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Original poster

I stayed over.

427 replies

hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 10:56

Third date on Saturday
He insisted I stayed over instead of Uber home - I was happy as night had gone well
No sex

Had been talking 6-8 weeks

He had worked away in the middle so did not see each other then

He said 'see you soon' when I left in the morning and all seemed fairly normal from my point of view. I left about 10am on Sunday

NC from him since I left. Did text yesterday to hope his work day had went well but no response

Bad sign?

For context he is a 'bad texter' and frequently leaves 12-24 hours with text replies and will respond something thoughful. I suppose I probably just feel sensitive as we cuddled and kissed the whole night - but we have never spoken about anything heavy / exclusive / had intercourse. I was happy with way things were going

I seen anti depressants in his bathroom which is no problem for me - but makes me think I should go easy on him and not jump to conclusions about his contact style

OP posts:
Macbeth8 · 23/05/2022 19:37

Its obvious he is humiliated by the premature ejaculated. Sorry I think that must have been mortifying for him

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 19:42

Macbeth8 · 23/05/2022 19:37

Its obvious he is humiliated by the premature ejaculated. Sorry I think that must have been mortifying for him

I dont know - I dont think so? He didnt seem it?? Maybe I am naive??

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 23/05/2022 19:47

I'd say the PE is likely a permanent fixture. It's not brilliant in a partner IME. Do you feel like you got as good as you gave?

altmember · 23/05/2022 19:47

Well you already know he's a shit texter. Even the most poor of communicators wouldn't leave someone they were just getting going with on read for 24+hrs. That suggests lack of interest or ignorance. He does sound hard work in that respect.

However, by what you've told us, your message doesn't sound a whole load better either. Day after spending first night together your first (only?) message was simply to ask him if he's had a good day at work? You didn't mention the night before at all? Thanked him for letting you stay over, told him you enjoyed his company or similar?

It may well be that he's suffering from performance anxiety after 'going off' with such little stimulation, and your lack of mention of the evening might have knocked his self confidence even further? You already know from the meds that he's got some mental health issues. Although at least the PE suggests the antidepressants aren't stifling his desire.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 19:47

Wallywobbles · 23/05/2022 19:47

I'd say the PE is likely a permanent fixture. It's not brilliant in a partner IME. Do you feel like you got as good as you gave?

Well not really - because there is no chance I would orgasm in 10 seconds.

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 19:49

altmember · 23/05/2022 19:47

Well you already know he's a shit texter. Even the most poor of communicators wouldn't leave someone they were just getting going with on read for 24+hrs. That suggests lack of interest or ignorance. He does sound hard work in that respect.

However, by what you've told us, your message doesn't sound a whole load better either. Day after spending first night together your first (only?) message was simply to ask him if he's had a good day at work? You didn't mention the night before at all? Thanked him for letting you stay over, told him you enjoyed his company or similar?

It may well be that he's suffering from performance anxiety after 'going off' with such little stimulation, and your lack of mention of the evening might have knocked his self confidence even further? You already know from the meds that he's got some mental health issues. Although at least the PE suggests the antidepressants aren't stifling his desire.

I told him as I was leaving I had a lovely night. My message was light and flirty, no reference to previous night though you are right.

OP posts:
RitaFaircloughsWig · 23/05/2022 19:58

Why don't you have your own condoms?

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 19:59

RitaFaircloughsWig · 23/05/2022 19:58

Why don't you have your own condoms?

Did not think to bring as had no intention in staying over

OP posts:
DatingDinosaur · 23/05/2022 20:01

If I was in his shoes and ejaculated because of an accidental touch I’d be mortified and probably try to downplay it in some way. It’s good that he apologised about it but I really do wonder if, inside, he’s a cringing mess of shame and embarrassment.

Blokes are notoriously rubbish at talking feelings so I can quite imagine him apologising and pretending it was “nothing” just to save face then going into hiding (not texting) because he’s assuming you don’t want to be with a guy “who does that”.

If I was in your shoes I’d send him one last message asking him about it to give HIM the chance to talk – HE might find it less embarrassing to talk about that way. I know you said you prefer face to face communication (and I’m the same as a rule) but, on this occasion, given the circumstances of how things were going okay and you were both keen until the overnight stay, I’d give him a chance.

