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Original poster

Weed - deal breaker?

192 replies

LooseGoose22 · 15/05/2022 00:30

Would smoking weed be a deal breaker for you in a potential partner?

Seems like nice guy in many ways, he is self employed, appears to do plenty of housework, cooking, works around the house, seems to do a lot with/for his kids etc. ..... but found out he smokes weed on a regular basis (he was open about it).

Says he feels he needs it to be chilled, chatty, upbeat etc.
Says he would be a different person without it (in a bad way).
Says other ways of taking Marijuana do not work for him/are just not for him.

My usual approach would be; no fkg way.
I shouldn't be questioning that, should I?

OP posts:
dawngreen · 14/09/2022 18:42

They talk as if they are fine. But they are very paranoid full of anxiety, and get out of breath very easy at 24/25. And the thing is they steal money for their habit, and they have to take stronger stuff to cope with each day. None of the local taxi firms will go to their house, because they do a runner. And they admit to having to get help after buying bad drugs containing god knows what. Its hard to have to sit back and watch. I expect bad news one day.

Soproudoflionesses · 14/09/2022 19:00

Would be a deal breaker for me

HappyPeach · 14/09/2022 19:03

Total no from me. Anyone who depends on any drug to live is a no.

Aretheyhavingalaugh · 14/09/2022 19:13

Not a deal breaker for me. One of the smartest, nicest, well put together, caring, sensible people I know smokes weed on a regular basis. As others have said would much rather that than a heavy drinker. Weed doesn't make you violent like alcohol can and I've been around people that enjoyed alcohol a bit too much. I don't smoke weed and rarely drink but I've got experience of both. Weed can effect you mentally but you would already have some kind of issue in the first place, it wouldn't be the weed causing the problem.

Aretheyhavingalaugh · 14/09/2022 19:14

HappyPeach · 14/09/2022 19:03

Total no from me. Anyone who depends on any drug to live is a no.

How about coffee?

Brightstar29 · 14/09/2022 19:16

Take it from an ex-girlfriend of a live-in stoner. It’s a no 😂

PreparationPreparationPrep · 14/09/2022 19:21

Dealbreaker for yes
But so would cigarettes I really dislike the smell of smoke - even cigarettes and wouldn't want it around my children.

THisbackwithavengeance · 14/09/2022 19:36

theemmadilemma · 14/09/2022 17:10

People in this country need to educate themselves on weed.

I'm not suggesting teenagers smoking super strength weed is great, but many many responsible adults use it to relax, deal with anxiety and pain etc.

Used correctly no different than a beer after work.

Director level people, lawyers, doctors, all using daily quietly.

I agree. People do need to educate themselves about weed. How it is grown in dangerous conditions by trafficked immigrants often kids who end up as slaves to mafia style drug gangs for years and years.

But hey as long as the middle classes can relax of an evening, who gives a shit?

dawngreen · 14/09/2022 20:11

Don't make me laugh! it sure as hell makes you aggressive. His mum came home to his ex girlfriend naked and unconscious on the living room floor. It starts off as just one of them things ppl do in a group. But what if they don't feel relaxed until they have had one? Then they end up having another alone. Then they find that its not working any more so they get some thing stronger. Some ppl are easily led.

The motorcycle club I used to be in was full of our future Lawyers. and doctors all at university. I saw how they spent the weekends. One day I worked out the food delivery guy actually never brought food. But he brought the weed.

Aretheyhavingalaugh · 14/09/2022 20:19

dawngreen · 14/09/2022 20:11

Don't make me laugh! it sure as hell makes you aggressive. His mum came home to his ex girlfriend naked and unconscious on the living room floor. It starts off as just one of them things ppl do in a group. But what if they don't feel relaxed until they have had one? Then they end up having another alone. Then they find that its not working any more so they get some thing stronger. Some ppl are easily led.

The motorcycle club I used to be in was full of our future Lawyers. and doctors all at university. I saw how they spent the weekends. One day I worked out the food delivery guy actually never brought food. But he brought the weed.

I don't think they were just smoking weed then. Weed plus alcohol is a very bad combination. I've know someone for 20 years who has been a regular weed smoker and it doesn't make them aggressive in the slightest and I'm talking from personal experience. Also the person I am referring to has only ever smoked weed and never found they needed something 'stronger' as you say.

Devo1818 · 14/09/2022 20:27

My DH smokes weed most weekends. He's not a fan of alcohol and he uses it in the same way I use wine, to relax on a Friday and Saturday night. I don't love it tbh but I wouldn't tell him to stop - he can afford it, it's under control (he doesn't ever seem noticeably stoned) and I wouldn't like it if he told me to stop drinking wine.

