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Original poster

Weed - deal breaker?

192 replies

LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 00:30

Would smoking weed be a deal breaker for you in a potential partner?

Seems like nice guy in many ways, he is self employed, appears to do plenty of housework, cooking, works around the house, seems to do a lot with/for his kids etc. ..... but found out he smokes weed on a regular basis (he was open about it).

Says he feels he needs it to be chilled, chatty, upbeat etc.
Says he would be a different person without it (in a bad way).
Says other ways of taking Marijuana do not work for him/are just not for him.

My usual approach would be; no fkg way.
I shouldn't be questioning that, should I?

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 15/05/2022 09:51

I wouldn't mind once or twice a month, socially but every other day is a bit much. You have to bare in mind that weed smell will fund its way into your clothing. So you'll end up walking about smelling of it.

Plus, I was very much of the 'its better than alcohol' impression until I took q psychology class that talked of the links between it qnd schizophrenia and recognised that some quirky symptoms I always got the day after smoking weed...might not be so harmless after all (feeling like someone was standing diagonally over my shoulder all day).

So you would need to be aware of those symptoms and know if they happen to him or you (because you'll likely end up smoking with him).

Pinkbonbon · 15/05/2022 09:53

Plus, it's a class b drug now. One small slip up in privacy and you both find yourself in jail.

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 15/05/2022 09:55

I wouldn't consider a partner with any history of substance abuse or any kind of addiction.

Others can please themselves.

grapewines · 15/05/2022 09:58

LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 09:22

There's also in my experience a huge overlap with paranoia as a result, which is why stoners seem to enjoy conspiracy theories so much.

Oh fk, he has mentioned something about covid tests.

Yes. I hate how much it stinks.

The more you post, the less attractive he sounds.

DeeCeeCherry · 15/05/2022 09:59

Would smoking weed be a deal breaker for you in a potential partner?
Yes, it has been. My ex was a nice enough guy mostly but that doesnt beat not having my home smelling of weed, not having to put up with his agitation when he didnt have any weed + going on & on about it, not yawning thru boring stories of how weed is good for appetite as it gives you the munchies, makes you feel nice n high etc, not having the edge taken off a night out because he didnt have any/didnt have enough weed, not being late to leave his house to meet me as he just has to have a spliff before setting off to drive anywhere, not being abroad on holiday & 1st priority is to find out who the local weed man is.

I dont judge people for smoking weed I just don't want or need it around my life. Relationships where the couple both smoke weed would work out best I guess. If you're already dubious OP its better to not get involved

Alcemeg · 15/05/2022 10:17

Consuming an illegal, or a legal, drug, does not make you an addict.

If you drink a glass of wine after work, does that make you an alcoholic?

Everyone has a car crash story, or stories, about someone who smokes weed.

Not everyone who smokes it is a complete wanker arsehole with no hope in life who on a week's holiday will spend the whole time running around half-crazed, desperate for his next "fix"!

His COVID paranoia, however, is a red flag especially when combined with the weed smoking, because if you are that way inclined, being stoned can encourage that kind of delusional thinking.

Original poster
LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 10:19

.... seek therapy for any issues that arise. He doesn't even want to try.

Briefly touched on therapy when he mentioned bereavement, don't think he's had any and he seems very resistant. Started joking re. he thinking he was crazy or something.

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 15/05/2022 10:20

Alcemeg · 15/05/2022 10:17

Consuming an illegal, or a legal, drug, does not make you an addict.

If you drink a glass of wine after work, does that make you an alcoholic?

Everyone has a car crash story, or stories, about someone who smokes weed.

Not everyone who smokes it is a complete wanker arsehole with no hope in life who on a week's holiday will spend the whole time running around half-crazed, desperate for his next "fix"!

His COVID paranoia, however, is a red flag especially when combined with the weed smoking, because if you are that way inclined, being stoned can encourage that kind of delusional thinking.

But this man has opening admitted he relies on it to be the person he is presenting to the OP. Without it his personality is different. That suggests addiction albeit perhaps psychological thatcher than physical. He will likely be physically addicted to the nicotine from the tobacco used along side it though.

Original poster
LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 10:21

That was supposed to say, he started jokimg about me thinking he was crazy or something

OP posts:
sunlight81 · 15/05/2022 10:26

Not for me in any way. In my experience cannabis exacerbates mental health issues and anyone using it as a crutch to be socially acceptable, may become socially unacceptable without it. Likewise I would want to be with someone who drank every night either.

U need to like the very core of a person to be with them long term and u will never get to know them if they are always self medicating

Original poster
LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 10:29

But this man has opening admitted he relies on it to be the person he is presenting to the OP.

He seemed to be more saying that about hanging out with his friends (but I'm not 100% sure).

OP posts:
Alcemeg · 15/05/2022 10:30

@liveforsummer
But this man has opening admitted he relies on it to be the person he is presenting to the OP. Without it his personality is different. That suggests addiction albeit perhaps psychological rather than physical. He will likely be physically addicted to the nicotine from the tobacco used alongside it though.

OP actually clarified "To be pedantic, he didn't say he needs it to be a "nice" person; he said he feels he needs it to be a more chilled, chatty, upbeat person."

In other words, a social crutch. I think most of us "need" something of that kind, especially if we are not naturally gregarious. Personally I can't imagine going to a party and not having a drink. Hell is other people!

liveforsummer · 15/05/2022 10:32

How often do you go to parties though? If it's daily then it's a problem/addiction that you're using a drink as a social crutch. Once every couple of months - not really an issue!

