Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Weed - deal breaker?

192 replies

LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 00:30

Would smoking weed be a deal breaker for you in a potential partner?

Seems like nice guy in many ways, he is self employed, appears to do plenty of housework, cooking, works around the house, seems to do a lot with/for his kids etc. ..... but found out he smokes weed on a regular basis (he was open about it).

Says he feels he needs it to be chilled, chatty, upbeat etc.
Says he would be a different person without it (in a bad way).
Says other ways of taking Marijuana do not work for him/are just not for him.

My usual approach would be; no fkg way.
I shouldn't be questioning that, should I?

OP posts:
sallylondon · 15/05/2022 00:34

How regularly is "regularly"?


  • Smoking one socially a couple of times a week = fine. No different to having a glass of wine or two.

  • Smoking as something that he has to do several times a day or else he can't cope with normal life = not so good

AnElegantChaos · 15/05/2022 00:36

Regular drinking to inebriation would be a deal breaker for me. Not weed though. He sounds fully functioning and kind, so no it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me really.

Wouldyabeguilty · 15/05/2022 00:38

Nope. Would rather weed than booze. Wouldn’t bother me.

DietCoke99 · 15/05/2022 00:38

Personally no. Had a friend who ended up having lots of MH issues- can't recall if it was schizophrenia but think it was. She admitted the weed was the root if it

tunnocksreturns2019 · 15/05/2022 00:39

For me yes, total dealbreaker. He says he ‘needs it’ to be a nice person.

So no way.

Original poster
LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 00:43

How regularly is "regularly"?

Can't quite get a handle on that.

Erring on the higher side, it seems like most nights.

OP posts:
Original poster
LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 00:47

He says he ‘needs it’ to be a nice person.

To be pedantic, he didn't say he needs it to be a "nice" person; he said he feels he needs it to be a more chilled, chatty, upbeat person.

None of those are "nice" (or conversely not nice, without it).

He said he feels he'd be boring without it.
(Yet he's not boring when you're chatting to him and he's not smoking weed, or presumably hasn't even since the night before)

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 15/05/2022 00:48

Yes.

Rainbowqueeen · 15/05/2022 00:48

Yes dealbreaker.

He’s openly admitted he’s not a nice person without it. That should tell you a lot

Original poster
LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 00:50

I should clarify "Says he would be a different person without it (in a bad way)" didn't mean - a bad or not nice person.

It meant "boring", less fun, less relaxed etc.

OP posts:
tunnocksreturns2019 · 15/05/2022 00:50

Most nights, though?

Well, up to you.

Stichintime · 15/05/2022 00:53

Its fine, unless he can't score for what ever reason. The fun, chilled out guy you know may disappear quite rapidly.

Original poster
LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 00:55

Personally no. Had a friend who ended up having lots of MH issues- can't recall if it was schizophrenia but think it was. She admitted the weed was the root if it

I touched lightly on that.

His response was that the good outweighs the bad with weed (hmmm).

Don't know if he means that categorically, which is clearly BS as per your example ...or just for him as an individual (so far).

OP posts:
happinessischocolate · 15/05/2022 00:55

My bf smokes weed everyday for 2 reasons

  1. it stops the anxiety and intrusive thoughts so like your bf, makes him more enjoyable company

  2. as a form of pain relief due to a broken hip/leg injury from 10 years ago

He's never noticeably stoned, and I don't know when he's had a joint unless I see him have it.

happinessischocolate · 15/05/2022 00:57

DietCoke99 · 15/05/2022 00:38

Personally no. Had a friend who ended up having lots of MH issues- can't recall if it was schizophrenia but think it was. She admitted the weed was the root if it

I think there's been studies which show that people with mental health issues are more like to smoke weed, rather than weed causes mental health issues.

It's a debatable subject.

Original poster
LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 00:59

Its fine, unless he can't score for what ever reason. The fun, chilled out guy you know may disappear quite rapidly..

I don't honestly know if he means while smoking and while hanging out with his friends (only) or in general.

He had been chatty, fun etc all the times I've had interaction with him when he obviously has not been smoking weed (then or since the evening before, if he smoked every evening which I don't know).

Would he be saying its responsible for his mood/tine all the time??
Does it work that way?

OP posts:
Original poster
LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 01:01

(That was supposed to be mood/tone).

OP posts:
TheClitterati · 15/05/2022 01:01

If it's most nights I'd say it would be every night.

Regular weed smokers don't not smoke of an evening. So what do you think he'd be having a joint every night. But I don't see anything wrong with it.

Some people with can smoke weed & have dreadfull Lives & lots of issues.

But also very successful nice chilled together people who prefer to have a spliff to a glass of wine smoke weed too.

If you don't mind that he has a joint in itself I just say look at the big picture.

Bigthicksliceoftoast · 15/05/2022 01:01

Absolute deal breaker for me.

Had a couple of ex-s that were regular users. It caused so many problems.

I would never start another relationship with someone that used weed, even only occasionally.

Original poster
LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 01:03

so like your bf

He's not.

He's expressed considerable interest in being that though.

OP posts:
Original poster
LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 01:09

@Bigthicksliceoftoast

Would you mind saying what sort of problems?

I've never dealt with qeed smokers other than mild studenty use at uni and on a hol with group (type of destination notorious for weed).

OP posts:
Dad808 · 15/05/2022 01:13

Sounds like he is self.medicating some psychological issues with weed ( I did the same). Weed is better then other more socially accepted drugs like alcohol however so depends how you see it.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 15/05/2022 01:16

Its a deal breaker for me. I know a few lifelong weed smokers or ex weed smokers, some of my closest friends but there isn't one amongst them I would say is "sorted". There always seems to be something I can't quite put my finger one, somehow a lack of focus or concentration, slightly chaotic lives. I happens over time, everything is all very cool for the first few years, then there seems to be a steady downward spiral. Plus weed smells like piss.

maddy68 · 15/05/2022 01:17

God no. Weed is fine as long as it's not affecting you. Uch prefer a weed smoker than a drinker

Original poster
LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 01:18

@Dad808

Sorry, i can't get the quote to work atm.

I don't know him well but know he's lost a sibling & friend from his youth (both young) to alcohol related accidents.

He mentioned both quite early in conversations.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread