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Original poster

Weed - deal breaker?

192 replies

LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 00:30

Would smoking weed be a deal breaker for you in a potential partner?

Seems like nice guy in many ways, he is self employed, appears to do plenty of housework, cooking, works around the house, seems to do a lot with/for his kids etc. ..... but found out he smokes weed on a regular basis (he was open about it).

Says he feels he needs it to be chilled, chatty, upbeat etc.
Says he would be a different person without it (in a bad way).
Says other ways of taking Marijuana do not work for him/are just not for him.

My usual approach would be; no fkg way.
I shouldn't be questioning that, should I?

OP posts:
Magenta82 · 15/05/2022 09:15

My DP is a medical cannabis patient and smokes it every day. He takes it for the anxiety and PTSD he has from his time in the army. He also has regular counselling for the same issues.

Before he got the prescription he used to buy it from the street. He is an adult late 30s early 40s and not particularly vulnerable to peer pressure, the idea that cannabis is a gateway drug dealers try to push harder drugs is largely a myth and only a worry for impressionable children.

He is a functioning adult, runs a business, is a good father, the cannabis bothers me far less than him leaving his socks in the living room.

If you like this guy you could give it a go and watch him to see how it affects him. Go in with your eyes open and be prepared to end things if it causes problems. But that should probably be what we should do for all relationships.

Mirrorball2022 · 15/05/2022 09:17

I’m not a fan tbh. It’s the smell. I hate it. It really lingers on clothes/people when they smoke regularly. it’s so strong these days.

To be honest it’s the fact he ‘needs’ it to be a certain type of person. What happens if he doesn’t smoke one most days? I’d also say the same for people that drink daily I don’t think that’s particularly good either.

If it was recreational maybe one at a weekend, wouldn’t be so bad but there seems to be a reliance here. Also that costs a good amount of cash if it’s that regular.

rnsaslkih · 15/05/2022 09:19

Yes this would be a deal breaker.

People like to be "cool" about weed smoking, but in reality this is a drug trade that is fuelled by "nice guys" like this breaking the law.

I also don't understand the comments about a weed addict being OK compared to a drunk. How about neither?

Original poster
LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 09:22

There's also in my experience a huge overlap with paranoia as a result, which is why stoners seem to enjoy conspiracy theories so much.

Oh fk, he has mentioned something about covid tests.

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 15/05/2022 09:28

Sounds like he's totally reliant on it even on a personally level rather than just enjoys the odd one to relax - absolutely no way. HUGE red flag. Can't believe anyone saying they'd be fine with that. I'd not date a smoker of regular cigarettes either so don't think weed is any different in the respect as well.

Alcemeg · 15/05/2022 09:29

Oh fk, he has mentioned something about covid tests.

In that case, it's a big No from me.
Lazy, paranoid thinking. I refer you to items (1) and (2) in my earlier post 😜

QuotetheLaw · 15/05/2022 09:29

Yes it would be a deal breaker for me. Even if it was just once a month. Shows he has the potential to take other drugs too.

Original poster
LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 09:32

....Before family, friends, lovers, spouses, children, pets, work etc. No one wants to be second best to a drug.

To be clear, I'm pretty much with the "no," posters, but just to be fair; from.whst I know of him, the child stuff seems to come first/be high priority for him, and he seems to smoke weed late at night when they are in bed.

OP posts:
Original poster
LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 09:34

He said he doesn't smoke inside house, but in my experience, smokers tend to sat that, and actually do.

OP posts:
toastfiend · 15/05/2022 09:35

It would be a huge deal breaker for me.

I hate the smell and I don't find the baggy, bloodshot eyed look attractive. My ex used to smoke it (and deny it) and he was severely paranoid with serious mental health issues and I think the weed had a massive part to play in that. He was a twat anyway, but he turned into even more of an abusive twat when he hadn't smoked recently, and he put weed above all else (left me sitting outside his house in the freezing cold for an hour and a half waiting for him when he went to his dealer - yes, more fool me for waiting, but I was very young and very frightened of his reaction if I left). He was absolutely awful as a human being anyway, obviously, the weed just exacerbated that, but it definitely did exacerbate the negative parts of his personality and I would never be with anyone who smoked weed now. I also think it saps people of ambition and makes them intolerably boring to be around, if he's not interesting when he's not high then he sure as shit isn't when he is, even if his altered perception tells him it makes him fascinating.

Original poster
LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 09:36

Sounds like he's totally reliant on it even on a personally level rather than just enjoys the odd one to relax

True.