Glitterandunicorns · 14/09/2022 20:38

OP, I smoked more than my fair share when I was younger so am pretty chilled about weed smoking in general when it's now and again. In saying that, anyone who "needs" anything, be it weed or alcohol or whatever, should be avoided.

He's an addict and they're never a good person to get into a relationship with, no matter how nice they may seem.

Simply from a practical point of view, what would happen if he's got his kids overnight and one of them has a medical emergency? He would have to try to take them to hospital while stoned. What happens if you want to go on holiday with him to a place that doesn't have accessible weed? Would he be spending the time seeking dangerous sources?

I think you'd be better off forgetting this one, OP.

dotdotdotdash · 14/09/2022 20:38

This is about YOUR values around drugs. What do YOU think. If it’s a red line, bin him. If not, fine, carry on! Personally, not for me, but it’s your call!

Sevenwondersofthewoo · 14/09/2022 21:24

It would be a dealbreaker

I’ve been there and no no no as your partner would rather score than spend time with his girlfriend on weed.

plus it’s not just weed it’s mixed with other things to get you addicted these days. So the aggressive behaviour starts when they can’t score or they think your the problem.

Then the lying starts and the stealing or they say they owe the dealer and can you pay it this week, or worse it’s taken from family money and more lying.

oh and I’ll stop and do it for a couple times a week that is an outright lie as they just fuck off elsewhere to get high and lie about it whilst it stinks from them. Telling you I only smoke it twice a week when it’s never changed from daily.

Rapidtango · 14/09/2022 21:27

Absolute deal-breaker - the most minor point being the stench.

maddy68 · 15/09/2022 09:37

Not the fact he smokes weed. Lots of my friends and family di. But I don't like actual smoking so that would put me off (a bit)

Choconut · 15/09/2022 09:43

Easy deal breaker for me. I wouldn't be with someone who smoked cigs either though or drank most evenings.

Monster80 · 07/06/2023 13:13

Not a deal breaker at all. I feel sure it will be legalised in my lifetime, already is in so many places.

asrh618120 · 07/06/2023 13:55

My ex smoked weed. Mentally and physically abused me as he was convinced I was sleeping with anyone and everyone (I wasn't) and admitted the weed made him paranoid.

My current partner has adhd and smoked weed when I met him. Completely different affect. It calmed him and made him more balanced. He has since quit smoking and the adhd shines through but I love him with a little more energy!!

Each person is different, I would give someone a chance but keep an eye out for any red flags that could be related to the weed.

asrh618120 · 07/06/2023 13:58

Aretheyhavingalaugh · 14/09/2022 19:13

Not a deal breaker for me. One of the smartest, nicest, well put together, caring, sensible people I know smokes weed on a regular basis. As others have said would much rather that than a heavy drinker. Weed doesn't make you violent like alcohol can and I've been around people that enjoyed alcohol a bit too much. I don't smoke weed and rarely drink but I've got experience of both. Weed can effect you mentally but you would already have some kind of issue in the first place, it wouldn't be the weed causing the problem.

Touching on this in my previous post, I agree that there must be something within someone to have the mental side affects that come with smoking weed. The weed just heightens it. Paranoia for example.

dancinginthesky · 07/06/2023 14:44

Wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me, if it was in moderation I would welcome it tbh

What would be a dealbreaker is if they used it throughout the day when working or driving or supervising and interacting with children. there's benefits from weed and it's less dangerous than alcohol but that doesn't mean there aren't any risks and if they weren't a sensible user then it wouldn't date them, or if they told me bollocks like "oh it doesn't affect me I can drive stoned" - No, you can't you selfish prick.

I wouldn't date a drinker either unless it was just with a meal in moderation

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 07/06/2023 16:35

Choconut · 15/09/2022 09:43

Easy deal breaker for me. I wouldn't be with someone who smoked cigs either though or drank most evenings.

Here too. Same.

verdantverdure · 07/06/2023 16:49

I would rule out anyone with a drug dependency.

The cost of their habit, law breaking and contact with criminals would be an additional bunting of red flags on top.

Weeviking · 07/06/2023 16:52

If you're on the fence then I think it would be a deal breaker.

Having had a partner who did it very occasionally it turned into a massive issue between us and broke all trust in the relationship. Wouldn't go near someone who did it ever again.

verdantverdure · 07/06/2023 16:56

Under the influence of drugs while in sole charge of children and thinks it's fine, is also a dealbreaker for me.

I wouldn't want "our" money to fund criminal gangs.

I wouldn't want drug dealers to be only one degree of separation from our kids.

I want the kids and me to be the most important thing to him. Not his drugs.

What if money gets tight or his usual supplier vanishes?

What happens when he can't smoke his drugs?

Also how does he likes the way it makes his chatty and sociable match up with smoking alone in the garden late at night?

Nope.

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