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Original poster

I stayed over.

427 replies

hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 10:56

Third date on Saturday
He insisted I stayed over instead of Uber home - I was happy as night had gone well
No sex

Had been talking 6-8 weeks

He had worked away in the middle so did not see each other then

He said 'see you soon' when I left in the morning and all seemed fairly normal from my point of view. I left about 10am on Sunday

NC from him since I left. Did text yesterday to hope his work day had went well but no response

Bad sign?

For context he is a 'bad texter' and frequently leaves 12-24 hours with text replies and will respond something thoughful. I suppose I probably just feel sensitive as we cuddled and kissed the whole night - but we have never spoken about anything heavy / exclusive / had intercourse. I was happy with way things were going

I seen anti depressants in his bathroom which is no problem for me - but makes me think I should go easy on him and not jump to conclusions about his contact style

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 14:08

wellhelloitsme · 23/05/2022 14:02

Did he suggest going ahead without a condom then, or say he was happy too?

Nope. He said he agreed. Was not pushy / cohersive / trying to change my mind in the slightest. This is why I am not convinced it was all about sex.

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 23/05/2022 14:09

OP reality is you’re going to get loads of different answers here from “wait a couple more days” to “he’s just not that into you because you didn’t shag him.”

Most people project their own thinking and experiences on to these situations.

TBH I would be disappointed if someone didn’t contact me for days at a time but I am a communicator and that style just wouldn’t work for me. But it’s all personal.

You say you didn’t have sex. Contrary to popular belief not all men are sex starved maniacs just after a shag before they move on. Ive spent the night with men (my ex DH and my current dp) without having sex with them and it didn’t matter because they were both decent human beings who didn’t push the issue,and we just slept together when the time was right.

Did anything else happen between you? I.e. could you tell whether he was aroused?

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 14:15

AlternativePerspective · 23/05/2022 14:09

OP reality is you’re going to get loads of different answers here from “wait a couple more days” to “he’s just not that into you because you didn’t shag him.”

Most people project their own thinking and experiences on to these situations.

TBH I would be disappointed if someone didn’t contact me for days at a time but I am a communicator and that style just wouldn’t work for me. But it’s all personal.

You say you didn’t have sex. Contrary to popular belief not all men are sex starved maniacs just after a shag before they move on. Ive spent the night with men (my ex DH and my current dp) without having sex with them and it didn’t matter because they were both decent human beings who didn’t push the issue,and we just slept together when the time was right.

Did anything else happen between you? I.e. could you tell whether he was aroused?

I totally agree and I have definately had the expierence of exes and previously partners being quite happy in early days to have cuddle sleep over. I have just never had radio silence like this afterwards?

But he has always been a bit weird with texting. I honestly remember our first date in March - I was convinved he was going to stand me up because he was so aloof with messaging. Anyway he didnt and here we are.

TMI trigger
Yes he ejaculated when I grazed my hand on his penis (without manual stimulation) - then in the morning following the condom discussion I briefly manually masturbated him and he did not last long

Nil oral sex / PIV - just 'bits'.

OP posts:
Finalcountdowntoourtripaway · 23/05/2022 14:21

I had been on antidepressants for a month when I met now dh. I felt quite numb and was worried it was either the pills or my genuine feelings /lack of for him. I stopped taking them. We blossomed and got married and had a dc. Ime taking the pills mad emw doubt my own judgement.. He could be

Finalcountdowntoourtripaway · 23/05/2022 14:21

Oops pressed post...

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 14:24

Finalcountdowntoourtripaway · 23/05/2022 14:21

I had been on antidepressants for a month when I met now dh. I felt quite numb and was worried it was either the pills or my genuine feelings /lack of for him. I stopped taking them. We blossomed and got married and had a dc. Ime taking the pills mad emw doubt my own judgement.. He could be

I work in health care and have expierence with anti depressants - he knows I have this expierence and did not share any of this with me and it is his right to do so. I seen them in the bathroom. His name and recent issue. They are second line for anxiety / OCD. He has maybe realised I have seen them?

