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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I stayed over.

427 replies

hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 10:56

Third date on Saturday
He insisted I stayed over instead of Uber home - I was happy as night had gone well
No sex

Had been talking 6-8 weeks

He had worked away in the middle so did not see each other then

He said 'see you soon' when I left in the morning and all seemed fairly normal from my point of view. I left about 10am on Sunday

NC from him since I left. Did text yesterday to hope his work day had went well but no response

Bad sign?

For context he is a 'bad texter' and frequently leaves 12-24 hours with text replies and will respond something thoughful. I suppose I probably just feel sensitive as we cuddled and kissed the whole night - but we have never spoken about anything heavy / exclusive / had intercourse. I was happy with way things were going

I seen anti depressants in his bathroom which is no problem for me - but makes me think I should go easy on him and not jump to conclusions about his contact style

OP posts:
inmyslippers · 25/05/2022 10:07

Well done OP. Kept your dignity and handled it really well. I'm proud of you!

Hope you feel okay about it.

^^ you handled that brilliantly op! Don't leave though, let him squirm

EmmaH2022 · 25/05/2022 10:09

hairtwirl · 25/05/2022 07:57

Why is be so fixated about being friends and seeing me again?

Show quote history

I'd think he wants to see you again because either he likes you, or you boost his ego in some way. Not that I'm an expert! 😂

i hope you don't have to find a new class.

MushyPeasPrincess · 25/05/2022 10:30

Laiste · 24/05/2022 14:03

No need for awkwardness at yoga OP. Bright and friendly. Life's too short and you sound too good for all this angst😃

And please ... at the next class, if he happens to have got there before you, say loudly

''Oh Hi there [name]. You've come early!'' And breeze into class 😅

GrinGrinGrin

Original poster
hairtwirl · 25/05/2022 10:36

@EmmaH2022 I doubt it. He is probably just saying that to absolve any wrong doing and make himself out to be the good guy. Also to try and get a leg over at yoga with another woman. Hopefully he will not ejaculate from being brushed by a hand.

OP posts:
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 25/05/2022 12:12

Definitely ignore and maybe find a new yoga class.

I ended things with a boyfriend a few weeks back (he was being an arse) and lo and behold he likes a photo of my brother and nephew on Instagram - obviously looking to worm his way back in, I just blocked and deleted him. Couldn't even be arsed to give him a piece of my mind as I did when I ended things.

Minoloso · 25/05/2022 13:56

What a pathetic worm he is. He is proper ick material.

VintageGibbon · 25/05/2022 14:20

Don't find a new yoga class. Let him do that. Why should you have the inconvenience?

Original poster
hairtwirl · 25/05/2022 14:38

Minoloso · 25/05/2022 13:56

What a pathetic worm he is. He is proper ick material.

He really is doll.

Now my body has had time to process its fairly clear what the little worm did / tried to do. I have little sympathy anymore.

Facts
He persued me
He continued messaging me when abroad
He invited me out on another date despite now 'feeling unsure'
He let me to stay over, he persued all physical intimacy and led on this
We did not have sex due to my sensible decision condom making
He ghosted me for 2/3 days after we had a very intimate night
He then dumped me by text
He is now pushing to be friends and meet up - for coffee or dinner

I am really starting to think he is married or has a long term live in partner abroad

He said he 'lodges' when he goes abroad at a friends but I now remember him saying he had bought some furnicture for it from IKEA. Surely if you are lodging at a mates when working abroad you do not have to buy a bed / sofa / lamp.

Does not matter anyway now - just trying to make myself feel better.

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 25/05/2022 14:39

VintageGibbon · 25/05/2022 14:20

Don't find a new yoga class. Let him do that. Why should you have the inconvenience?

Yep and I have actually been offered a job to teach there. Going to take it and he can fuck off and find somewhere else

OP posts:
Tirediam · 25/05/2022 16:12

Brilliant OP!! You’re a woman who knows what you want and what you deserve x

PaddleBoardingMomma · 25/05/2022 16:17

I've followed the thread from the start and I just want to say... OP is SLAYING ❤️ handling it like a pro, really wish I had been as switched on and self aware in my own dating days! It's actually so satisfying when op posts for advice, takes it on board and walks away with her head held high.

Weirdlynormal · 25/05/2022 17:15

I will totally understand if you don’t want to hang out with me now

and then doesn’t get it. Twat

Good on you OP, think you shocked him. Not as smart as he thinks.

CandyLeBonBon · 25/05/2022 18:31

Lucky escape op!

Finalcountdowntoourtripaway · 25/05/2022 19:43

Imo he likes female friends. Makes him feel like he has his own hareem when realistically he couldn't manage one!!
He was expecting you to beg to be in his life in whatever capacity he needed.... When you didn't he kept prodding you with cryptic messages.
Kick him to the kerb altogether op...

Theoldwoman · 27/05/2022 17:23

You have dodged a bullet OP!

Stay strong, you deserve the world.

Macbeth8 · 30/05/2022 19:13

What happened

moodybluetit · 04/06/2022 07:28

How's it going @hairtwirl? Did you take the job? Is he still in the class? Anyone else on the horizon?

Hairtwirl1 · 04/06/2022 10:03

So I could not get back into my account, had to create a new one!!

nothing much has happened since last posting. He asked my friend about me at yoga last Monday and thats about it. He seems adament he wishes to remain friends. I still dont understand any of it.
I turned my mac on and he had tried message past weekend - nothing heavy. Just hope your weekend is going ok.

anyway

I joined Bumble so spoke to a couple of guys - met one for a coffee last weekend, he was nice but no mutual spark.

Hairtwirl1 · 04/06/2022 10:04

moodybluetit · 04/06/2022 07:28

How's it going @hairtwirl? Did you take the job? Is he still in the class? Anyone else on the horizon?

Took the job and no
new matches on the horizon 🥲
this one feels like such a waste as it was going so well - until well; he ghosted me and dumped me by text 😂😂😂😂

MmeHennyPenny · 04/06/2022 11:42

If you are interested in an older lady’s opinion- I think you have handled this confusing situation, with a difficult (silly) man, brilliantly.
If you were my daughter I would be proud of you.
I hope you find someone worthy of you soon.

Hairtwirl1 · 04/06/2022 12:44

MmeHennyPenny · 04/06/2022 11:42

If you are interested in an older lady’s opinion- I think you have handled this confusing situation, with a difficult (silly) man, brilliantly.
If you were my daughter I would be proud of you.
I hope you find someone worthy of you soon.

Thank you so much!

Shitscared123 · 04/06/2022 16:48

Have you heard from him again??

MinnieJumbo · 04/06/2022 19:34

I just read the thread and also think you handled the whole situation with grace (and good humour!). Like bed your attitude about women helping women with experience and insight. Hope Bumble goes better for you.

Hairtwirl1 · 05/06/2022 21:05

Shitscared123 · 04/06/2022 16:48

Have you heard from him again??

Nope - I blocked him x x x

Hairtwirl1 · 05/06/2022 21:06

MinnieJumbo · 04/06/2022 19:34

I just read the thread and also think you handled the whole situation with grace (and good humour!). Like bed your attitude about women helping women with experience and insight. Hope Bumble goes better for you.

I had a really nice Bumble date with a guy who knows two of my friends today - so fingers crossed x x x