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Original poster

I stayed over.

427 replies

hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 10:56

Third date on Saturday
He insisted I stayed over instead of Uber home - I was happy as night had gone well
No sex

Had been talking 6-8 weeks

He had worked away in the middle so did not see each other then

He said 'see you soon' when I left in the morning and all seemed fairly normal from my point of view. I left about 10am on Sunday

NC from him since I left. Did text yesterday to hope his work day had went well but no response

Bad sign?

For context he is a 'bad texter' and frequently leaves 12-24 hours with text replies and will respond something thoughful. I suppose I probably just feel sensitive as we cuddled and kissed the whole night - but we have never spoken about anything heavy / exclusive / had intercourse. I was happy with way things were going

I seen anti depressants in his bathroom which is no problem for me - but makes me think I should go easy on him and not jump to conclusions about his contact style

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 12:53

Aboutdamntime · 23/05/2022 12:51

Yes I was going to say I am surprised he didn’t have a packet of condoms in his home when he was going out with you that evening and he knew there was a possibility you would come back to his.

Either that or he is already married / in relationship and bottled it at the actual PIV

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 12:55

Finalcountdowntoourtripaway · 23/05/2022 12:53

Some antidepressants can affext a man's ability.. Now the time is getting closer to have sex maybe he is anxious and wondering about messaging you.. Don't write him off. Like you said no condom was a genuine reason also.

It is true - he could be over thinking everything? The anti depressant he was prescribed is a second line for anxiety / ocd also - which is why I am giving benefit of the doubt

OP posts:
Flyinggeese1234 · 23/05/2022 13:09

Hi OP I think there’s a lot of guessing going in now, re the condom point, or antidepressants or has he cooled off etc. That’s when things can escalate in our minds!

The truth is nobody knows. How keen are you to see him again? Can you distract yourself for a bit? I bet he does text.

Aboutdamntime · 23/05/2022 13:12

Why do you think he’s married when you’ve just spent the night at his place?

YRGAM · 23/05/2022 13:12

Relax, he'll reply before the end of the day.

Penguinwaddler · 23/05/2022 13:17

hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 12:55

It is true - he could be over thinking everything? The anti depressant he was prescribed is a second line for anxiety / ocd also - which is why I am giving benefit of the doubt

Show quote history

I think you may be overthinking it all a bit! But I completely understand where you're coming from and I'd feel the same. Spending the whole night with someone, being intimate but not having sex, can leave you feeling quite vulnerable (I did the same recently with someone I'd been dating for a few months and felt really emotionally exposed the next day and doubted whether he would be interested anymore, fortunately he was).

It's a shame he's not responded and it's easy to speculate and try to guess why he's behaving this way. But like someone else says, I expect he will get in touch at some point today :)

anotherdisaster · 23/05/2022 13:18

I would have expected a text by now, especially as you were intimate. However if he has not texted you by tonight then I would write him off. Even if he's a bad texter, it takes literally 2 mins or less to reply - especially since you spent the night. Try not to spend too much time analysing things, it can drive you mad.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 13:22

Flyinggeese1234 · 23/05/2022 13:09

Hi OP I think there’s a lot of guessing going in now, re the condom point, or antidepressants or has he cooled off etc. That’s when things can escalate in our minds!

The truth is nobody knows. How keen are you to see him again? Can you distract yourself for a bit? I bet he does text.

Its unhelpful to make too many assumptions I agree
And no one will know

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 13:22

@Penguinwaddler I really hope so - I really really like him x x x z

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 13:23

anotherdisaster · 23/05/2022 13:18

I would have expected a text by now, especially as you were intimate. However if he has not texted you by tonight then I would write him off. Even if he's a bad texter, it takes literally 2 mins or less to reply - especially since you spent the night. Try not to spend too much time analysing things, it can drive you mad.

I wont. I will keep you all posted by tonight.

