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Original poster

I stayed over.

427 replies

hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 10:56

Third date on Saturday
He insisted I stayed over instead of Uber home - I was happy as night had gone well
No sex

Had been talking 6-8 weeks

He had worked away in the middle so did not see each other then

He said 'see you soon' when I left in the morning and all seemed fairly normal from my point of view. I left about 10am on Sunday

NC from him since I left. Did text yesterday to hope his work day had went well but no response

Bad sign?

For context he is a 'bad texter' and frequently leaves 12-24 hours with text replies and will respond something thoughful. I suppose I probably just feel sensitive as we cuddled and kissed the whole night - but we have never spoken about anything heavy / exclusive / had intercourse. I was happy with way things were going

I seen anti depressants in his bathroom which is no problem for me - but makes me think I should go easy on him and not jump to conclusions about his contact style

OP posts:
Aprilx · 23/05/2022 11:15

It doesn’t sound like anything has changed with his texting style, so I am not sure I understand the issue.

But what does he insisted you stay mean?

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 11:18

Aprilx · 23/05/2022 11:15

It doesn’t sound like anything has changed with his texting style, so I am not sure I understand the issue.

But what does he insisted you stay mean?

I stay fairly close to him and he said it was pointless to get an Uber now as it was 1am and I should just stay over. I did think twice as I had no intention in staying over - but as the night had gone well and I fancied him I stayed.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 23/05/2022 11:19

It’s Monday morning, it’s been 24 hours since you saw him, that’s within his usual time frame for chatting. If you’d rather he was in touch more often generally then that’s a different thing.

Weirs saying he insisted you stay, surely you could have got an Uber if you’d wanted to. Do you mean it was his idea and you happily went along with it or he was threatening and you felt you had no choice?

It’s not clear what the issue is.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 11:23

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/05/2022 11:19

It’s Monday morning, it’s been 24 hours since you saw him, that’s within his usual time frame for chatting. If you’d rather he was in touch more often generally then that’s a different thing.

Weirs saying he insisted you stay, surely you could have got an Uber if you’d wanted to. Do you mean it was his idea and you happily went along with it or he was threatening and you felt you had no choice?

It’s not clear what the issue is.

It was his idea and I HAPPILY went along with it. I just had no intention of staying when I went round for the date - was not in my plans initially.

OP posts:
inmyslippers · 23/05/2022 11:24

I'd expect a text next day 🤷🏽‍♀️ you've messaged him now so balls in his court

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 11:26

inmyslippers · 23/05/2022 11:24

I'd expect a text next day 🤷🏽‍♀️ you've messaged him now so balls in his court

Yep this is usually my expectations. The fact I texted him and seen no reply this morning made me feel fairly worried I had been dumped?

OP posts:
Overthewine · 23/05/2022 11:59

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Overthewine · 23/05/2022 11:59

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Afterfire · 23/05/2022 12:04

Are you feeling a bit disappointed there was no sex? That’s how it reads a bit to me, like you’re surprised and are now seeking reassurance he does still like you?

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 12:06

Afterfire · 23/05/2022 12:04

Are you feeling a bit disappointed there was no sex? That’s how it reads a bit to me, like you’re surprised and are now seeking reassurance he does still like you?

We did not have contraception so decided not to - I think we were both surprised at how well physically we got on. I told him I did not want to have sex without condom. X

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 12:08

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

I think he is a big overthinker. I am also thinking he may know I seen the medication in the bathroom and maybe he is over thinking that? (i have no issue with it but he had not discussed his mental health with me or shared anything)

OP posts:
CharlotteRose90 · 23/05/2022 12:19

I’m sorry but I think he’s not got In touch because you didn’t have sex. Especially if you said no as no condom. Could be wrong but that’s the way it goes at the minute. I don’t think it’s his mental health at all.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 12:20

CharlotteRose90 · 23/05/2022 12:19

I’m sorry but I think he’s not got In touch because you didn’t have sex. Especially if you said no as no condom. Could be wrong but that’s the way it goes at the minute. I don’t think it’s his mental health at all.