From what you’ve said, he doesn’t sound like the arseholes we read about so often on mumsnet so maybe cut him some slack and don’t tar him with the same brush?

On the other hand, it’s only been 3 dates and if you’re not that interested in him then, yeah, use his silence as the opportunity to let things fizzle out.

Jammydodger22 · 23/05/2022 20:13

@hairtwirl did you meet him online. Reading what you have written, I dont think this guy is very interested in all honesty. It may not be you and his interest may be limited due to his own mental health. But whatever the reason, he’s not interested as much as he should be. You have been chatting for a couple of months and met 3 times. He is sporadic with his texting and then after a nice intimate night together he hasn’t found time in 24 hours to send you even one msg. You can second guess him all day long but if you look at the facts, this isn’t going anywhere. Would you not rather meet someone who can’t wait to see you/speak to you? Also, if he does have issues with PE, you really don’t want to be getting into a relationship with him, unless you’re not bothered about a sex life, as it will eventually be soul destroying for you.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 20:16

Still no word. Having a glass of wine and putting my phone on flight.

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 20:17

Jammydodger22 · 23/05/2022 20:13

@hairtwirl did you meet him online. Reading what you have written, I dont think this guy is very interested in all honesty. It may not be you and his interest may be limited due to his own mental health. But whatever the reason, he’s not interested as much as he should be. You have been chatting for a couple of months and met 3 times. He is sporadic with his texting and then after a nice intimate night together he hasn’t found time in 24 hours to send you even one msg. You can second guess him all day long but if you look at the facts, this isn’t going anywhere. Would you not rather meet someone who can’t wait to see you/speak to you? Also, if he does have issues with PE, you really don’t want to be getting into a relationship with him, unless you’re not bothered about a sex life, as it will eventually be soul destroying for you.

No yoga class 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 20:21

DatingDinosaur · 23/05/2022 20:01

If I was in his shoes and ejaculated because of an accidental touch I’d be mortified and probably try to downplay it in some way. It’s good that he apologised about it but I really do wonder if, inside, he’s a cringing mess of shame and embarrassment.

Blokes are notoriously rubbish at talking feelings so I can quite imagine him apologising and pretending it was “nothing” just to save face then going into hiding (not texting) because he’s assuming you don’t want to be with a guy “who does that”.

If I was in your shoes I’d send him one last message asking him about it to give HIM the chance to talk – HE might find it less embarrassing to talk about that way. I know you said you prefer face to face communication (and I’m the same as a rule) but, on this occasion, given the circumstances of how things were going okay and you were both keen until the overnight stay, I’d give him a chance.

From what you’ve said, he doesn’t sound like the arseholes we read about so often on mumsnet so maybe cut him some slack and don’t tar him with the same brush?

On the other hand, it’s only been 3 dates and if you’re not that interested in him then, yeah, use his silence as the opportunity to let things fizzle out.

I will but I will do it tomorrow.

I hope he is OK 😔
Men with poor mental health make me worried - they never talk about their feelings and they isolate themselves loads
He is not like a typical jack the lad type

silence like this after such an amazing night makes me think it was a mirage. 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 20:23

DatingDinosaur · 23/05/2022 20:01

If I was in his shoes and ejaculated because of an accidental touch I’d be mortified and probably try to downplay it in some way. It’s good that he apologised about it but I really do wonder if, inside, he’s a cringing mess of shame and embarrassment.

Blokes are notoriously rubbish at talking feelings so I can quite imagine him apologising and pretending it was “nothing” just to save face then going into hiding (not texting) because he’s assuming you don’t want to be with a guy “who does that”.

If I was in your shoes I’d send him one last message asking him about it to give HIM the chance to talk – HE might find it less embarrassing to talk about that way. I know you said you prefer face to face communication (and I’m the same as a rule) but, on this occasion, given the circumstances of how things were going okay and you were both keen until the overnight stay, I’d give him a chance.

From what you’ve said, he doesn’t sound like the arseholes we read about so often on mumsnet so maybe cut him some slack and don’t tar him with the same brush?

On the other hand, it’s only been 3 dates and if you’re not that interested in him then, yeah, use his silence as the opportunity to let things fizzle out.