OP posts:
Penguinwaddler · 23/05/2022 13:24

hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 13:22

@Penguinwaddler I really hope so - I really really like him x x x z

Got my fingers crossed for you :) if things do continue, perhaps see if you're happy with the level of communication/texting cos it can be tough when you have different styles of communication x

Kitten2 · 23/05/2022 13:24

He'll text you before the day is out.
It's a Monday. Mondays are busy.
Don't overthink.
I'm an over thinker too and would hate being in this situation too, but honestly from an outside opinion there is nothing to worry about yet.
If he's still not texted by tomorrow then yeah, time to jump to conclusions but right now it's ok.

motogirl · 23/05/2022 13:25

By this point my dp was calling every night when away on business. And on the third date he stayed over Wink. How about you contact him

CharlotteRose90 · 23/05/2022 13:26

hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 12:20

But we didnt have a condom? Surely it would have been stupid for us to have sex without it

Show quote history

I meant that’s why he’s gone funny with you. There are tons of guys that will quite happily sleep with someone without a condom as many don’t like them.

I hope I’m wrong and he messages but that’s what id be thinking, I’ve had the same happen to me before when I refused to sleep with a guy without a condom.

motogirl · 23/05/2022 13:28

Ps I had to raid DD's bedroom for supplies because we both forgot, it had been so long since either of us dated (long marriages) neither remembered contraception (my ex had the snip, his ex couldn't conceive without ivf)

Whoatealltheminieggs · 23/05/2022 13:30

If a man is interested you don’t have to remind him you’re alive. It was a bit too soon to stay over with a relative stranger, sex or not. He probably expected sex. Most men don’t like condoms and guess if you’re happy enough to go home with someone you don’t really know you’re probably happy enough to have unprotected sex. Now that you haven’t he’ll be weighing up how bothered he is about having another crack at it. Going by his lack of texting I’d say not very.

YukoandHiro · 23/05/2022 13:34

"If you’re happy enough to go home with someone you don’t really know you’re probably happy enough to have unprotected sex. "

I'm sorry, wtf is this sex shaming nonsense? There are lots of reasons why a woman might be up for sex but only in the circumstances that it's protected - most particularly when it's a new relationship!

Ffs.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 13:37

motogirl · 23/05/2022 13:25

By this point my dp was calling every night when away on business. And on the third date he stayed over Wink. How about you contact him

I did I messaged him yesterday early evening x

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 13:39

@Whoatealltheminieggs

Most men don’t like condoms and guess if you’re happy enough to go home with someone you don’t really know you’re probably happy enough to have unprotected sex.

😂

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 13:43

@CharlotteRose90

Sorry that happened to you. Might be happening to me right now who knows? I would not want to be with a guy like that anyway so he has done me a favour

OP posts:
ATadConfused · 23/05/2022 13:47

Whoatealltheminieggs · 23/05/2022 13:30

If a man is interested you don’t have to remind him you’re alive. It was a bit too soon to stay over with a relative stranger, sex or not. He probably expected sex. Most men don’t like condoms and guess if you’re happy enough to go home with someone you don’t really know you’re probably happy enough to have unprotected sex. Now that you haven’t he’ll be weighing up how bothered he is about having another crack at it. Going by his lack of texting I’d say not very.

You don't half read some utter shite on here.

@hairtwirl I'd be bothered (very bothered) not hearing from him when I'd slept over (sex or not). I hope you hear from him today. If not, better to find out niw he's a twat than later on!

lots of people will have sex without condoms or any contraception. But your very sensible choice not to, should sort the men from the boys. I'm surprised nothing sexual happened though, plenty to do without the risk of STIs/pregnancy. So I'd suggest he liked you enough to just cuddle if that's what you wanted.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 13:53

@ATadConfused yep - I suppose I will just wait and see. I am very confused as the sleep over he was very affectionate but not sleazy and just seemed genuinely attracted. So I am surprised I have heard zilch.

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 13:54

@ATadConfused and you are right - it would be better to find out now he was a ghosting weirdo before I had invested any more time or had sex with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 14:01

YukoandHiro · 23/05/2022 13:34

"If you’re happy enough to go home with someone you don’t really know you’re probably happy enough to have unprotected sex. "

I'm sorry, wtf is this sex shaming nonsense? There are lots of reasons why a woman might be up for sex but only in the circumstances that it's protected - most particularly when it's a new relationship!

Ffs.

I know. I would have had sex if he had a condom. He knows that too. So it did not cross my mind initally it was to do with condom-gate.

OP posts:
wellhelloitsme · 23/05/2022 14:02

Did he suggest going ahead without a condom then, or say he was happy too?