But we didnt have a condom? Surely it would have been stupid for us to have sex without it

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 12:20

CharlotteRose90 · 23/05/2022 12:19

I’m sorry but I think he’s not got In touch because you didn’t have sex. Especially if you said no as no condom. Could be wrong but that’s the way it goes at the minute. I don’t think it’s his mental health at all.

... and risky for him too?

OP posts:
SunshineAndFizz · 23/05/2022 12:34

Could just be within his normal timeframe for replying (although I'd have expected to hear something back from a bloke by the Sunday night if he was interested).

Balls in his court, if you don't hear anything back by tomorrow I'd assume he's not interested (personally I'd like to know for sure, so that point I'd message and say if you don't want to pursue things can you let me know so I'm not wasting my time wondering).

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 12:38

SunshineAndFizz · 23/05/2022 12:34

Could just be within his normal timeframe for replying (although I'd have expected to hear something back from a bloke by the Sunday night if he was interested).

Balls in his court, if you don't hear anything back by tomorrow I'd assume he's not interested (personally I'd like to know for sure, so that point I'd message and say if you don't want to pursue things can you let me know so I'm not wasting my time wondering).

Yep that was my thoughts. I dont think hes a ghoster so i am sure he will say something but i doubt it will be positive

OP posts:
Knittingchamp · 23/05/2022 12:40

hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 12:20

... and risky for him too?

Show quote history

I think the suggestion is that he wanted to have sex, and also doesn't want to bother with contraception, and you made clear that sex without contraception wasn't on the table, so he's cooled off because that's all he was after in the first place. I hope not! I hope he's just taking time to reply, but if he does cool off suddenly, you've massively dodged a bullet!

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 12:43

@Knittingchamp surely no sane man would have sex with a relative stranger without contraception though? If a man was to bail because of that its disgusting really

OP posts:
Sunnygirl1 · 23/05/2022 12:43

When I was dating my husband (we lived in different countries then) we had an agreement on a maximum/the latest messaging time.

We agreed to message/have a video call every day between 19:00-20:00 his time 21:00- 22:00 my time every day.

If any of us was busy and had other plans, we would tell each other in advance we wouldn't be available that evening.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 12:45

Sunnygirl1 · 23/05/2022 12:43

When I was dating my husband (we lived in different countries then) we had an agreement on a maximum/the latest messaging time.

We agreed to message/have a video call every day between 19:00-20:00 his time 21:00- 22:00 my time every day.

If any of us was busy and had other plans, we would tell each other in advance we wouldn't be available that evening.

That sounds like a good idea. I messaged him about 5/6 yesterday

OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 23/05/2022 12:46

"surely no sane man would have sex with a relative stranger without contraception though? If a man was to bail because of that its disgusting really"

Well yes, if that's the result then thank your lucky stars he showed his true colours from the off and be glad it didn't go any further OP

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 12:49

YukoandHiro · 23/05/2022 12:46

"surely no sane man would have sex with a relative stranger without contraception though? If a man was to bail because of that its disgusting really"

Well yes, if that's the result then thank your lucky stars he showed his true colours from the off and be glad it didn't go any further OP

Tbh I do not know if I fully believe a man who said he had no condoms whatsoever when he invited a girl over he had known for a couple of months?

OP posts:
Aboutdamntime · 23/05/2022 12:51

Yes I was going to say I am surprised he didn’t have a packet of condoms in his home when he was going out with you that evening and he knew there was a possibility you would come back to his.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 12:52

Aboutdamntime · 23/05/2022 12:51

Yes I was going to say I am surprised he didn’t have a packet of condoms in his home when he was going out with you that evening and he knew there was a possibility you would come back to his.

Yep - its not like it was a first date and he could have been all unprepared. It had been planned all week. I have never had that happen before?

OP posts:
Finalcountdowntoourtripaway · 23/05/2022 12:53

Some antidepressants can affext a man's ability.. Now the time is getting closer to have sex maybe he is anxious and wondering about messaging you.. Don't write him off. Like you said no condom was a genuine reason also.