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Original poster

I stayed over.

427 replies

hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 10:56

Third date on Saturday
He insisted I stayed over instead of Uber home - I was happy as night had gone well
No sex

Had been talking 6-8 weeks

He had worked away in the middle so did not see each other then

He said 'see you soon' when I left in the morning and all seemed fairly normal from my point of view. I left about 10am on Sunday

NC from him since I left. Did text yesterday to hope his work day had went well but no response

Bad sign?

For context he is a 'bad texter' and frequently leaves 12-24 hours with text replies and will respond something thoughful. I suppose I probably just feel sensitive as we cuddled and kissed the whole night - but we have never spoken about anything heavy / exclusive / had intercourse. I was happy with way things were going

I seen anti depressants in his bathroom which is no problem for me - but makes me think I should go easy on him and not jump to conclusions about his contact style

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 16:45

InFiveMins · 23/05/2022 16:43

Personally I don't think I'd be happy with the lack of messages from him, it doesn't sound as though he's that interested anyway if he is taking so long to reply generally. I think he's being rude - it would take 2 minutes to thank you for a nice evening and suggest another date or cool it off a bit. Leaving you hanging isn't nice.

Agreed

Maybe he has another woman

Who cares at this point. He doesnt seem to like me that much so its not like I have lost anything 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 16:46

If this guy has ghosted me - he is the second guy this year who has disappeared when I have not had intercourse with them.

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 16:51

InFiveMins · 23/05/2022 16:43

Personally I don't think I'd be happy with the lack of messages from him, it doesn't sound as though he's that interested anyway if he is taking so long to reply generally. I think he's being rude - it would take 2 minutes to thank you for a nice evening and suggest another date or cool it off a bit. Leaving you hanging isn't nice.

He did thank me when I was leaving for a nice evening and also said 'see you soon'. But he must know I will be a bit miffed at his lack of contact yesterday and today?

I seen some woman on tiktok say that men 'pull away' after intimacy like this and leave them be and they come back. Not sure I want to be posting on Mumsnet for advice next weekend if he does the same thing again

OP posts:
HimalayanSnowcock · 23/05/2022 17:01

If he's got anxiety maybe he is feeling overwhelmed by what happened? I know when I met my DP I was. When I feel like that I tend to shut down a bit and become rubbish at communicating.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 17:09

HimalayanSnowcock · 23/05/2022 17:01

If he's got anxiety maybe he is feeling overwhelmed by what happened? I know when I met my DP I was. When I feel like that I tend to shut down a bit and become rubbish at communicating.

Overwhelmed by PE? Or just the increased intimacy in general?
It was him leading it all to be fair

I am very surprised he has been not in contact now

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 17:11

HimalayanSnowcock · 23/05/2022 17:01

If he's got anxiety maybe he is feeling overwhelmed by what happened? I know when I met my DP I was. When I feel like that I tend to shut down a bit and become rubbish at communicating.

I have been like that in the past too which is why I do not want to jump to conclusions or assumptions too much. But it all seems a bit like hard work this early on doesnt it?

I feel scared to text and say anything

I am just going to leave him to it

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 17:30

Aboutdamntime · 23/05/2022 13:12

Why do you think he’s married when you’ve just spent the night at his place?

He works abroad and had been there for a few weeks. He has a split post between UK and Europe. It would be easy for him to have a relationship elsewhere but nil to suggest that on social media.

OP posts:
toucancancan · 23/05/2022 17:48

Keep busy and go out tonight, even for a long walk leaving your phone at home. Waiting for a message and checking your phone makes it torturous.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 17:49

toucancancan · 23/05/2022 17:48

Keep busy and go out tonight, even for a long walk leaving your phone at home. Waiting for a message and checking your phone makes it torturous.

Thanks I will keep you posted.

Dating is so tough.

OP posts:
DatingDinosaur · 23/05/2022 17:50

I know you said he apologised for the PE incident but is it possible that he’s actually mortified that it happened in the first place, especially with it being non-sexual / accidental touch and is too embarrassed to reply so he could be sat cringing and assuming you're never going to want to see him again after that.

I know you also said you laughed it off and told him it wasn’t a problem but he might have interpreted your reaction differently if he was “fronting” his embarrassment about it at the time.

You don’t know if his lack of contact is because he’s reading far too much into your general “how was your day” chit-chat message - he might be seeing that as YOU giving HIM the slow fade.

Would it be worth sending one last text asking him about that?
He might find the conversation easier to have if you’re not face to face?
Especially if everything else was going okay / no red flags about him.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 17:55

DatingDinosaur · 23/05/2022 17:50

I know you said he apologised for the PE incident but is it possible that he’s actually mortified that it happened in the first place, especially with it being non-sexual / accidental touch and is too embarrassed to reply so he could be sat cringing and assuming you're never going to want to see him again after that.

I know you also said you laughed it off and told him it wasn’t a problem but he might have interpreted your reaction differently if he was “fronting” his embarrassment about it at the time.

