working relationship.

Sadly, the damage has been done. There's no coming back from this.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/06/2022 22:33

pick up - honestly silence and acting weird makes you look guilty. You have nothing to worry about or be shamed about- “nope not me” is all you need to say.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 10/06/2022 22:34

I think if you ignore or block her, she will be more suspicious, at least I would be in her position. In your position, I'd want to respond along these lines.
'Hi Xxxx, the only relationship I have with your husband is purely professional. We do need to communicate regularly, that is how we have to work together. Please speak to him about your concerns. I'm in a stable relationship and have absolutely no interest in having a personal relationship with a married man. I hope this clears up any misunderstanding, Regards....'

I wouldn't say anything like you're offended

YRGAM · 10/06/2022 22:34

I think you really need to block her right now. Her actions are scary

potteringinmysocks · 10/06/2022 22:35

Her mind is in overdrive thinking alsorts. Not replying will make that worse.

Just send a message saying

"apologies, only called him once which was me replying to a missed call. I have no interest in your husband, we just work together. Your message is insulting does not look good on your husband professionally. Don't contact me again thank you. "

Aquamarine1029 · 10/06/2022 22:35

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/06/2022 22:33

pick up - honestly silence and acting weird makes you look guilty. You have nothing to worry about or be shamed about- “nope not me” is all you need to say.

This is how I feel. I wouldn't be able to just do nothing and not defend myself. I would tell her the truth, very quickly, very firmly, and I would tell her to never contact you again. Ever. Then I'd block her.

Hearwego · 10/06/2022 22:35

He got her pregnant on their second date and the child is only six months and they are already married?.. Ok…Seems they moved fast..

It sounds a bit of a weird marriage to me personally , and maybe she’s insecure or a bit strange herself…

potteringinmysocks · 10/06/2022 22:36

Then screenshot her message and your message and send it to him with a note saying, "you need to sort this please."

Hearwego · 10/06/2022 22:37

Just to add aswell, the basis is of their relationship doesn’t sound very strong anyway…

SleepingStandingUp · 10/06/2022 22:38

JimmyShoo · 10/06/2022 22:16

I don’t think this was meant for me, I am your husband’s colleague and our relationship is a professional one only.

Yes this would be my approach too.

Arnaquer · 10/06/2022 22:39

I'd have answered and put her straight. Not answering makes it look like you have something to hide

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/06/2022 22:39

Her mind is in overdrive thinking alsorts. Not replying will make that worse 100%

BlueMoone · 10/06/2022 22:40

I replied because I showed my partner and he said I should squash it.

"You must have the wrong idea - I only know your husband in a purely professional capacity, I am in a happy long term relationship please don't contact me again."

I then went to text my colleague the screenshot and I think I am blocked from his phone?? His picture is no longer showing and it's only on one tick?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 10/06/2022 22:41

BlueMoone · 10/06/2022 22:40

I replied because I showed my partner and he said I should squash it.

"You must have the wrong idea - I only know your husband in a purely professional capacity, I am in a happy long term relationship please don't contact me again."

I then went to text my colleague the screenshot and I think I am blocked from his phone?? His picture is no longer showing and it's only on one tick?

His batshit wife made him block you.

1smallhamsterfoot · 10/06/2022 22:41

I would screenshot and send to him with a question mark

flightofthesevenmillionbumblebees · 10/06/2022 22:41

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 10/06/2022 22:34

I think if you ignore or block her, she will be more suspicious, at least I would be in her position. In your position, I'd want to respond along these lines.
'Hi Xxxx, the only relationship I have with your husband is purely professional. We do need to communicate regularly, that is how we have to work together. Please speak to him about your concerns. I'm in a stable relationship and have absolutely no interest in having a personal relationship with a married man. I hope this clears up any misunderstanding, Regards....'

I wouldn't say anything like you're offended

I think this is the perfect response 👍

Aquamarine1029 · 10/06/2022 22:41

Your next work day will be interesting.

dancingdaisies · 10/06/2022 22:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

Mamapep · 10/06/2022 22:42

Good response OP.

EmilyBolton · 10/06/2022 22:43

Do not respond to her. Block her number if she contacted from different number

then sit down and write a formal letter to your coworker.

explain what happened, include a picture of the screen shot. Then state
that he is in breach of GDPR/data protection act by giving your number without your consent to his wife, or allowing your information to be breached by not controlling it.

state in the letter that you expect him to take immediate action to close this breach by deleting your details from any device his wife has access to. And that a repeat occurrence of her communicating with you will mean you will need to report the breach to the company contracting you both and ICO. Include the link to
ico.org.uk/for-organisations/report-a-breach/

State that you wish to continue your professional relationship to complete your assignments to the best of your abilities, and that you will, at this stage, assume he was unaware of the breach and therefore will deal with it and you can continue to complete your contract in a mutually respectful way

thank him for his immediate attention in dealing with this issue

sign, make sure it is dated. Hand it to him as soon as you see him next

. Then find a reason to leave him with it on his own for say 30 mins or so to digest. when you see him next ask him if he wants to discuss it further or just move on.

Companies or individuals can be fined large amounts for breches- he will hopefully figure this out and deal with his wife in whatever way is best given the risk to his professional career she has put him in.

Idroppedthescrewinthetuna · 10/06/2022 22:44

BlueMoone · 10/06/2022 22:40

I replied because I showed my partner and he said I should squash it.

"You must have the wrong idea - I only know your husband in a purely professional capacity, I am in a happy long term relationship please don't contact me again."

I then went to text my colleague the screenshot and I think I am blocked from his phone?? His picture is no longer showing and it's only on one tick?

I think you did the right thing.
Colleague may have just blocked you to 'keep the peace. Any messages to him from you will cause more aggro.
She is either seriously unhinged, he has wound her up telling her he is working with an attractive woman (to make her jealous) or he is a serial cheat and she is broken to the point she is lashing out.

Hope next week is ok for you and this doesn't have an impact on your work.

FirstFallopians · 10/06/2022 22:44

I’d show him when you next saw him in work as a courtesy.

She’s insane crossing that boundary given her DH is freelance. Who wants to hire a contractor who brings drama and angst with them when they could go with someone else? She’s risking completely ruining his reputation.

Prinnny · 10/06/2022 22:46

Perfect response now block her, that’s enough batshit for one evening.

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