Catcrazy83 · 15/05/2022 10:46

No way. The same as I wouldn’t be with anyone who needed to drink every night.
being with an addict is horrendous, what ever their poison of choice.

Tamzo85 · 15/05/2022 10:50

I don’t think it does any harm, some people are just nutters with it without weed. Look at all the Covid conspiracy theorists- they’re not all pot head.

People need to lighten up and realise Mary isn’t just for people on the estate protesting vaccination

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 15/05/2022 10:53

Absolutely a deal breaker. I wouldn't have a relationship with anyone who smoked anything never mind this. The stench of it is dreadful for starters never mind the addiction. Never, ever.

Original poster
LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 10:53

Bigthicksliceoftoast · 15/05/2022 01:39

They were pretty rubbish relationships in hindsight, but the issues linked to the weed were:

  • how much it cost / how much they spent on it / then expecting to borrow money to pay for it after they had spent all of their own / money was never prioritised for anything else
  • some dealers etc also sell other illegal products / more likely to get drawn into crime / be victim of crime (I know that sounds a bit dramatic, but I was around much more dubious characters as a result and did witness some violence etc to do with drug debts)
  • nothing else is ever as important as the weed / not respecting boundaries
  • mental health issues
  • generally lower aspirations (possibly seen as lazy)
  • if he grows his own it’s a pain, smells awful, takes up space, time and effort, and never makes the money that they claim it will.
  • moody / miserable when it’s not a available or even usage is restricted
  • smells horrible
…and this might be a bit specific, but the ex-s I had that smoked weed never seemed to progress from being immature teenagers. Their own relaxation and enjoyment was their only concern, they lacked any motivation or ambition, and were eventually quite dull, because they didn’t really want to do anything other than “chill out with a spliff”.

Also (if you have children), consider if it is an example that you want to set for them. Are you happy for them to be around an illegal product, are you trying to convince them to follow some rules, but suggesting that some laws are ok to ignore? Would you risk your own / your child’s safety getting in a car driven by someone under the influence?

Show quote history

Thank for this comprehensive post.

OP posts:
Aboutdamntime · 15/05/2022 10:58

Definite deal breaker for me.

If he smokes every night but not in the house, just when the children are in bed, where is he smoking? Presumably in the back garden? The smell is awful and would still be in the house.

I had an ex who smoked weed and I didn’t particularly mind at the time as I lived on my own but I look back now and I am relieved I didn’t stay with him as I don’t like the smell and the lifestyle (he is into cocaine now and obsessed with it.) He has neglected his health and personal care (grubby fingernails and furry teeth) and that is because the weed comes first.

ineedsun · 15/05/2022 11:04

Definitely a deal breaker for me, been there and done that. Would not go back there again.

it’s not just the impact on mood and mental health, it’s the smell of it.

Original poster
LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 11:30

If he smokes every night but not in the house, just when the children are in bed, where is he smoking? Presumably in the back garden?

Presume so.

In my experience, smokers of anything who say this always end up in the house sooner or later, not to mention the car.

OP posts:
Strawberrydelight55 · 15/05/2022 12:02

Just wanted to add back in February me and my boyfriend were fast asleep in bed. I popped upstairs for a wee and I could hear talking downstairs at the front door. I thought who the heck is that. I went back down and realised it was shouting I could hear and it was outside. I went to the living room window and there was My boyfriend almost forehead to forehead with his weed supplier. He owed him a tenner!!! The row over this tenner. It was ridiculous and I'm not from that world. I was embarrassed and completely disgusted at grown men behaving that way. I was yelling to him I'll get you a tenner just leave it. But they continued to argue and eventually nobody started a fight and he came back in.

I couldn't sleep after and just thought how pathetic. My ex is so crap with money and to be honest he owes me alot. Its not good.

Original poster
LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 16:19

The people I know who use it on an every day basis are, as a PP said, tediously self absorbed

I have to give him his due on the front; he does talk about what he's doing but he is about 60/40, maybe even 70/30 in terms of imterest and discussion of my stuff. I've actually never experienced such a level of interest in my activities, opinions, history, experiences etc!

OP posts:
Original poster
LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 22:07

Strawberrydelight55 · 15/05/2022 12:02

Just wanted to add back in February me and my boyfriend were fast asleep in bed. I popped upstairs for a wee and I could hear talking downstairs at the front door. I thought who the heck is that. I went back down and realised it was shouting I could hear and it was outside. I went to the living room window and there was My boyfriend almost forehead to forehead with his weed supplier. He owed him a tenner!!! The row over this tenner. It was ridiculous and I'm not from that world. I was embarrassed and completely disgusted at grown men behaving that way. I was yelling to him I'll get you a tenner just leave it. But they continued to argue and eventually nobody started a fight and he came back in.

I couldn't sleep after and just thought how pathetic. My ex is so crap with money and to be honest he owes me alot. Its not good.

I can imagine situations like that arising.

Saw things verging on that at uni, there was half an excuse then though; with ppl being very young & foolish.

I take it you no longer with this guy?

OP posts:
Valeriekat · 21/06/2022 05:14

happinessischocolate · 15/05/2022 00:57

I think there's been studies which show that people with mental health issues are more like to smoke weed, rather than weed causes mental health issues.

It's a debatable subject.

Show quote history

I think the studies show that mental health issues are exacerbated by marijuana use.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 21/06/2022 06:43

Weed is a very popular drug for the anxious , depressive and for many people on the spectrum

it does take the edge off
it really does !
I prefer to alcohol in many ways

and it’s your call , and it wouldn’t bother me if they were fully functioning

most Of the adult world are medicating themselves in some way
mental pain , physical pain