OP posts:
toastfiend · 15/05/2022 09:36

Smoking weed when he's solely responsible for his kids would also be a massive deal breaker for me.

ArtVandalay · 15/05/2022 09:37

Any form of smoking would be a deal breaker for me because - yuck.

Weed per se would not be a big issue.

Original poster
LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 09:39

He was absolutely awful as a human being anyway, obviously, the weed just exacerbated that, but it definitely did exacerbate the negative parts of his personality

In the brief convo we had about it, I mentioned that some ppl I went in a group hol with (a couple of whom admittedly were not nice people, I didnt sew it before I went) were unbearable smoking dope; his response was "wrong people to be smoking weed!".

OP posts:
collieresponder88 · 15/05/2022 09:39

My friend has just divorced after 20 years of her husband smoking weed It gradually crept into everyday life. Before work after work. Before bed before any family occasion. He was awful when they went on holiday because he couldn't smoke it. Bad tempered and angry. And to make it worse now her two teenage sons smoke it because they've always seen their dad smoke it. I wouldn't want to get into that.

Soontobe60 · 15/05/2022 09:40

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2022 01:33

Says he would be a different person without it (in a bad way).

That's a serious psychological addiction. No ta.

We could say that about lots of things we do. Some people head for the biscuit tin or chocolate if they feel a bit down and want a boost. Others need a daily dose of strong caffeine. A small G+T in the evening? Yes please. Anti depressants? CBD oil? A daily bottle of Coke?
Most of us will have something we consume that makes us feel better.

blueagain · 15/05/2022 09:40

Are you into travelling OP? Like going on overseas holidays? Spain for a week etc? If that’s something you want with a future partner then you have to not progress with this person. As a regular weed smoker he won’t want to go abroad or be able to function abroad. Think about it. If he smokes everyday and that regulates his anxiety/personality then how do you go to Florida for 2 weeks? You don’t. Ever. My best mate smokes every day and won’t even leave her house unless it’s to go to the dealer. It gets worse as they age. Be warned. Take advice from people who have long term relationships with regular weed smokers. It’s self medication and it takes priority. They cannot function without it.

Original poster
LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 09:41

Smoking weed when he's solely responsible for his kids would also be a massive deal breaker for me.

Will Google this for info, but what are the lasting effects of smoking weed the night before, as it were? How long are effects supposed to last? Is it constant low level if you are doing it most nights/a lot of nights?

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 15/05/2022 09:41

ArtVandalay · 15/05/2022 09:37

Any form of smoking would be a deal breaker for me because - yuck.

Weed per se would not be a big issue.

I'm actually surprised at all the answers saying it's not a problem because of this alone. On any dating threads smoking is usually a deal breaker in it's self. Not sure why the addition of an illegal drug makes it ok.

missypissy · 15/05/2022 09:42

Total dealbreaker.

coolcahuna · 15/05/2022 09:44

Absolute deal breaker for me. My ex boyfriend took it back up 6 months after we got together. All fine at the start , I didn't get involved and wasn't a big deal . Then he started smoking it probably every other day, bringing it to my house to smoke, withdrawing in general. Wouldn't hear from him for hours as he would be monged out.

It made him lazy and withdrawn.

coolcahuna · 15/05/2022 09:44

FindingMeno · 15/05/2022 05:20

Deal breaker.
I would never allow anyone who uses recreational drugs or habitually drinks alcohol into my life again.

100% with you. Can't stand it. Heavy drinking and weed users are a no for me. I want someone present.

Original poster
LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 09:45

If he smokes everyday and that regulates his anxiety/personality then how do you go to Florida for 2 weeks? You don’t. Ever

He's actually done the Orlando kids hol thing, when kids younger.

But I don't know if his use has increased on recent yrs.

Also lots of family hols, but I winder if you could get it in places like Canaries.

OP posts:
TalkingCat · 15/05/2022 09:47

Weed causes early onset alzheimers, depression and other mental health issues. It would be a deal-breaker to me. Imo it is as bad if not worse than alcohol. He even said he needs it to cope with everyday life, so he's clearly addicted to substances and can't be bothered to deal with life without and seek therapy for any issues that arise. He doesn't even want to try.

Sorry, I'd ditch him. Otherwise you're setting yourself up for being in a relationship with someone who has a fake substance-created personality and long term mental health issues. Stay away from anyone who touches weed, no good can ever come of it. It truly is at least as bad as alcohol, if not far worse.

Original poster
LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 09:51

I also don't understand the comments about a weed addict being OK compared to a drunk. How about neither?

So true.

OP posts:
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