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Original poster

Just had a WhatsApp from my colleagues wife

714 replies

BlueMoone · 10/06/2022 22:07

I work in a freelance creative industry (TV production) where I will be contracted on a project for a finite amount of time. My current role is 16 weeks and I'm 6 weeks in. I'm self employed and very very pleased to have the contract as sometimes I go a couple of months between contracts and have to budget to make the money stretch the whole year. Being self employed I don't get holiday pay or anything like that (just demonstrating how precious the work is to me.)

My role involves being paired with another freelance professional and the two of us work together in an edit suite reporting to senior members of staff but essentially it's just the two of us for the vast majority of the day.

This job was the first time I had met this guy, usually you work with people on the circuit but I hadn't come across him before. We get in great, he's 15 years older than me but seems young in his outlook and we have enjoyed chatting and having a laugh at work.

He told me about how he met his wife online and got her pregnant on their second date and now they're married and their child is about six months old. FWIW I live with my long term partner. He would sometimes tell me how his wife and he would argue but always in a jokey tone, he probably did share too much but not just about his relationship about loads of stuff - mostly just idle chat as we worked.

This evening I have received a WhatsApp from his wife (must have taken my number from his phone) telling me to stop calling him, he's a married man and he has a child and I need to back off and stay away from her husband. I had a missed call from him yesterday evening, called back assuming a work thing and he didn't pick up. Wasn't mentioned at work today I didn't think anything of it.

What do I reply? I don't want things to be awkward at work and don't want to put my job in jeopardy by giving the impression at work we are not being professional. We are doing a good job with good feedback. Should I message my colleague and tell him?

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueMoone · 10/06/2022 23:00

@diningiswest I get 10% on top of my agreed "rate" so really it all feels like part of my wages, what I was trying to convert is when I'm not working I'm not being paid and there are plenty of weeks of the year when that's the case.

OP posts:
diningiswest · 10/06/2022 23:00

@MorrisZapp wrap parties are for sleeping with the crew

redhoodred1 · 10/06/2022 23:01

BlueMoone · 10/06/2022 22:59

She's replied saying:

"Stop calling him you're blocked. He will be requesting a new job partner from Monday."

This is the worst thing if he actually does this because it's going to imply I'm difficult to work with or something to the powers that be - I want to send an email over the weekend now to explain but either way now I look like some sort of trouble maker possibly even a marriage wrecker and this is not the case at all. Feel like crying.

This is awful I’m so sorry!!! I would send an email now giving a heads up and providing the screenshots and call logs to show she called. If he does it first you will come out worse!

make it clear that you are in a happy long term relationship

diningiswest · 10/06/2022 23:01

This is insane. She is mad and not helping his career. Contact your PM now

MigsandTiggs · 10/06/2022 23:02

StarDolphins · 10/06/2022 22:17

I would message her back & say you were returning his call and trust you don’t appreciate her insinuating it’s anything other than a professional work relationship and to not text you again.

This. This type of behaviour really annoys me as the beef should be with the DH/DP. I always told my husband that if he ever played away I would be angry at him only as he was the one who had made the commitment to me, not the OW.😡

redhoodred1 · 10/06/2022 23:02

MigsandTiggs · 10/06/2022 23:02

This. This type of behaviour really annoys me as the beef should be with the DH/DP. I always told my husband that if he ever played away I would be angry at him only as he was the one who had made the commitment to me, not the OW.😡

Show quote history

Yes, it’s infuriating!!!

cushio · 10/06/2022 23:04

redhoodred1 · 10/06/2022 22:54

I think it’s crystal clear that he has cheated in the past, otherwise she wouldn’t over react like this and he wouldn’t have blocked you. She should kick him to the kerb and stop harassing other women honestly 🙄

Or maybe he's currently having an affair, his wife has realised but has the wrong woman??

Sandra1984 · 10/06/2022 23:04

@BlueMoone He told me about how he met his wife online and got her pregnant on their second date and now they're married and their child is about six months old.

This is a crazy couple that loves drama and disfunction. God knows what he's told her. Don't get sucked up in other peoples dysfunctional lives. The moment you tell that work partner of yours about the wife's call he's going to tell you all his marital problems and "how crazy his wife is". You will be suck into heir drama. "Boundaries", that magic word...

Christinatherabbit · 10/06/2022 23:04

EmilyBolton · 10/06/2022 22:43

Do not respond to her. Block her number if she contacted from different number

then sit down and write a formal letter to your coworker.

explain what happened, include a picture of the screen shot. Then state
that he is in breach of GDPR/data protection act by giving your number without your consent to his wife, or allowing your information to be breached by not controlling it.

state in the letter that you expect him to take immediate action to close this breach by deleting your details from any device his wife has access to. And that a repeat occurrence of her communicating with you will mean you will need to report the breach to the company contracting you both and ICO. Include the link to
ico.org.uk/for-organisations/report-a-breach/

State that you wish to continue your professional relationship to complete your assignments to the best of your abilities, and that you will, at this stage, assume he was unaware of the breach and therefore will deal with it and you can continue to complete your contract in a mutually respectful way

thank him for his immediate attention in dealing with this issue

sign, make sure it is dated. Hand it to him as soon as you see him next

. Then find a reason to leave him with it on his own for say 30 mins or so to digest. when you see him next ask him if he wants to discuss it further or just move on.

