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Original poster

I stayed over.

427 replies

hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 10:56

Third date on Saturday
He insisted I stayed over instead of Uber home - I was happy as night had gone well
No sex

Had been talking 6-8 weeks

He had worked away in the middle so did not see each other then

He said 'see you soon' when I left in the morning and all seemed fairly normal from my point of view. I left about 10am on Sunday

NC from him since I left. Did text yesterday to hope his work day had went well but no response

Bad sign?

For context he is a 'bad texter' and frequently leaves 12-24 hours with text replies and will respond something thoughful. I suppose I probably just feel sensitive as we cuddled and kissed the whole night - but we have never spoken about anything heavy / exclusive / had intercourse. I was happy with way things were going

I seen anti depressants in his bathroom which is no problem for me - but makes me think I should go easy on him and not jump to conclusions about his contact style

OP posts:
Eelicks · 23/05/2022 21:12

Sorry OP, it's a real head fck when they do this. It sounds like he wasn't all that interested in pursuing a relationship but thought he may as well try and get a shg after the date. It won't have made a blind bit of difference that you didn't have sex with him, if you had this would still be the result but you'd probably be feeling a whole lot worse.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/05/2022 21:12

You are massively overthinking this, and the sheer number of messages you have posted on MN...

Leave the poor guy alone! Let him come to you. But back off, for God's sake... you sound desperate.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 21:16

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/05/2022 21:12

You are massively overthinking this, and the sheer number of messages you have posted on MN...

Leave the poor guy alone! Let him come to you. But back off, for God's sake... you sound desperate.

Thanks for your input.

My friends say i have actually unreacted by their standards. And they would have sent him a series of strongly worded texts.

OP posts:
Backtoblack1 · 23/05/2022 21:20

Very poor form on his part. You sound too nice for him x

Dancer47 · 23/05/2022 21:35

Sounds like his first sexual experience with you was an embarrassment and a failure from his point of view - he might feel negatively about himself because of it. The PE might be a common thing for him or it might have been the first time it happened. You may not hear from him as he might think everything is spoiled now and he wants to forget it and move on. I had this exact thing happen to me but not a few dates in - I saw this young man for 5 months before the first time we went to bed, and then that happened. I don't thibk he would have been able to have sex as he came immediately before we had even started. He never got in contact again and wouldn't take my calls.

Aprilx · 23/05/2022 21:37

hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 21:16

Thanks for your input.

My friends say i have actually unreacted by their standards. And they would have sent him a series of strongly worded texts.

Show quote history

I don’t think you have under reacted or over reacted. You have sent one text messages hardly an over reaction. And a series of strongly worded messages to somebody you have seen three times would seem like a complete over reaction to me. On that note, three dates in 6-8 weeks doesn’t really suggest there is a huge mutual attraction there. I was thinking you might hear back from him tonight, this time tomorrow with no news and I think that is it, for whatever reason.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 21:38

Dancer47 · 23/05/2022 21:35

Sounds like his first sexual experience with you was an embarrassment and a failure from his point of view - he might feel negatively about himself because of it. The PE might be a common thing for him or it might have been the first time it happened. You may not hear from him as he might think everything is spoiled now and he wants to forget it and move on. I had this exact thing happen to me but not a few dates in - I saw this young man for 5 months before the first time we went to bed, and then that happened. I don't thibk he would have been able to have sex as he came immediately before we had even started. He never got in contact again and wouldn't take my calls.

Oh @Dancer47 I am sorry 😔

The issue is I am going to have to see him
Soon at yoga class? So I am going to see him
Eventually.

Maybe I have underplayed the ED and not realised how upset he would be.

OP posts:
FullBush · 23/05/2022 21:38

Regardless of the reasons for not getting in touch:
~ he’s terrible at basic communication.
~ he’s got very little manners.
~ and/or he’s playing games.
~ and/or there is someone else / others.

Even if he replies now, he’s shown you who he is. A man who can’t get in touch and is going to wear down your self-esteem if you keep this up.

Also, the PE thing is a potential long term issue, especially if you’re not having reciprocated orgasms because he’s already shot his load before you’ve so much as touched him (excuse the vulgarity!)

whynotwhatknot · 23/05/2022 21:39

Reminds me of JIm from American pie-you sure hes not a virgin

Jaxinthebox · 23/05/2022 21:39

whether his PE was accidental or a regular occurrence is not the point here. He did it, has semi ghosted you and you are a bit peed off.

However, you gave him a hand job - did you get anything from him?

Id be saying thanks but no thanks to any further dates. If he can't message you within a couple of hours, especially after you have stayed over, he isn't the one for you.

And the whole 'you are stressed to the max' would make me run a mile.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 21:40

@Aprilx he was working abroad for four/five weeks of that time

OP posts:
peridito · 23/05/2022 21:41

GreenFingers that's a bit harsh . I don't think it's a question of "sheer number of messages",it's just that the OP has been responding to questions and comments so it's been an ongoing conversation .
I don't sense any desperation .

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 21:41

Jaxinthebox · 23/05/2022 21:39

whether his PE was accidental or a regular occurrence is not the point here. He did it, has semi ghosted you and you are a bit peed off.

However, you gave him a hand job - did you get anything from him?

Id be saying thanks but no thanks to any further dates. If he can't message you within a couple of hours, especially after you have stayed over, he isn't the one for you.

And the whole 'you are stressed to the max' would make me run a mile.

Nope just a vaginal rub. Not much,

OP posts:
RamSyder · 23/05/2022 21:44

Heaven help me if I’m ever single again, I can’t be doing with it if the comments are anything to go on. Genuine question…doesn’t anyone call and talk anymore? Yes I’m ancient, 50 and haven’t dated since I was 20

peridito · 23/05/2022 21:45

Early days though OP. Early days .

Trivester · 23/05/2022 21:48

What is important to you in a relationship? There are probably things that don’t bother you that others really care about, and things you care about a lot that other people will dismiss. It’s ok to want what you want from a relationship regardless of what other people might feel.

Not getting in touch after intimacy would make me question the relationship - it’s very important to me. I’m sure other people would find what I like a bit suffocating or too keen. That’s fine.

All this over thinking and speculation - I mean I get it because I’m a massive over thinker too. But I suppose what I’m trying to say is that it’s ok not to be ok with this level of contact, if you’re not.

I had a lot of angst filled encounters and relationships and then I met dh and it was just easy. Not because he was perfect, but because we were compatible in the ways that mattered to me.

mosside · 23/05/2022 21:48

Still no reply?

peridito · 23/05/2022 21:48

Funny you should say that Ram ,I'm old and male peers all ignore texts and phone when the mood moves them .

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 21:50

mosside · 23/05/2022 21:48

Still no reply?

No

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 21:50

peridito · 23/05/2022 21:45

Early days though OP. Early days .

True

OP posts:
peridito · 23/05/2022 21:50

I'm hoping they're chatting on the phone ....

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 21:51

RamSyder · 23/05/2022 21:44

Heaven help me if I’m ever single again, I can’t be doing with it if the comments are anything to go on. Genuine question…doesn’t anyone call and talk anymore? Yes I’m ancient, 50 and haven’t dated since I was 20

Its fucking endless
😂

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 21:51

peridito · 23/05/2022 21:50

I'm hoping they're chatting on the phone ....

I am chatting to my cat.

OP posts:
peridito · 23/05/2022 21:51

bugger !

Overthewine · 23/05/2022 21:52

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