You don’t know if his lack of contact is because he’s reading far too much into your general “how was your day” chit-chat message - he might be seeing that as YOU giving HIM the slow fade.

Would it be worth sending one last text asking him about that?
He might find the conversation easier to have if you’re not face to face?
Especially if everything else was going okay / no red flags about him.

I prefer to have serious chats about things face to face - and use texting for touching base. I do not feel it would be appropriate to bring it up in a message? I am not sure what I would say if I messaged again and I would not want to go down the angry line as he is entitled to change his mind if I stayed over. Of course he is. I am just disappointed at his silence.

When I seen my phone this morning I actually sighed out loud and just shook my head.

If he does not want to see me again as he cannot face me because of this then so be it. He could be upset about it but he presents as an independent and confident guy with good boundaries. I got no markers of ongoing mental health issues (he was nervous before first date but fairly normal chat)

No red flags otherwise except the texting

OP posts:
Overthewine · 23/05/2022 18:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 18:07

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Not at all - I didnt even mention it. I just said 'its totally fine' 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 18:08

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

I actually burst out laughing reading that back. How proper.

I wanked him off. There you go.

OP posts:
mosside · 23/05/2022 18:55

I'm invested here, I like the OP. I hope he texts or you find someone else you like

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 18:57

mosside · 23/05/2022 18:55

I'm invested here, I like the OP. I hope he texts or you find someone else you like

Yes will keep yous posted ladies

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

OP posts:
Bloodyel · 23/05/2022 19:08

Have rtft and have to say it does seem odd generally but not completely strange due to his communication style over time. As others have said , I personally wouldn't be happy to be left guessing so early in the relationship.

Kitten2 · 23/05/2022 19:09

You know I was thinking about this earlier.
My guy (who I've actually just ended it with) would be a bit weird via messages. And go a while without messaging. And we'd sometimes lose the flow a bit.

I'd send a sexy message - usually a picture of me in underwear smiling - he'd reply and it would feel like lighter, flirty conversation. Rather than feeling a bit annoyed with him because he hadn't responded to my boring question for a day.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 19:13

Bloodyel · 23/05/2022 19:08

Have rtft and have to say it does seem odd generally but not completely strange due to his communication style over time. As others have said , I personally wouldn't be happy to be left guessing so early in the relationship.

Its odd. I am starting to think potentially OW. If there is she does not live in his flat though; it had that classical bachelor damp dog smell in the bathroom that I can only relate to having lived with men.

Mind you does the PE mean he had not had sex for sometime? I have never had a man do that. He did not make a noise and tried to cover it up that he had ejaculated. I only knew because it was wet (TMI) it was obviously he had orgasmed from the HJ.

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 19:14

Kitten2 · 23/05/2022 19:09

You know I was thinking about this earlier.
My guy (who I've actually just ended it with) would be a bit weird via messages. And go a while without messaging. And we'd sometimes lose the flow a bit.

I'd send a sexy message - usually a picture of me in underwear smiling - he'd reply and it would feel like lighter, flirty conversation. Rather than feeling a bit annoyed with him because he hadn't responded to my boring question for a day.

Heavens @Kitten2 I hope its not the same guy.

OP posts:
Lochjeda · 23/05/2022 19:23

That would be it for me, not replying to my message after I messaged last night for this long Id take as he's just not that into me. Coupled with the PE, I'd be out. You deserve to be treated and communicated better with than this after intimacy like that took place.

Lochjeda · 23/05/2022 19:25

Kitten2 · 23/05/2022 19:09

You know I was thinking about this earlier.
My guy (who I've actually just ended it with) would be a bit weird via messages. And go a while without messaging. And we'd sometimes lose the flow a bit.

I'd send a sexy message - usually a picture of me in underwear smiling - he'd reply and it would feel like lighter, flirty conversation. Rather than feeling a bit annoyed with him because he hadn't responded to my boring question for a day.

If he can't reply to her text, he most certainly doesn't deserve a picture of her in her underwear.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 19:25

Lochjeda · 23/05/2022 19:23

That would be it for me, not replying to my message after I messaged last night for this long Id take as he's just not that into me. Coupled with the PE, I'd be out. You deserve to be treated and communicated better with than this after intimacy like that took place.

No I agree. Mental health issues or not.

What do I do?

Is silence the best response

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 19:30

A few people have asked about red flags -

I am actually thinking about something.

I have a very very stressful job (I work hard and I get paid very well for it) but it is very stressful. I explained how I cope with it - I said I use NLP techniques, gym, wild swimming, meditation and out source some house work (laundrette etc for uniform). Anyway he said to me dead pan...

'You are stressed. You cannot keep up with this'.

I was like ?

I told him I had done my profession for 11 years, I had been promoted to partner in my early 30s (unusual) but I am more than capable. He said 'you should take a six month sabatical to process the stress'. I was like ?

So maybe on reflection that is a bit weird. I was like I am fine and he seemed fixated on the fact I was a woman on the edge.

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 19:31

(I am not on the edge - but I work very hard on my physical and mental health so I can remain that way)

OP posts:
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