Companies or individuals can be fined large amounts for breches- he will hopefully figure this out and deal with his wife in whatever way is best given the risk to his professional career she has put him in.

This!

FabFitFifties · 10/06/2022 23:04

JimmyShoo · 10/06/2022 22:16

I don’t think this was meant for me, I am your husband’s colleague and our relationship is a professional one only.

This and then block

Wombat100 · 10/06/2022 23:06

@redhoodred1 yes!! So cringey. Just seems very bunny boiler doesn’t it. Poor OP, I feel for you.

OutDamnedSpot · 10/06/2022 23:06

No. Don’t engage any further with her. Your text was perfect. Just ignore her now.

Instead, email your line manager with a calm, factual outline (none of the detail of your OP about their relationship or what you talk about, simply that you work with X, have no interest in him beyond a professional relationship and have received these messages tonight), then leave it to your bosses to deal with.

You haven’t done anything wrong. It’s not your job to ‘fix’ it now.

redhoodred1 · 10/06/2022 23:06

When my ex was speaking to someone behind my back, I messaged her to find out What was going on. She was lovely, and had no idea he was with me. She ended up sending me screenshots of the entire conversation, he was furious, and we said a really nice and friendly goodbye to each other. We literally had such a lovely chat that I felt less upset by the end of it.
He was the one who could eat dog shit, and to me, you have been as she was. Polite, open, cordial and have attempted to put her mind at ease.

janesmithsdog · 10/06/2022 23:07

I think your message to him was perfect, OP. I think just keep your head down, work hard and avoid drama with either of them as much as you can. Shut conversations down and just get on with the job.

TheBigPeach · 10/06/2022 23:07

I would ring her phone again but ask your partner to speak to her and tell her to cop on that she has completely the wrong idea. She might be more inclined to believe him if she realises you have told him everything.

Mariposista · 10/06/2022 23:08

Unless he has a shady past you don’t know about, she sounds crazy and insecure. To react like that over one missed call, from someone who directly in your work team? Pathetic. Their marriage won’t last.

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 10/06/2022 23:08

I’m assuming you’re an edit producer and he’s an editor? You have to work closely together and no one in the industry will assume you’ve shagged him / blacklist you based on the information you’ve given.

Don’t get dramatic / feed the drama

Ignore her text. Tell him about it in the privacy of the suite, crack on with the job and never mention it again.

Oh and that person you refer to? She absolutely did work again. I employed her!

janesmithsdog · 10/06/2022 23:09

Sorry, missed your update.
I wouldn’t reply again. Block the pair of them and just keep your head down at work next week. I’m really sorry this is happening to you.

Hollywolly1 · 10/06/2022 23:09

ElenaSt · 10/06/2022 22:10

No. Wait until you see him.

I don't use WhatsApp so don't know how it works but I would reply you the wife and say that was the message meant doe you as you are only working h with husband in a professional work capacity and environment and have no interest in him outside of work.

This^^ffs you are working and trying to make a living,I wonder is he allowed go to the shop

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 10/06/2022 23:10

BlueMoone · 10/06/2022 22:59

She's replied saying:

"Stop calling him you're blocked. He will be requesting a new job partner from Monday."

This is the worst thing if he actually does this because it's going to imply I'm difficult to work with or something to the powers that be - I want to send an email over the weekend now to explain but either way now I look like some sort of trouble maker possibly even a marriage wrecker and this is not the case at all. Feel like crying.

You need to get in first and make sure you speak to your bosses before him.

ReneBumsWombats · 10/06/2022 23:11

In no universe will your clients start messing with the project and their staff because someone's paranoid, evidence-free wife thought they were getting it on. He might end up quitting the project but that's his issue.

Put it out of your mind and don't engage any further. She can have the last word with you. Turn up at work and do your job.

Original poster
BlueMoone · 10/06/2022 23:13

@YellowAndGreenToBeSeen Yes you have the job roles right- I can't really leave it and mention it to him in the suite if she's making him email the PM requesting a new producer though.

I'm mates with a girl who hasn't worked since a wrap party incident I'm sure there's more than one!

OP posts:
HangingOver · 10/06/2022 23:14

Yikes she sounds bonkers

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 10/06/2022 23:16

BlueMoone · 10/06/2022 22:59

She's replied saying:

"Stop calling him you're blocked. He will be requesting a new job partner from Monday."

This is the worst thing if he actually does this because it's going to imply I'm difficult to work with or something to the powers that be - I want to send an email over the weekend now to explain but either way now I look like some sort of trouble maker possibly even a marriage wrecker and this is not the case at all. Feel like crying.

As IF! Doesn’t happen in telly production. Never had an editor request a new edit producer in 25 years.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/06/2022 23:19

BlueMoone · 10/06/2022 22:59

She's replied saying:

"Stop calling him you're blocked. He will be requesting a new job partner from Monday."

This is the worst thing if he actually does this because it's going to imply I'm difficult to work with or something to the powers that be - I want to send an email over the weekend now to explain but either way now I look like some sort of trouble maker possibly even a marriage wrecker and this is not the case at all. Feel like crying.

You need to head this off and hold your head high.

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