Men in their 40s

[whitebunnies]

I am in my late 30s. I don't know why but men in their late 40s ask me out. This is in real life and not from dating sites. Why would they not date a woman their age? Some of these men have children so it's not like they want to start a family.

Highly doubt this as are talking about men favouring women in their 30s to 40 . I’d also say this stands true for men favouring women in their 30s and 40s over women in their 50s and 60s , regardless of whether the man is that age
I don’t know about you but myself and most women I know were much more likely to have kids at home in our 30s or early 40s than later 40, 50 or beyond .
your theory doesn’t explain why so many men in their late 40s it 50s won’t date women their age or older when those women are far less likely to have young kids at home than younger women

i realise you said women under 0 may not have got to that point yet but neither have men and we don’t see swathes of 50yr old women hitting on them
perhaps it had a little something to do with the fact many men see women as commodities valued by their youth

Because women become invisible once they pass 40 unless a man is married or related to one. Single women of their own age don't exist for single men over 40.

Yep. Men in their 40s look for younger women. And women in their 40s get hit on by 60 years olds . That's men for you

I do wish people wouldn't keep saying this as though it's a blanket rule rather than their own belief or experience. It's not true for me or my friends, for lots of other women posting on these threads, and countless others starting new relationships in their 40s, 50s and 60s.
And logically, how can it be true? There simply isn't enough young women who'd be prepared to date middle aged men to go round. Do you think the majority of men over 40 stay single because they can't 'see' any other women?
Peddling this myth is damaging as not only does it encourage older women to see themselves as having low value, but does younger women no favours either. When we have threads like one running at the moment where a young woman is 'terrified' of getting older. Its such a shame.

Yes this is what I was going to say too.

They maybe think you’re older than you actually are.

Absolutely. Its very insidious when young women grow older to a chorus of 'you just wait...' from older women. So many women putting up with substandard relationships for fear no one else will want them, settling for far less than they deserve. All the time propagating the absolute fantasy that men are such valuable prizes that they get to sail through life, picking and choosing from a vast array of willing women. When in reality, a great many would be very lucky to find a woman at all, especially as they hit middle age, as my male friends will testify.
Men must be rubbing their hands in glee at women doing all this PR work for them.

Yes absolutely this.

Lol its not because of older women that women are taking sub standard men . That's their choice.

A choice made within the context of a belief that as a woman ages she is lucky to have any man want her. I'm not saying older women created this belief, of course they didn't, but some have certainly drunk the Kool Aid and are perpetuating it. If fewer women believed this nonsense they might be more confident in their options.

I'm in my 50's and I'm dating a woman a couple of year younger than me, I have dated women older than me but I also dated a woman 11 years younger than me for several months. It's about how you get along rather than the age, some women my age (and I guess men) seem to have lost a lot of their "get up and go" and act older than me, I get along best with women who have a more youthful outlook on life. Sometimes they will have a more youthful outlook because they are younger, personally I prefer to date women who have a youthful outlook and around my age as there is more shared background with the music, tv, fashions and so on from childhood so fewer missed references in conversation etc.

Most men on dating sites are deluded/players/out for casual relationships.

Meeting an older man doing an activity you both enjoy or through friends is very different from being targeted because you fit into a certain age group on a dating site.

Some men find younger women difficult when it boils down to it, because they have different expectations/goals/want a family/have too much energy etc but they aren't necessarily the ones to post about it on forums. Anecdotally, I know more relationships where the man is slightly younger than vice versa! None of them met on dating sites though.

The best thing is to avoid people who have lots of fleeting or short duration relationships I think. Easy come, easy go! And theres little point in taking on someone else's baggage if you're young and free.

Some men have the delusion they're going to get a 25 year old when they're 40s, 50s.

the reality is different.
For men who remarry, 80% marry someone within 6 years of their own age.

I think this question is completely the wrong way round. Instead of asking why people in their late 40s ask out people in their late 30s, I would be asking why some people like OP completely rule out sexual partners outside of their own age group?

Oh that's much easier.
If they don't have dysfunctional parenting that left them with daddy issues, then they don't really need an older man in his 40s/50s when they are in their 20s/30s

Leaving aesthetics aside (because we all know its only men who are allowed to find youth attractive!) I think the reason women rule out older men is that they are very sensible.
Any man who deliberately seeks out a younger woman is a very poor prospect. Not only does it suggest aspects of his character that are red flags, but also puts his young partner in a precarious position. Who wants to grow old with a man who is primarily attracted to your youth?
Secondly, the lifestyle offered by many middle aged men is likely to be a much slower pace than a young woman would prefer. Ime, men age faster than women in terms of being set in their ways, declining in energy and zest for life, sexual performance. Many men in their 50s struggle to keep up with their same age partners, let alone much younger ones.
I certainly don't think women should rule out partners outside of their age group, but for the chance of the best match, they would do better to looking younger not older.

It is about entitlement. Men in their 40's think they are a prize and that younger women find them irresistible. Why stop at 39 if you are 49. I would have thought anyone over 18 was unable to resist their charms.

I know someone who is over 70 preying on 40 year olds. He thinks he is gods gift.

If they don't have dysfunctional parenting that left them with daddy issues, then they don't really need an older man in his 40s/50s when they are in their 20s/30s

How do you expect to ever have a relationship with such a small dating net then?

Looking for younger not older that is.

Who has a small dating net? Young women? I really don't think so. Young women are the top of the dating food chain.

Reading recent replies I do totally get (and agree with) how iffy it is for middle-aged men to be trying it on with much younger women (although, as @5128gap posted, about her friends, what's good for the goose can certainly be just as good for the gander!) However, in fairness, this is straying a little from the context of OP's original post. As I posted earlier, if the OP is 39 and I am 47, is being 8 years older really indicative of "daddy issues", seriously (how many men fathered kids at the age of eight)? I mean, yes, its probably better to date people closer in age (as has been pointed out elsewhere, research actually shows the most successful relationships are six or less years age difference) and there's no logical reason why men shouldn't be dating women eight years older either (without being accused of having "mummy issues"!). However, the conversation seems to have drifted into suggesting the OP was asking about twenty-somethings being chased by men old enough to be her dad and, for better or worse, that's not the case.

Something I feel would be really helpful for me to learn is what posters think is an "acceptable" age gap - at what point does it go from being age-appropriate to being a bit icky?

Who has a small dating net? Young women? I really don't think so. Young women are the top of the dating food chain.

That's not a universal truth, otherwise you wouldn't have women in their late 20s and late 30s seeking dating advice.