Thats the issue @DatingDinosaur I really really like him - I felt our dates have been amazing and had not fancied someone so much for ages

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 20:24

Jammydodger22 · 23/05/2022 20:13

@hairtwirl did you meet him online. Reading what you have written, I dont think this guy is very interested in all honesty. It may not be you and his interest may be limited due to his own mental health. But whatever the reason, he’s not interested as much as he should be. You have been chatting for a couple of months and met 3 times. He is sporadic with his texting and then after a nice intimate night together he hasn’t found time in 24 hours to send you even one msg. You can second guess him all day long but if you look at the facts, this isn’t going anywhere. Would you not rather meet someone who can’t wait to see you/speak to you? Also, if he does have issues with PE, you really don’t want to be getting into a relationship with him, unless you’re not bothered about a sex life, as it will eventually be soul destroying for you.

Can PE be a once off or is it usually an issue that prevails?

OP posts:
Onwards22 · 23/05/2022 20:28

He’s either annoyed that you didn’t have sex or embarrassed.

What was the actual message you sent?
I’m not usually for double texting but if he hasn’t replied later on, I’d send another text about meeting up again and see if he replies.

BTW you say he’s an over thinker but it sounds like you are too lol.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 20:30

Onwards22 · 23/05/2022 20:28

He’s either annoyed that you didn’t have sex or embarrassed.

What was the actual message you sent?
I’m not usually for double texting but if he hasn’t replied later on, I’d send another text about meeting up again and see if he replies.

BTW you say he’s an over thinker but it sounds like you are too lol.

Yes I am.

I sent example message as per PP

'I got croissant from bakery! Cat was so happy to see me and get fed. I decided not to go to X after all. How did you work go today?'

Something like that

(We had spoken about croissant as the bakery is beneath his flat - in reference to morning)

He does have a good mattress (memory foam) maybe I could ask if I can have a shot on it again. It was very nice 😂

OP posts:
BiscuitLover3678 · 23/05/2022 20:31

Op you’ve done nothing wrong. No brainer you didn’t have sex without a condom! Wait a day of so and see if he arranges something. If he really likes you this isn’t an issue.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 20:31

BiscuitLover3678 · 23/05/2022 20:31

Op you’ve done nothing wrong. No brainer you didn’t have sex without a condom! Wait a day of so and see if he arranges something. If he really likes you this isn’t an issue.

No one would shag a stranger without one these days? #monkeypox

OP posts:
BiscuitLover3678 · 23/05/2022 20:32

If he’s annoyed you didn’t have sex then this is a bad early sign. He may worry you don’t like him but that’s v unlikely if you were kissing and close all night.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 20:33

BiscuitLover3678 · 23/05/2022 20:32

If he’s annoyed you didn’t have sex then this is a bad early sign. He may worry you don’t like him but that’s v unlikely if you were kissing and close all night.

This is the thing @BiscuitLover3678 I think he knows we would have shagged if we had condom? So I find it hard to believe its entirely about the lack of sex

OP posts:
Jammydodger22 · 23/05/2022 20:48

@hairtwirl It can be a one off if it’s been a while or they are just that excited! But I think the anti depressants along with the PE make me think there’s more to it. A good friend of mine was with someone who had underlying depression and PE. You also usually find PE is connected to erectile dysfunction, she did a lot of reading up on it and eventually they split up as she said it was soul destroying. I know you seem to like him but in 2 months what has he actually added to your life? And now he’s ignored you since yesterday. Either he’s not interested or he’s just not emotionally available. Honestly, I would wish him well and move on.

WomanHere · 23/05/2022 20:54

On first glance I thought that this was another he’s just not that interested in you type thread. But having read the whole thread, I definitely think the silence is due to him orgasming with just a brush of the hand!! Most men would be embarrassed by this. If he does get back in touch I would love to know how the sex side of the relationship progresses.

WomanHere · 23/05/2022 20:56

Also, there is no way that he was put off by the mention of condoms. Sounds like they are a must for someone like him (sensitivity wise).

mosside · 23/05/2022 21:06

Totally agree that he's mortified about the PE. Also possibly didn't have a condom on purpose because he knew it would be an issue, he's worried you'll have gone off him

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