Dating thread 228: ribbons round a maypole

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I'm not sure whether I am a typical woman - but if we have agreed to have a sexual relationship, I do think that sex needs to be involved at some point!

Yeah, fair point!
I did wonder with Ms H if things would turn physical or not.

Hi, I'm back, after my ghosting by Mr NoProfile. I don't want to get too intense with one man too early this time, so I am now chatting to 4 men on Bumble. It's so time consuming and hard to get any work done!

Totally agree with this, I don’t think women are brutal at all… we spend our lives feeling like we should apologise for having sexual needs of our own… it’s really important to me to get over that now - I’m 51 and it’s not my job to put my needs second to save a man’s feelings. We can all be compassionate and kind but still go for what we want - an intimate sexual connection!

Best ever thread title 🤣🤣🤣

Please don’t be anxious. I am 9 months into dating a man with similar issues. We have only manage penetration a few times. But it is improving and if he falls asleep he wakes with a splendidly usable boner😀😀😀 it is his performance anxiety that prevents it and this is dispelled by sleep.

@gelatodipistacchio it’s so rubbish I do feel for both you and him!! So hope it can get solved somehow x

Sorry!!!!! Had not real all the updates re lack of morning boner. My guy is very anxious and I pretty much had to pressgang him into sex. I was new to all this as came out of a 30 year relationship and assumed all me wanted sex -how wrong I was! He has not had had sex since 2013 and not much before then. He is much more relaxed now but still very shy and insecure. But he clings lovingly to me when we are sleeping which melts me…

@ibelieveinmirrorballs i meant brutal as in the frankness you use on this forum when discussing sex, no reference to real life

Good luck gelato! Did someone refer to you as hot naked gelato upthread? That should be an ice cream flavour...

The apps are very quiet for me at the moment. I can see why, having actually ended up searching for women on a site I'm on - streams of extremely attractive women in my age group, with well written profiles. Lots into being very active, running marathons, etc, so they're perfect for all the exercise mad men I steer clear of as I'm very much not exercise mad. I've wondered why there aren't any 'normal' men on the apps who don't start the day with a run and continue in the gym. They probably can't be arsed...

I do have a date zero tomorrow. Couldn't be less enthusiastic. He's not funny. He's 9 years older than me. He's retired. He's new to the area so has no friends here. Quick coffee, say hello to the dog, admire the view and then back home to pack for my long weekend away.

It's SO time consuming isn't it! Tbh the novelty of Tinder has worn off for me for the time being.

No date 3 confirmed with Mr Hipster due to busy schedules this week. Will be interesting to see if the momentum continues through just messaging. He was mildly flirty last night which was nice. I think I feel a bit attention starved though so I'm keeping a lid on my neediness and finding healthier/more normal ways than getting attention off the apps haha.

Checking in. Recovering from my 3 date weekend which went kinda well but head a bit scrambled now.
one iron very gentlemanly, wants to take things slow, lovely dinner and convo. Second iron well tbh we dtd. Fancy him a lot and very funny hence … 3rd iron more friend vibe nice walk and chat, he’s only fairly recently separated, might be a good slow burn thing. No idea what to do but just going with it 😬

@gelatodipistacchio Hope the chat goes well!
I dated a couple of guys when OLD with similar issue and found they absolutely knew it was a problem so tried to be super nice/keen/consistent in other ways I guess hoping it would compensatr and it made it hard to be that person who says no I need more...

Hope he's receptive to the chat and wants to address the issue (as previous posters have said, plenty of solutions if its a physical issue!) And it is definitely NOT YOU!! ❤

@lesgalettes good thinking. Less likely to get hurt if you have a few on the go.
@gelatodipistacchio Let us know how the chat goes. It is a little strange that he has mentioned meeting your daughter when you have yet to dtd.

@Daydreamscometrue it is weird, isn't it🤨

He definitely had a plan of DTD last night, so maybe this just means that he became fully confident in our relationship yesterday. But I am so a bit paranoid. (That said, the connection between us feels very real).

@LC84 thanks! It's definitely hard not to take it a little personally. Sounds like none of the ED OLD men was able to win you over?

@Moopyhereagain that sounds like three reasonably successful dates! Nice.

@WeWantTheFinestWines your scheduled date does sound a bit uninspiring. What made you decide to give him a chance?

WeWantTheFinestWines

thats an endurance test date there !
I really hope it’s not that bad x

Moopyhereagain

jve said it before , your a machine !!!!

@JangolinaPitt so the ED doesn't bother you? Does he make it up in some other way, like lots of oral???

That guy who was mean Saturday on texts has texted me three times (two unread ) saying want to talk
I eventually texted back (paraphrase)

no I don’t want to talk as basically you were unkind in texts , so a no go

Feeling rather proud of myself !

@Thisisworsethananticpated well done! What a creep.

Is this just normal texting and therefore not easily blockable?

@hotnakedgelato No it just became obvious it was going to be a long term issue and like another poster has said, theres not enough invested early on to want to subject yourself to that life I think 🙈 when i met my DP straight after the last ED guy, I rememeber being soooo happy and relieved that erections werent an issue and it made me realise how I had really just tried to be nice/hopeful/open minded with the ED guy but it was already crushing me a little after just 3 months of dating him so am relieved now it didnt progress!!!

@LC84 that's lovely! And a good reminder that there is always another nice opportunity/man around the corner.

Sorry have been reading not posting but can I just say what an amazing bunch of people this is... I wish to god i had discovered this when I was going through years of relentless OLD (mixed results...!) And just had my married friends for company - who if im honest had no odea what its like out there 🙈

You guys are honestly awesome - so resilient and supportive