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 14:26

Finalcountdowntoourtripaway · 23/05/2022 14:21

I had been on antidepressants for a month when I met now dh. I felt quite numb and was worried it was either the pills or my genuine feelings /lack of for him. I stopped taking them. We blossomed and got married and had a dc. Ime taking the pills mad emw doubt my own judgement.. He could be

I hope you feel better now. I do feel with this guy there is alot he is not telling me

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 14:28

Finalcountdowntoourtripaway · 23/05/2022 14:21

I had been on antidepressants for a month when I met now dh. I felt quite numb and was worried it was either the pills or my genuine feelings /lack of for him. I stopped taking them. We blossomed and got married and had a dc. Ime taking the pills mad emw doubt my own judgement.. He could be

Just re read what I posted -

For clarity it is his right NOT to tell me anything about his mental health and current medications or any of the sort. But usually this type of medication is issued by secondary care rather than the GP - meaning he must have struggled quite a bit with his mental health. I know when I have struggled with mental health and been over whelmed I pull back on using my phone for a day or so at a time.

OP posts:
mosside · 23/05/2022 14:39

How did you graze your hand on his penis? Confused 🫤

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 14:40

mosside · 23/05/2022 14:39

How did you graze your hand on his penis? Confused 🫤

We were in bed and I touch his penis lightly with my hand - skin to skin - like a graze touch rather than a hard pat 😂😂😂😂😂

OP posts:
mosside · 23/05/2022 14:43

Oh I see! I don't know that use of the word, sorry. So, I think he has some hang ups about sex, maybe he's worried about PE, especially if he came so quickly with you barely touching him.
I think he'll text, you're right, he might be worried about the ADs. Or perhaps he left them there for you to see on purpose, so he didn't have to talk about it?

mosside · 23/05/2022 14:43

But he wanted you to know about the issue IYSWIM

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 14:47

mosside · 23/05/2022 14:43

Oh I see! I don't know that use of the word, sorry. So, I think he has some hang ups about sex, maybe he's worried about PE, especially if he came so quickly with you barely touching him.
I think he'll text, you're right, he might be worried about the ADs. Or perhaps he left them there for you to see on purpose, so he didn't have to talk about it?

He could have done - He was asking me loads about anti depressants and treatments actually. He said he wanted to be a psychiatrist

OP posts:
MushyPeasPrincess · 23/05/2022 15:42

guess if you’re happy enough to go home with someone you don’t really know you’re probably happy enough to have unprotected sex.

What in the name of patriarchal misogynistic ridiculous bullshit is this?? What a totally bizarre assumption. Women can go home with whoever they like, at any point, and insist on safe sex practices you know!

Suprima · 23/05/2022 15:45

His texting pattern shows he isn’t interested in you I’m afraid.

You have had three dates since March. Also not a good sign.

You may have rationalised this with him being busy- but then is this is someone who is relationship material?

gannett · 23/05/2022 15:46

Really bizarre amount of speculation/projection/overthinking in this thread, mostly not even from the OP.

Honestly doesn't sound like there was anything untoward about the night. All that's happened is that he is as infrequent a texter after you've spent the night as he was before, ie this is in-character for him.

Suprima · 23/05/2022 15:48

And 6-8 weeks chatting with him leaving half days in between to reply to you?

yeah he wants a penpal

find someone emotionally available, who is keen to communicate and can’t get enough of you. This should be the giddy with butterflies stage- not you being confused and reading into his mental health problems (you barely know this man, despite how you may feel)

Zemw · 23/05/2022 16:08

Did you hear from him yet?

By the way, I take a beta blocker for migranes.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 16:10

Zemw · 23/05/2022 16:08

Did you hear from him yet?

By the way, I take a beta blocker for migranes.

It wasnt b blocker

No news yet - Not a great expectation here. Usually a guy will message the next day or shortly after saying they are not interested

Feeling fairly shit. He knows my work has been utterly mad too - I have enough on my plate

OP posts:
PollyDarton1 · 23/05/2022 16:18

I'd say yeah, I would expect to hear from a prospective date/boyfriend within 24 hours of staying over, especially if you've crossed some previously uncrossed boundaries like sex, or intimacy. Even more especially if you've texted already to no response.

It kind of feels like this lack of communication is frustrating to you OP and I would be exactly the same - unless he's having to reply to a monologue (which I doubt) or make a decision about something, it takes seconds to reply if only to say "bit busy, message later". I am a very communicative person and in touch with friends and family regularly during the day, so it would bother me a lot and make me feel overlooked, but then there will be a lot of people to which this is fine for (and I guess at one point, you were too).

I would give it until tomorrow lunchtime before you write it off completely, but sadly it doesn't look great.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 16:20

PollyDarton1 · 23/05/2022 16:18

I'd say yeah, I would expect to hear from a prospective date/boyfriend within 24 hours of staying over, especially if you've crossed some previously uncrossed boundaries like sex, or intimacy. Even more especially if you've texted already to no response.

It kind of feels like this lack of communication is frustrating to you OP and I would be exactly the same - unless he's having to reply to a monologue (which I doubt) or make a decision about something, it takes seconds to reply if only to say "bit busy, message later". I am a very communicative person and in touch with friends and family regularly during the day, so it would bother me a lot and make me feel overlooked, but then there will be a lot of people to which this is fine for (and I guess at one point, you were too).

I would give it until tomorrow lunchtime before you write it off completely, but sadly it doesn't look great.

Wasnt a monologue in the slightest - message about croissant and hoping his work went ok - literally 2/3 sentences... it was along the lines of

'I got the croissant from the bakery - it was so nice. My cat was glad to see me back. How did your work go today? Have a nice evening'

That was about 5/6pm so not like I messaged him immediately after I left either

Its not looking great

OP posts:
Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 16:22

PollyDarton1 · 23/05/2022 16:18

I'd say yeah, I would expect to hear from a prospective date/boyfriend within 24 hours of staying over, especially if you've crossed some previously uncrossed boundaries like sex, or intimacy. Even more especially if you've texted already to no response.

It kind of feels like this lack of communication is frustrating to you OP and I would be exactly the same - unless he's having to reply to a monologue (which I doubt) or make a decision about something, it takes seconds to reply if only to say "bit busy, message later". I am a very communicative person and in touch with friends and family regularly during the day, so it would bother me a lot and make me feel overlooked, but then there will be a lot of people to which this is fine for (and I guess at one point, you were too).

I would give it until tomorrow lunchtime before you write it off completely, but sadly it doesn't look great.

In fairness he knows my work is mad so maybe he is waiting until I am less busy to break the 'just not into you' news and not wanting to do it in the middle of a work day.

OP posts:
Minoloso · 23/05/2022 16:22

I think it’s really poor of him. You had, not sex, but an intimate experience with him and he should have contacted you - it’s just basic good manners and consideration. Given you have reached out it can’t be because he’s embarrassed of his little ahem, accident.
If he doesn’t reply this evening is either bin him off and tell him why, or just be straight - you like him, you’d quite like a bit more communication if you are to continue.

I personally couldn’t be doing with someone with such bad communication (and manners) but that’s just me.

Original poster
hairtwirl · 23/05/2022 16:25

Minoloso · 23/05/2022 16:22

I think it’s really poor of him. You had, not sex, but an intimate experience with him and he should have contacted you - it’s just basic good manners and consideration. Given you have reached out it can’t be because he’s embarrassed of his little ahem, accident.
If he doesn’t reply this evening is either bin him off and tell him why, or just be straight - you like him, you’d quite like a bit more communication if you are to continue.

I personally couldn’t be doing with someone with such bad communication (and manners) but that’s just me.

Well he was not like this before obviously. But he did take a time to reply - but was fairly consistent with his replies.

He apologised for the PE incident but maybe the whole thing was too much. I just laughed and said it was no worries whatsoever

I come across as very confident with intimacy and I did not make the situation in any way awkward for him

I agree after having such an intimate evening if I hear nothing it is very, very poor form

OP posts:
InFiveMins · 23/05/2022 16:43

Personally I don't think I'd be happy with the lack of messages from him, it doesn't sound as though he's that interested anyway if he is taking so long to reply generally. I think he's being rude - it would take 2 minutes to thank you for a nice evening and suggest another date or cool it off a bit. Leaving you hanging isn't nice.